[ SECRET POST #2196 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2196 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #314.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - empty image with a text comment ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[lunabee34]

This secret got me to wondering how many people behave substantially different in fandom than they do offline. Most of the people I've met online and then gone on to meet IRL have RL personalities that are very close to their online personas; I've only met one person who was drastically different IRL than online, and that person was way more palatable online than in person.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a bigger asshole in real life than I am online. Not that I'm malicious irl, but people annoy me really easily and I rage and I'm way too sarcastic for my own good a lot of the time.

I'm a lot more polite online, mainly because I can stop and delete something as I have the time to reread it and change my mind when I realize it's overly mean, not to mention getting mad at random trolls online rarely ever results in anything good, so I usually just ignore them instead of engaging them.

I think it's because irl, you have to react to things "in real time" or else be thought rude for ignoring people, whereas online I can always stop and go away for an hour to cool off before coming back to respond to something and it's all good.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

I know what you mean. I think I behave relatively similarly both online and off, but the uneditable quality of RL comments probably means that I come across much better much more consistently online than I do off. LOL I also take very much to heart the permanency of online comments and so try to post things online that I don't want permanently associated with me. Offline comments are more ephemeral and in many cases are forgotten much more quickly and so don't take on the weight that some online comments do. If that makes sense.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

No, that makes sense. Yeah, some people irl will always remember if you said something particularly jerky to them, but in general nobody's going to remember a majority of what someone says irl.

Online, on the other hand...well, you just have to see the SJWs pulling up comments people have made years ago, whether they've since changed their ways or not, and post it wherever for everyone to see. Obviously some people don't care, but it personally makes me want to tread carefully with what I say online, even when anon.

[lunabee34]

I just saw the missing word in my comment above *headdesk* but you seem to have understood me just fine. LOL

I agree completely with you. I have a policy of treating everything I post online as public, permanent and potentially damaging. There are many opinions I don't share online or reactions I don't give in to posting because I don't want them to bite me in the ass later.

[(Anonymous)]

Your second paragraph- oh god I hate that people do that, and I don't understand why they want to even hold a grudge for years like that.

Like people use lj notes just to compile links about why they hate a person. I guess I can understand it if someone is a known troll, but I still think life is a lot better and more relaxing if you just let yourself forget an argument here and there.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I mean, if the person they're "keeping an eye on", to put it lightly, is an unrepentant asswipe, they're gonna continue to make those offensive comments to the present day, so it's easy for people to avoid jerks like that.

otoh, sometimes people just say stupid stuff. Sometimes on accident, sometimes just because they were immature and/or ignorant but have since (honestly) apologized for it. Of course, the SWJs will just point to the crap they said and never add links to the apologies.

That's one reason why I just prefer to fly under the radar. I'd just rather not get involved with all that crap. Easier for people to forget you if you're blandly polite most of the time, lol.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah that's very true, assholes will often always be assholes, and if they're bad enough you'll likely remember that you disliked them without needing the textual proof to look back on.

But people should be allowed to make mistakes and say stupid things, part of what I hate about the SJW movement is that all the dog piling and insults thrown around makes it seem like someone is not allowed to make a mistake, and apologizing is apparently just a word for "back peddling" or for whatever reason it's "not really a apology."

No one is perfect and when you dissect people at the level SJWs do then you're going to find something to dislike about a person. SJWs are looking so hard for something to hate that they will inevitably find it.

[(Anonymous)]

Especially annoying when they derail with something up about a person that has nothing to do with whatever the comment thread is actually talking about.

I mean, there are a number of people right here on f!s that I'm not that fond of because of things they've said about this or that, but if I'm in agreement with them over a particular secret, I'm just going to talk about the secret at hand, not drag up unrelated dirt.

Seriously, I don't see how living life can even be any fun for some people when they, as you said, are always looking so hard for something to hate about people.

