fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2216 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2216 ⌋

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I work at a somewhat small business that is almost entirely staffed by Russian immigrant Jews. I am younger than everyone else, but I grew up within this culture too, so I know it pretty much inside-out.

So I find it pretty ridiculous when, if I have a spat with another employee, all my American friends tell me to talk to the boss. I literally cannot do that without making my life a living hell. Being an "informer" is pretty much the worst possible thing you can do in this culture. If I complain to the boss, half the staff will cease speaking to me, and the half on my side will start an all-out passive-aggressive war. (There are already "factions" at my work over certain personal slights. No, I'm not kidding. Two people at my work have been fighting because one gave the other a piece of cake in an aggressive manner. Many more animosities have brewed over people forgetting to say, "Good Morning". It's always assumed you're ignoring them on purpose.)

Our boss is an American WASP who has no idea about this culture at all. He doesn't understand that when there's an argument, the only thing to be done is separate the arguers and don't fuel the fire. Let them ignore each other in a snide way. But he tries to talk to them about good American business practice in complicated English that they half-understand, firing someone for annoying another because he doesn't understand how important either are to the business. He mostly doesn't even try to understand how his staff thinks, secluding himself up in his office and never being quite sure what the staff is doing, then coming downstairs and demanding to know where things are that he never asked for, or didn't describe correctly.

Anyway, sorry about the rant. I'm just so tired of trying to apply American thought patterns to a non-American workplace.

Oh, I know. I still can't even consider it seriously. In my culture it is outright ratting. I can't see how one can be in a good relationship with someone and still report their conflict to the boss.

Don't have any advice, just feeling bad for you, your coworkers and your boss. Pretty much everyone in this story is a wreck.

I'm American and it seems really strange to me to recommend you talk to the boss about a minor coworker problem. You only go to the boss for customers, or when the conflict starts to seriously mess with business or is criminal in nature (i.e. sexual harassment), never petty personal stuff between employees, bosses I've known would be disgusted grown-ass people would be coming to him/her with that. But then, I'm not white American, so maybe that's it?

Erm...In my white American experience, the situation is the same. You only go to your boss/supervisor if there's a major problem that requires their authority, otherwise you deal with shit yourself. I've gotten in a tiff with coworkers before, but I didn't go to the boss with it. He has bigger shit to worry about than a somewhat upsetting incident. I went home and bitched about it to my boyfriend, because that's what grown-ass people do.

My father's side is entirely Russian Jewish immigrants, so I get where you're coming from. They don't want anything to do with my sister and I, because they feel we're 'failures'. (I'm poor, I grew up poor, sue me!)

I know what you mean about being ignored for being poor in America. My uncle's family barely ever spoke to us because both of my parents believe in living below their means. So our glamorous extended family doesn't like to mention that they're related to us. But the secret is? Almost every single "rich" Jewish immigrant family I've met has been living waaaaaay in debt.

That sad part is, is that they aren't rich. They're middleclass. My great aunt's son lives off of her and his arranged marriage wife constantly cheats on him. But I'm not part of the family because I work in customer service. Ah, kay then! :p

Fighting because someone forgot to say 'Good Morning'? What kind of people are you working with? Like, it's morning. People have only had one cup of coffee so far. They haven't woken up yet. Seriously, who would start a fight over that? Or about cake. Cake is supposed to bring people together, not alienate them.

I agree that you shouldn't run to the boss unless something is damaging/criminal/super serious, but I don't think the problem is the advice. I think the problem is you have lousy co-workers.

Agreed. This isn't a cultural thing; this is a "what the fuck is the matter with these people" thing.

I understand where you're coming from, and having been raised in the US, I am not nearly as sensitive about these particular issues. But remember that this culture is different from your culture. It attaches great importance to acknowledgement of others and formal interaction. It is trained into your brain from a very small age that when you see someone, you acknowledge their presence. If you do not do so, it will be seen as deliberate unless you rectify the mistake. If I forgot to say good morning to a coworker, I could easily go and say it later that day and be forgiven and all will be well with the world. But specifically passing someone by without acknowledging them Is Not Done. And if you don't keep sharp about it, the other person will take offense.

If you take the time to acknowledge someone and treat them with kindness and warmth, this is a culture that will stick close to you and welcome you and take care of you as long as they can. Unfortunately, misunderstandings and pride can get in the way of this, especially when you have a tense environment that is being affected by fear of job cuts and lack of clearness in procedure.

...People doing pretty much what you just did [-topic turns into rant about OMG!AMERICANS ARE SO...'], and getting hurt when I disengage/refuse to stand there and take it [Not that I go 'OMG, HOW DAR U!' but more 'Hey, I'm not comfortable with this, can we talk about something else.'. : /

Fuck culture. It might sound harsh, but your co-workers need to grow the fuck up and stop acting like 5-year-olds. Your co-workers sound incredibly petty and childish, splitting into goddamn factions like the workplace is a warzone over MORNING GREETINGS AND CAKE.

~Culture~ is no excuse to not act like an adult and a decent human being in the workplace, I'm sorry.

[ SECRET POST #2216 ]

When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture

Re: When You Feel Like Ordinary Advice Completely Ignores Your Culture