fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2192 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2192 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Tales of the Abyss]

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[Merlin, RPS]

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[Lilo & Stitch]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #313.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's kind of hard to see from this thread and other similar discussions that people understand that not all extroverts do that. They kind of talk like we all do and...we don't

Like anon said, I can't help my personality, just my actions. If I give an introvert shit for being introverted, I would be responsible for that, but I don't like being lumped in with the jerks just because of my personality

One thing you might be forgetting is that, for a lot of people, the vast majority of extroverts they've met *do* pressure and make comments about how ~weird~ extroverts are. So, when the topic comes up [like here] people tend to be talking in general.

Personally? The number of extroverts who haven't done either is countable on one hand, where as the ones who have take multiple handfuls [and in some cases managed to pressure multiple introverts at a time into going out without wanting to.] So when the topic comes up? Yes, I'm going to be more focused on talking about the ones who do cross boundaries.

Also, complaining about being lumped in is all well and good - but if you're a part of any group it's going to happen. It sucks, sure - but you also can't expect people not to complain about obnoxious behavior that a group - in general - tends to display.

I find that a little weird I guess since the vast majority of people I've met, of whatever personality type, are really reasonable about other people living however they want. But I get that my experience =/= everyone's.

I'm really sorry you've had those experiences. It sounds like you've met some really inconsiderate people.

re: your last paragraph: I really hate that kind of argument. I hate the "well people are gonna do it, so that makes it okay" attitude. It doesn't make it ok. Lumping people in with a group - especially a group we don't even choose to be in - by making broad generalizations that are obviously hostile is not a good thing to do regardless of how easy or convenient it is.

I completely understand that you (general you here) will be more focused on the people who have had a bigger and more negative impact on you, but it really does not take that much effort to clarify that you're not talking about ALL THE HORRIBLE EXTROVERTS.

ETA: I have been close friends with introverts almost my entire life so it has always kind of been a non-issue for me that some people want to spend more time alone and not be as high energy as me in social settings. I might need to be gently reminded that they need to recharge in certain situations, but I would never say "why don't you get out more?? You must be so bored!" or anything like that.

Edited 2013-01-03 17:44 (UTC)

There's also subtler pressure to take into account. Like if you invite an introvert to a party and they say no, every extrovert I know will ask "are you sure?" and "Really sure? " and "no last regrets?" and if they ask why you don't go, then "because I don't feel like it, it leaves me exhausted" will often get you something along the lines of "why though? don't be like that, it'll be fun! It'll do you good!".

So when you're just not up to dealing with a party you have to lie "I don't feel well"/"I have something else planned". Most people will accept "well, I've had a hard week and I'm tired" but since they don't understand it they'll follow up with "well you should come then, it'll help you relax!".

So yeah, it doesn't have to be straight up making fun. You can't help how you are as an extrovert but how you are is the opposite of how introverts are and they can't help it either.

And I'm really sorry all that happened to you. But just like with the making fun thing, not all extroverts do things like that. Those people are being rude and obtuse, and probably need to have some things pointed out to them. But they are not all extroverts.

You can't help how you are as an extrovert but how you are is the opposite of how introverts are and they can't help it either.

I really don't know what I said to make you assume that I actually don't realize this.

I've never met someone who hasn't asked at least twice, because that's considered the polite thing to do. It's the polite thing to do because about 75% of people are extroverts so MOST people WANT to be asked at least twice if they're really really sure. Most people are appreciative when the inviter is concerned that they don't want to come to the party. For a minority of people, it's a tacit reproach that they never come to parties.

You can't help how you are as an extrovert but how you are is the opposite of how introverts are and they can't help it either.

I mean it's no one's fault and there's not much to do about it and even less to be offended about on either side of the issue. One's nature, by definition, antagonizes the other, and it's boring to only have friends who are introverts/extroverts like you, so clashes are bound to happen.

I doubt many people complain about it in day to day life because that's just how things are. However, it's fun to vent sometimes.

Huh...I guess my experiences have been really different?

When I ask someone if they want to do something, and they say "I'm busy" or "I'm tired", I don't see the point of pushing it. I might say something like "well if you change your mind/become free feel free to join me!" I might ask them what they're doing if they're busy, as a way of making conversation (if I know them well). But I guess I don't really like, ask people multiple times? I didn't realize that most people *did*. I guess some do but I find that kind of think somewhat annoying. It usually makes me feel bad, if I'm too tired/don't want to see them/actually *do* have something going on, when they ask me multiple times, so I try to avoid doing it to others. I didn't realize this was an introvert/extrovert thing, I just thought it was common decency.

I guess I must be kinda weird then, if most people want to be asked twice. *shrug* It would be far from the first time that I've interpreted some social norm differently from a lot of the people around me.

Also, part of it might be because I'm kind of blunt. I think all this social dancing, "well no doesn't REALLY mean no", "they must just need to be convinced!", and other cases of not saying what you mean the first time, or taking someone else's word for how they feel/what they want, is just silly. I tend to say what's on my mind, the first time. That can be a good thing or a bad one haha.

Eh, I wouldn't know since I'm not most people, it doesn't help that I'm pretty awkward :) I just believe that if practically everyone does something, then it's the socially accepted thing to do.

I have seen some extroverted friends regret their first "no" and be pretty glad that they got asked again. Again I just assume that everyone I know = good representation of everyone else. (it's probably what's causing all the confusion in this thread).

Honestly? The world would be a better place if everyone had a more direct attitude, so I'd say you're doing it right.

Again I just assume that everyone I know = good representation of everyone else.

I think we're all doing that lol.

:)

[ SECRET POST #2192 ]

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