fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2193 ]

[ SECRET POST #2193 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2193 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[GunnerKrigg Court]

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02.

[The Avengers]

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03.

[French & Saunders]

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04.

[X-Men/Marvel Universe]

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05.

[Tron: Uprising]

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06.

[Kagaku Ninjatai Gatchaman]

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07.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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08.

[The X-Files/Fox Mulder]

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09.

[Homestuck]

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10.

[True Grit]

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11.

[Saya no Uta]

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12.

[The Silmarillion]

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13.

[Homestuck]

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14.

[Supernatural]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 015 secrets from Secret Submission Post #313.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ok F!S, here, have another poster with a confused sexuality.

I really like reading femmeslash and I find a lot of female celebrities attractive. Sometimes I think about being in a relationship with a woman and I feel like I would enjoy it. But also I like men. And honestly, due to societal pressure, I'll probably only ever be with men.

But I never really understood bisexuality until I found fandom and I have fandom friends who are bisexual and now I think I might be? But also I'm kind of scared that I'm just being flavor of the week and I'm just more curious now because other people are or that maybe I'm not queer enough to identify as queer. And also I kind of like the non-stigma of publicly being straight.

How do you tell if you're bisexual, and does figuring that out even matter if you'll probably never act on it?

I'm not bi but I can tell you that I'm 99.9% sure (the other .1% is there because I'm not queer so I don't feel I can say this with absolute certainty) that you don't have to act on your sexual attraction to someone to be queer/bisexual/whatever, if that was the case then every hetero out there who never had sex isn't officially hetero either

Don't sweat it. Some day, you might fall in love with a woman and still be attracted to men. Or not. Keep your mind open and don't try to fit into a label if you don't want that label to define you and your conduct.

Not sure. I've wondered about this too. I've fantasized about doing things with women before, but never acted on it (then, I've never been in a relationship or done anything sexual with anyone) and I kind of doubt I ever would.

I don't think you're being "flavor of the week." There's nothing wrong with curiosity, no matter what caused it.

As a bisexual woman who has been in relationships with both women and men, but has now chosen to wait until I meet a man to marry, for similar, if not the same, sort of reasons as your own (mine is more religious than cultural, but there is some overlap) I can tell you that this is a tricky subject.

I identify as bisexual. I AM bisexual. However, I accept and acknowledge that I have made the choice to no longer act on my attraction to other women. As a result, I do not expect to be accorded the same status in the LGBT community as I once did. In many ways this is completely right, however, it can be hurtful when people so not understand that I can and do still find homophobic comments painful. Personally, I view myself as fortunate. I am lucky in that I am in a position to make that choice.

So, yes, OP, you may be bisexual, regardless of whether or not you act on it, but you are likely to encounter prejudice, from both sides if you don't. I think that you're probably best served by taking it slow, and not rushing into coming out, if you're not sure it's what you want to do.

Just be attracted to whoever you're attracted to? I don't know, I think there's a point at which defining sexual attraction and desire becomes pointless in the face of the singularity and the massive range of ways that people feel sexual attraction. I wouldn't worry about how you define yourself, unless you feel that's something that you want to do for yourself (not saying that definition under a label is a bad thing, just that I don't think it's necessary for everyone. it's certainly helpful for some people)

THE SINGULARITY DOES. NOT. EXIST.

YOUR ADVICE IS GOOD FOR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASONS

CARRY ON

Fuck the "singularity"

I find it hilarious that my thread devolved so quickly into a discussion about technology and philosophy.

wtf is "the singularity"?

The Tardis.

A stupid theory endorsed by the worst kind of geeks that combines an utter ignorance of culture and the desire to never, ever, ever do anything besides play.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singularitarianism

Ahahahahaa, that's adorable.

I'm sure the singularity will save us when the sea levels rise or when North Korea nukes everyone.

Re: Am I Bisexual?

insanenoodlyguy - 2013-01-04 06:14 (UTC) - Expand

What's wrong with wanting a world where no one has to do anything besides play if conditions are sufficient that it doesn't harm anyone?

Re: Am I Bisexual?

insanenoodlyguy - 2013-01-04 06:16 (UTC) - Expand

ayrt

I honestly have no idea what I meant.

I certainly didn't mean the singularity, though.

seriously I'm as baffled as you are.

Plus is a fucking moron and so is everyone who buys into his bullshit. Stop sprinkling crazy numbnuts into your good advice.

I think what I was trying to get across was the... not quite the uniqueness, but the discrete, intensely personal nature of the way attraction is felt, that fundamentally it's something that each single person has to come to terms with for themselves. Singularity was entirely the wrong word.

Figuring it out is completely up to you. For some people it's important and does matter, to others less so.

The acting on it isn't what defines your sexuality. If you're sexually attracted to both men and women, then yeah I'd say bisexual would fit.

There are people out there that won't think some people are "queer enough". Those people are idiots. Try not to let them get to you. The only person your sexual ID should matter to is you, and if you feel bisexual or whatever then that's what you are.

