fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2197 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2197 ⌋

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Spanking seems to be a huge hot button issue amongst parents/non-parents, but I've come to notice that whenever there is a discussion about it a bunch of people say something along the lines of "That's why kids today are out of control, they were never spanked!"

Somehow I don't believe this. I've seen tons of mothers hit their kids, especially in wide open public spaces. I have family who still uses it as punishment. I don't see much difference, personally. Did a large majority of parents really stop using physical punishment? Because in these discussions the vocal majority is usually the 'for' camp and not the 'against' camp.

I can't say for anything beyond my own family, but out of my generation? Yeah, I was the only one spanked, and I'm fairly certain it wasn't just my family that had that happen. Plus, there are a ton of articles talking about how spanking ~ruins~ kids.

Huh. I'm twenty five and most of the kids I grew up around/my family were hit as kids.

Honestly, we seem the sort of dividing marker.

It was the norm among our generation, but with my (noticeably younger) siblings it just seems substantially less common.

Anecdata and all that, but still.

The anon above the one you replied to

This pretty much. I'm 24 [almost 25], but my cousins are all 8+ years younger than I am, so there's a pretty big gap for things to have changed.

I don't know. My boyfriend has a cousin that is nine years old. He lies, steals, hits people, bites them, etc, and he gets smacked a lot. All it does is make him lie and freak out when he's caught doing something he shouldn't/stealing his aunt's money, etc. It doesn't stop him, all he does when he's hit is scream like a banshee for hours. And the next day he's off doing his crap again. He's seeing a shrink, too, and that hasn't helped his issues either.

AYRT

...What? I was talking about there being a big enough gap between the ages of my cousins and myself for there to be a large change on the societal stance about spanking, not if it works or not. Point in fact, this particular part of the thread no one has commented on if it works or not - just that there have been studies on it *saying* it's bad, not that it was a personal belief held by that person.

Also, for the record [and since you're taking this as a 'SPANKING IS...' thing anyways] the studies actually stated that spanking was found to be more likely to make kids aggressive.

I hear mostly younger people complaining about how bad spanking is for children. Typically older generations are ambivalent or supportive.

Spanking is one of those issues where I'm just decided to try and avoid talking about it, because there's just no way to have a rational conversation on the issue. There's just too much emotional investment in it - some people who were spanked think that any condemnation of spanking is a condemnation of their parents, some people who were spanked think it's abuse, some people think that some kids are just evil. I just figure it's something for individual parents to decide, not for me.

I think in terms of people who spank nowadays - it's definitely less common now than it used to be, and less common among younger people than older. I think that the majority in any discussion is going to be pro-spanking because they usually care more about the issue for whatever reason, but there's a lot of people who don't really care about the issue who would just not ever spank their children. I think it's also to some extent a class thing - I think (speaking mostly just from anecdotal experience) that spanking is still fairly common among lower-middle and working class families and especially immigrant families, and almost entirely extinct among upper and upper-middle class families. And don't take that as a condemnation of parental styles, either way. Just what I've observed.

Growing up in my family, the kind of swats you're talking about seeing in public (and that I've also seen, usually in the check out lane at a store) were not spankings. Spankings weren't a knee-jerk reaction or anything like that. Only the most serious of offenses warranted one and it was done at home before bedtime (no matter what time offense happened) following a lecture about why it was being done. There was no grudge or further talk about it. I (or my sibling if they were the one getting spanked) got into bed afterwards and the regular nighttime ritual resumed (being read to when very young or being allowed to read for a set time before the lights had to be turned off when older).

I have no idea how we would have been as adults if we hadn't been spanked. Maybe the same and maybe not. I don't harbor any ill will towards my parents for spanking me. I think I might have been in more trouble as a child if I hadn't had the threat of a spanking hanging over my head, but I don't think my sibling would have. The only difference I ever saw growing up between us and our cousins who weren't spanked was that we were better behaved at family gatherings and not as prone to touching things we weren't supposed to or interrupting the adults when they were talking. Older relatives frequently commented that we were very well behaved and respectful, something the few remaining members of my grandparents' generation still say when they see either of us. I have no idea how we compared to children outside of extended family who weren't spanked because it wasn't something I paid any attention to at school. Some of my friends got spanked and some didn't but I never connected it with how it may or may not have influenced their behavior.

I don't have children and don't plan to. I don't think I would spank them if I did but I might if I had a child who was a severe behavior problem.

I live in a place where spanking your child is illegal and has been for quite some time.

And our children aren't any less well behaved than my grandparents generation who got spanked.

My parents punished me with loss of all or parts of my allowance when I was old enough to get that and either just getting told what I did wrong and why I shouldn't do it again. Or just getting sent to my room for the rest of the day or just a couple of hours.

And oddly enough I was polite and didn't do a lot of things I wasn't allowed to do: without the threat of pain hanging over my head, instead I had the threat of my parents being disappointed in me or the more shallow reason when I was a teenagers and hormones where running wild: I liked my spending money and I didn't want to loose 'em.

And my friends had mostly the same rules and punishments as I did, and most of us didn't break most of them and if we did we only did it once.

I can't speak of anyone being spanked though: because if you got spanked here it would go under abuse and would be illegal and something that children would be told to not tell their friends.

To me, spanking just comes off as lazy/bad parenting. If your kid is acting like a dick, there are MUCH better and more effective ways to teach them than to smack them around. I dunno why it's so acceptable if it's on their bum, but then it's considered abuse if it's on the face. It just all seems abusive to me.

Yeah. As a child I was hit a lot, and some of it would most certainly fall under 'child abuse'. At some point I just decided to hold to my own morals. No stealing, no hurting other people, helping others when you can, etc. I personally think that you can hit/beat a future criminal all you like but they're still going to be the way they are-because that is their choice. And honestly? If prison doesn't stop people from being pricks why would a threat from your parents?

I respectively disagree. :)

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