fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2200 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2200 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Vanessa Ferlito]

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[Iron Man]

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[The Tudors]

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[Kuroko no Basuke]

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[The Iron Giant]

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[Ace Attorney]

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[American Horror Story Asylum]

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Notes:

Going to pull a few secrets from the first page of next week's post to fill tomorrow's.

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 009 secrets from Secret Submission Post #314.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sooo.

I think my upstairs neighbour hits his partner. It's been going on for a few months now. I've heard them arguing loudly several times, and back in november one of my neighbours had to call the police. She screamed in pain and told him that he couldn't hit his sister because she was pregnant. The police came, she said everything was all right. They left, she took a suitcase and left with her sister-in-law and very young nephews (I don't think they actually all live together? I mean, I think all flats in the buildings have only one room with a kitchen plus a bathroom and I never hear more than two voices).

The day after, I called an association which helps abused women to ask for tips about how I should react if it ever happened again. They told me to call the police and to give her their number if I could (I can't, I don't even know what she looks like, which door I should knock on and we never see each other in the building). As you can sadly guess, she came back. Things were more or less okay for a while but today I heard her scream and she was telling him to let her go. I called the police. When they arrived, they passed her coming down the stairs and crying but she refused to meet their eyes. They told me that there was nothing they could do as long as she didn't press charges and nothing I could do except calling them every time it happens until it stops/she breaks up with her boyfriend/she confides in them and seeks their help.

I feel so helpless... I don't even know her but I can't bear the thought of her living through this. I just wish she would leave him for good and be okay...

Anyone had a similar experience? Any advice?

What I have to say is not going to be what you want to hear, but I can't in good conscience let it pass.

A few years ago I was living in a flat below a couple. I frequently heard them arguing, and eventually came to realise that they were violent towards each other. I was at one point asked if I had set the police on them, but I hadn't and thought little of the question.

Then on one particular occasion I heard them fight and smash things, then a thud, then silence. Actng on instinct I called the police from my landline.

Huge mistake. Despite my saying I was too scared to give my address, the police traced it to my flat and came knocking. I didn't answer, but it was seen, and the cops then moved on to try to find my neighbour. Upshot of this is that I ended up in hospital.

So please, OP be careful for yourself as well. Avoid doing anything that might make the partner aware of your involvement, this will protect both you and the victim. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

Thanks. I'll be careful.
I don't think he saw me, he was downstairs and outside when the cops came, but I'll be careful in the future.

Forgot to mention: that's also why I didn't and won't put pamphlets about help for abuse victims in their letterbox or anything like that. It'd probably make things worse if he saw them before her.

I hope you're okay as well and that you've recovered!

You sound like you have your head screwed on, I'm glad to hear you're looking out for yourself as well.

I agree about the pamphlets thing, it's just asking for trouble.

And yes, I am fine now, thank you :-)

Okay, the thing you have to remember here as that staying is her choice. So, trying to do anything beyond what you're doing would probably have a negative effect, since it sounds like she's not even admitting to herself what's going on. Until she reaches out for help, no one can force help on her.

Also, this might come off a little harsh but...it sounds like, in some ways, you're making this about you. ['I feel so helpless', etc] It might help to remember that it *isn't*, and that you're doing as much as you can.

Really? I don't want to make this about me, sorry if I came off that way...

Naw, it's fine - it's a tough situation.

But seriously, the only thing you can do right now it keep up what you've been doing, anything else has a fair chance at making it worse.

Thanks. I will.

if she won't press charges there isn't anything you or the police can do to get her out of there

unless she gets badly hurt but that's not an ideal solution at all

we've had similar abuse threads here before, look there and see if any of the links have info on how to survive instead of how to get out? because she's ready to leave yet and pushing her to leave might backfire because she's in denial. let her know it's okay to be upset and it's not okay for her to be hurt and that there are people who are willing to help her when she's ready to leave?

*hug*

Thanks for the tips! And for the hug. *hug*

Speaking as a person who grew up in an abusive household, I agree with the anon who said that you've done enough. She chooses to stay with him for some reason and interfering will only make her feel humiliated and angry at you.

[ SECRET POST #2200 ]

TW domestic violence

Re: TW domestic violence

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