And yeah, you'll get some people who will accuse you of "straight privilege" and say you should come out or that you're not really queer if you don't have to deal with it, but whatever. Screw those people. You live your life how you see fit and what's comfortable for you, and that can totally involve mentally/personally IDing as bi without coming out to anyone. Coming out is a personal choice and you don't ever have to do it if you don't want to.

The problem is we can't tell you if you are, only you can figure that out.

We can only tell you it's okay either way.

I think there are two aspects to this: how you feel and how you identify.
Let me elaborate on this: I've know people in my life who definitely exhibit bisexual behaviour or have these feelings, but identify as either gay or straight because they feel more connected to the one or the other. Then there are those who proudly claim the bisexual label and consider it their identity.

I think, in any case, it's not healthy to suppress your feelings, but that doesn't mean you need to be flag-waving in parades, or somehow actively become a part of lgbt communities (you CAN, and to a lot of people that's wonderfully liberating,but you're not obligated anything).

(Also, btw, you're queer "enough" if you consider yourself to be. There's no percentage of queerness you need to present with to get your membership card).

I'd say that it's probably worthwhile to figure this out for yourself, if only for your self-development, peace of mind and to be sure you won't regret missed opportunity later.

Whether or not you'll act on it will be entirely your choice - but it's always better to make an informed choice.

But hey, that's only my two cents.

Nobody can answer that for you, and you might have many years ahead of you spent trying to figure it out. It's okay to be confused, or feel like you're changing your mind. I don't know your age, but I can't even tell you how many times when I was a teenager I went from bi to gay to straight, sometimes within the span of a couple of days.

It only matters if you want it to matter.

OP, are you me?

Gahhhh, this is exactly what I'm going through right now. All the angst about "Am I gay/bi/straight? Do I have any right to claim that label?"

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to offer you. But I KNOW THAT FEEL, OP.

Most of the time, I try not to think about it or stress over it too much. Hopefully we can both figure it out eventually! :)

You don't have to act on your sexuality for it to be a part of who you are, so I think figuring it out can still matter. It all depends on what's important to you. For me, understanding my sexuality was (and is) important, regardless of whether I'm dating or sleeping with anyone. But some people are less concerned about it.

I think bisexuality is a spectrum. Not all bisexual people feel the same way, or are attracted to different genders to the same degree. Some people are bisexual but only date or have relationships with people of one gender.

Also, identifying as bisexual depends somewhat on your perception of yourself and what sexuality means to you. You can take two people, who experience the same attraction and make the same choices when it comes to dating/sexual partners, but only one of them might identify as bisexual. There are a lot of people who might be able to call themselves bisexual based on their relationships or who they're attracted to, but consider themselves gay or straight.

This, again, is partly because bisexuality is a spectrum. Some straight people can appreciate people of the same gender, and some gay people have had relationships with people of the opposite gender. But their attraction to their non-preferred gender is so small that it doesn't really affect their view of their sexuality much. But where you draw the line between "I'm straight, but that actress is hot!" and "I'm bisexual, but I probably prefer men" is pretty subjective.

When it comes down to it, if you're aware enough of your attraction to women that it feels like a part of your sexual orientation, even if you wouldn't act on it, I think "bisexual" could be accurate.

But if you'd rather not try to define or label it, that's okay, too. It's also okay to not know, as long as you're comfortable. (At the same time, it's also okay if you're not comfortable and would like to be able to describe your sexuality. People can put a lot of emphasis on avoiding labels, but sometimes having a word to describe yourself can be comforting.)

Be what you are, you don't have to define yourself if you don't want to, or you aren't ready and so on.

Personal rant thing ahead:

If you want to press me to label myself I could probably fit into a bisexual woman who is also aromantic. Though, I don't go around labelling myself* as that, because it is not who I am, I am a young Norwegian woman who studies film and television and that is more important to me than whom I choose to have sex with.

Then again, I will probably never be in a relationship with a woman (beyond a purely physical one), but I could (and have been) with a man and even if I don't fall in love, I did end up caring for my now ex-boyfriends. Just like I can imagine myself living the rest of my life with one person, I can't say I am 100% sure that person will be a man.

I guess what I am trying to say is: Sexuality is complicated and not always as easy as some might make it out to be.

*nothing wrong with people who feel the need to put a label on everything.

You are attracted to both men and women, therefore you are bisexual. Now, this in no way means that you are obligated to act on it. You aren't required to be with a woman just because you're bisexual, and the fact that you haven't and probably won't doesn't invalidate your orientation.

All of this "we can't tell, only you can decide that" is just patently false. You've said you're attracted to both men and women, that's the definition of bisexual, it is a fact. You are in no way obligated to act on it or to act in any of the ways that bisexual people are expected or stereotyped to. But, hey, you're bisexual (or possibly pansexual.) Congratulations!

You sound like me, OP. Attracted to both men and women, can imagine myself with a woman, and I've fooled around with both men and women, but when I think about my future... I can only picture myself with a man. I'm not sure how much of that is society or my actual preference.

I classify myself as bi because, when it comes down to it, I'd be equally happy to fuck a hot girl as I would be to fuck a hot guy. When it comes to romance, it gets complicated, but it always is anyways...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2193 ]

Am I Bisexual?

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