[(Anonymous)]

What goes along with that is the idea that people can never change. This is the bit that drives me absolutely crazy. I've seen folks change their minds and adapt their beliefs/political leanings accordingly, and SJWs react as if it's all some sort of ruse and declare that said folks should still be considered anathema. I'm like, guys...if everyone remains exactly the same and can only ever be considered to hold the views that they held when you first encountered them, then what is even the fucking point of all that you claim to do? By your own logic, you're just preaching to the choir and making yourself feel better, because there's absolutely no chance of anyone ever exacting any meaningful social change.

[(Anonymous)]

I think I'm like anon above and I'm nicer online, along with what they said I'm overly cautious about how people online often don't read tone or sarcasm correctly, so I try very hard to be nice. But if you know me long enough online I'll stop worrying about it and basically be myself.

I think in a way though people online know aspects of my personality that I'm too shy to show right away in reality. When I was younger there was a definite divide between my real self and my online self, both were me, but they were different parts of me.

Social media is fusing the net with the real life now though and between that and getting older (and therefor caring less what people think of me) I am pretty much me wherever I am, but the being nicer still qualifies.

[lunabee34]

I agree with your second paragraph wholeheartedly. I am much MORE myself online in a lot of ways. I live in a very conservative area, and while my RL friends know where I stand on social, political and religious issues, I don't often engage, for example, people in the community or where I work on those issues because it wouldn't be very productive and could in some cases be damaging to my career. :( I am very open about my beliefs online, and I'm so grateful that I've found a corner of fandom where I can share those aspects of myself freely with either likeminded fans or fans who have different views who arent' judgy.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't live in a conservative area (anymore) but I do have conservative family members so I feel you there. I was out of the closet online before anyone knew IRL, I also have always been more comfortable telling people I was an atheist online versus IRL where I was constantly harassed about it.

I think that can account for personality differences between IRL and online too, often we're used to being guarded about ourselves IRL depending on who we are and where we come from.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

I agree with you.

[thene]

The thing about stuff like that is, when you engage with someone online you almost always know a lot about them first. You've generally read something they've said to other people, you can read their profile, you know what social environment they've chosen to spend time in and what sorts of things they like. Because there's so much spelt out in advance, there's none of that uncertainty about whether someone might initially engage you, and then suddenly reject you if they find out more details of your life. We effectively pre-vet each other's company, and that makes it so much easier to engage with people.

[lunabee34]

That's a really good point. Reading a person's journal and the suchlike is a much easier way to get a general picture of that person a lot of times than interacting with them for short periods of time in real life.

[thene]

Mm, plus there is rarely any need to come out in any fashion - everything you need to know is in the damn profile, or easily deducible from what I write/blog about.

[lunabee34]

I feel like if I was witty enough I could come up with an open book pun or something. LOL

[perfidiousfate]

This. I feel a lot more open online. In the real world, I'm always really defensive of saying what I like because I'm afraid of people judging me. (Yes, this is silly.) For example, I'm terrified of mentioning I'm in fandom, though I'm getting better at casually talking about it with friends even if they aren't into it. Online, I feel a lot less stigma for talking about likes and preferences because who cares? I'm just another username. Whatever. It's the same for a lot of people, I think.

Such is the mighty power of the Internet.

(Then again, I recently made a post on Tumblr and got a vaguely defensive anon ask which I brushed off at the time, and am now super concerned that I made an idiot of myself and everyone hates me. So online me isn't that different from real me...)

[(Anonymous)]

I wonder about this for some of the people here, to be honest. There are a few people here who are argumentative, condescending, and just plain mean. I can't help but wonder how they behave IRL. If it is anything like the way they are in F!S, I imagine their lives aren't very good and they must not have any friends.

[lunabee34]

Ha! I think that about people on the internet all the time. :) I do not like meanness for meanness sake.

Fortunately, most people here are pretty cool and more than make up for the poopy pants.

[(Anonymous)]

So true :)