Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-12-10 06:48 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-12-10 06:48 pm
[ SECRET POST #2169 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2169 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 078 secrets from Secret Submission Post #310.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-12-11 04:38 am (UTC)(link)That said, I've been in a similar situation. My ex-boyfriend was a conservative Catholic. I'm a very liberal Jewish-raised atheist. We bonded over mutual interests in engineering and some sci-fi stuff, and the extent of our underlying differences wasn't terribly obvious until a couple of weeks in. It ended up lasting about a year (which was probably about 6 months too long, but I'm terrible at breaking off relationships.) Part of why it didn't come up for a while, and why it didn't break us up immediately, was that neither of us is particularly outspoken about political or religious stuff by nature, so it came up pretty rarely. He was also a fairly rational guy in general, so we could have discussions that were back and forth, and it would generally end up with both of us going "well, that's something I hadn't thought of. I don't agree with you, but I respect where you're coming from." Occasionally I kept quiet when he said things I disagreed with if I didn't feel up to an argument, and I know he did the same around my friends. So keeping things superficial mostly worked. Although that's part of why I knew it was going to end, since not being able to talk about anything serious without it ending in an argument? not the best relationship.
So advice-wise, it depends on which part is more important to you: being friends with this girl, or trying to get her to at least consider other views.
If you're more interested in being friends and avoiding drama stuff, which is completely valid, you can just avoid the subject and concentrate on fandom stuff. Don't necessarily gag yourself, but don't automatically pipe up if she says something that you disagree with if it's offhand and will segue into something else. It can be hard to do that, but it's probably the best way to maintain the friendship at some level.
If you're more interested in improving the debate side of things so you can maybe be friends *and* talk about things you disagree on, it helps to wait until you're one-on-one, and face to face, and then straightforwardly explain your reasoning about things. The one on one is important, that way you can both give your reasons without feeling dogpiled or like you have to play along to keep the group happy. And especially for conversations that can get emotional, face to face interaction is vital to avoid misunderstandings. If she's really not the sort to give considered reasons for things, it might help to recommend some reading from a middle ground source. It's been a while since I've looked into that sort of thing, so I don't know specific authors, but maybe next time you get into an argument on those grounds, find a centrist or even right-wing but less extreme author on that topic, and agree to both read it and discuss it. That way it's something that's "on her side", but might force her to start thinking about it differently, but at 30 degrees instead of 180 degrees. Plus it shows a willingness on your side to consider her views as well, which makes it a lot harder to dismiss you as a "brainwashed liberal" or whatever. However, this does depend on her being willing to meet you partway.
Wow, that got long. Hopefully some of this helps!
no subject
I...actually was in this situation too. I'm a Christian, but I'm protestant/nondenominational and politically very libertarian, and religiously saw just about everything outside of the whole Jesus = Son of God thing differently from this one Catholic ex. He differs (evidently, anyway) from your ex in that he was an ass about it and looked down on my beliefs.
That relationship didn't last very long.
Thanks for your feedback. :) That's a great point about doing stuff like that one-on-one. I know I personally hate the feeling of being dogpiled or it being me v. everyone else in the room, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone else. Maybe if this bothers her enough (which...so far it seems it does) we can have chat about it when school reconvenes in January.