fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2176 ]

[ SECRET POST #2176 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2176 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Sorry for late, busy day.

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm a lesbian who's attending UCLA right now, and during my three years there I met my amazing girlfriend. She's fun, witty, spontaneous, and I adore her to death. I was never able to come out to another woman before I met her, and I lost my virginity to her a couple of weeks ago. The thing is, said girlfriend is a bisexual...and has a super clingy ex-boyfriend.

I didn't notice it at first, but he started making flirty comments on facebook here and there. Nothing big I guess. But then recently he posted this comment on her wall that read, "I miss u. I think about u constantly. We need to talk ok. ): " I didn't want to create too many waves, but I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that and wanted to clarify with him. After all, my gf and this ex-boyfriend still hang out together.

So when I asked him, he exploded at me. He told me, "You're nothing but a fucking phase that she'll grow out of, you stupid dyke. She's going back home for winter break and so am I. Don't even bother calling, because she and I will be back together before the next semester starts." I was totally shocked. I didn't even know how to respond to that so I just walked away.

It doesn't help that my mom thinks that bisexuality and lesbianism is "just a phase". I don't know what to do FS. My girlfriend just thinks he's this sweet guy and I don't want to come off like I'm trying to ruin her friendships with people. She's known him for a lot longer than she's known me. They have history. But I don't know what to do. I'm sad, shocked, and hurt. I'm just at a loss here and I'm somewhat worried that what her ex was saying might be true. Even if it isn't, I don't have the money to fly up and stop him from being a creep to her.

I'd talk to her about it, just a mention of 'Hey, X said somethings that made me pretty uncomfortable ...' and see what happens from there.

This. If she brushes it off, you have yourself a real winner there!

Wow. I don't really have any good advice, but that guy is a straight-up handsniffer and I hope someone poops in his sock drawer. Matter of fact, gimme his address and that of the nearest Wendy's and I'll do it for you.

Yeah this is what I came here to post

that guy is a straight-up dickbag. How shitty can you get. What a bad man.

Tell your gf exactly what he said, and emphasize that he scared you. She should know what kind of a fucker is close to her and frankly looks to be threatening her current significant other.

also, *all the hugs*

Honestly? I would say tell her what you've told us. All of it. It's something she should know about and she should also know you're not trying to ruin her friendship with him.

But I really think you need to tell her because he sounds dangerous.

This ^^^^^^^^

Tell her what he said.

Especially the bits about her sexuality being "a phase" and calling you a homophobic slur. Because he's insulting her as well, by saying that.

(He will probably deny deny deny, but stick to your guns.)

That guy sounds like exactly the sort of person you do not want to date, ever. It sounds as though he thinks he's entitled to her, as though she's a possession and not a person.

Don't listen to him. He's a douchebag.

I agree. No matter what happens, I think it's best that you bring this up with her. I know if I were in her place I'd want someone to give me a heads up. Since she's known him a long time and continues to be friends with him, she might not know how he really is, which could be dangerous.

You should talk to your girlfriend about it. If nothing else because she should know what kind of person her ex is. I doubt she wants to be friends with a homophobic asshole, that doesn't respect her. Plus, some one like that could turn out to be dangerous on top of everything.

But, in my experience at least, it's always good to be open about insecurities in a relationship anyway.

Personally, I'm a little creeped that you took it upon yourself to confront the ex-boyfriend about his posts. This is the sort of thing where the appropriate action is to take it up with the person you know, rather than being the person who went behind her back because you have problems with her friends.

But now that he's exposed himself as also being a creep, you still need to talk to her about the way he acted, and the fears you have and then TRUST HER. And for god sakes, don't entertain the notion of flying up there all "gotta protect my woman (from her friend)!"

Okay, speaking as a Facebook user myself, that things said on there get pretty public. And if OP is implying that they were on accquaintence level with this person, they probably thought it was no big deal. They seemed more curious than trying to intimidate.

don't entertain the notion of flying up there all "gotta protect my woman (from her friend)

Also wtf is up with this statement? It's not white knighting if you're getting the hint that someone you care about is being stalked by a creep. One of my good friends had an abusive stalking ex like this, and yeah, it's normal to get protective and worried for your friend's safety when you don't know what that ex is capable of.

Talk to her about it and stop all communications with the guy, if you can.

Don't listen to him at all. The only person you should be listening to on the subject is your GF.

If he responded via electronic medium (email, message, whatever), tell your girlfriend about it and then show it to her. Better if his name is attached to it.

I really don't think it was the right course of action to talk to this guy rather than your GF. You shouldn't have approached him at all. But what's done is done and now you need to straighten things out. Go to your GF and tell her everything exactly as you've told us. That he scares you, worries you, that you don't want to ruin her friendship, all of it.

Communication within a relationship is key. You should always approach your significant other first, not the ex. Because honestly, this ex wants the girl back of course he's going to try and get rid of you. But it's likely that it's all just in his head and your GF just thinks they're friends.

Talk to her. Can't stress that enough.

Wow, first of all, he sounds like a grade-A douchebag. =(

I might be the only one who doesn't think he sounds threatening, just entitled, moronic, and possessive. But if you think he does seem threatening, go with your gut. And EITHER WAY definitely tell your gf everything that happened, for her sake and the sake of the relationship.

Frankly the wall comment was kind of inappropriate imo because he knew she was taken and it obviously sounded like he was trying to rekindle the relationship.

But you haven't said much about your gf's motives. Does she still have feelings for him? If she is safe, then you should just let things play out, because if she isn't really loyal, then you can't control that without becoming possessive yourself, and you will know she isn't the kind of person you want to be with. But if she is? then she will put him in his place. And I am all for trying to be friends even with exes but if she maintains an inappropriately close friendship with an ex despite your misgivings then she is breaking your trust imo. She needs to be really clear with him and draw lines. (After that behavior, if it were me, I'd draw VERY thick lines, and keep my distance for a while. He needs to know that she is no longer available to him and that treating her girlfriend like shit is not acceptable to her in any way.) Speaking of which, if she doesn't think his behavior towards you is a big deal, I'd also see that as a red flag.

Sorry for the brain vomit =/ take it or leave it, those are just my thoughts.

Best of luck, OP.

Talk to your girlfriend about it ASAP. This guy is an ex; she is with you now, and if she interprets a comment like that as "trying to ruin her relationships" ... you have pretty big issues.

I would screencap the message and show her exactly what he said. Honestly, the tone of that makes me worried for her safety if he does in fact intend to meet her in person while she's home on break.

Please talk to her, and let us know how it goes. *hugs offered*

Others have pretty much covered the basis, except for this part:

You are not a stupid dyke. You are a kickass lesbian woman who is concerned about the feelings of others, wants to do the right thing, and deserves to have happiness. Sexuality can be fluid, but that absolutely does not mean that it's the same as “going through a phase.” Your mother and your girlfriend's ex are both wrong.

From your message and the fact that you posted it here, it just sounded like you might not have someone to tell you that. Even if you do, can't hurt to hear it again.

Best of luck to both of you.

How awful, sorry you had such a terrible experience OP. Definitely talk to her about it. I hate to say it, but some people can be fickle too, so make sure you know how she stands on this. You don't have to accuse her of anything, just talk to her about it and mention your concerns.

Hope everything works out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2176 ]

...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS

Re: ...I don't know what to do FS