fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2216 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2216 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ayrt
I've mostly seen it from ftm guys (understandably because a guy is more likely to be a misogynist than a mtf woman). Basically lots of 'girls are catty' and 'girls only talk about boys/clothes/whatever' and 'girls are bitches'. Sort of a grade school mentality. But there's also lots of 'misandry is real because guys have to shave their faces just like girls have to shave their legs' false equivalencies that you'll see get thrown around. And dudebro entitlement, that straight women should be automatically sexually available for them just because they work out or whatever and any chick who isn't interested is just a bitch or discriminating because they're trans (even when those women don't know that the guy is trans).

There's also lots of really heavily misogynistic vagina-shaming in parts of the ftm community. Like, 'I need to get a dick because c*nts are gross and smelly' type comments. Again, dysphoria can explain it, but dysphoria isn't an excuse for sexism. There's also lots of fat-phobia (for a few reasons, such as it being easier for thin people to pass in either direction) that tends to tie in with the sexist attitudes.

(And, personal anecdata, I identify as genderqueer/fuck now, but I used to identify as ftm because I was entertaining the idea of transitioning, and the really horrifically gross sexism of so many ftm guys basically entirely turned me off transitioning and made me embrace the parts I had even if my gender doesn't match.)

Holy crap. I have never seen any of this o____o FWIW, I'm FTM and I understand that none of that is okay, and none of the FTM guys I've been around have acted like this. Not all of us guys (cis or trans!) fall into the horrible traps of "acceptable masculine behavior" Western culture shoves down our throats :(

I'm sorry you've had such a gross experience with them :c That's just appalling behavior, no matter who it's from.

A lot of it isn't immediately obvious, but more patterns of behavior that you start to notice. Like, one person says something really sexist and you can excuse it as 'that person is sexist'. But after the hundredth person, it becomes a pattern. And after the thousandth you notice it even in places you didn't before. It sort of crept up on me over a few years, until I was re-reading some old favorites by the "elder wisemen" of various ftm communities and saw all of the things I'd missed.

There's definitely awesome trans* people out there, lots of them! But the movement has some serious issues, too.

Not that I'm excusing their behavior, but some of it might be reactionary to the misogynistic culture - many FTM guys aren't taken seriously because they're female, and I know the "ubermasculine" thing used to be the only thing people would take as acceptable behavior for a trans guy, because if you were just going to be "effeminate" anyway, then why not just be a girl? That sort of thing. I get told a lot that I can do X, Y, Z, "and still be a girl!" and I can see where the reactionary (and childish) comments of "but girls are _____!" come from. Our culture tends to define gender in actions and expressions, and when you're coming into your own as a trans person, it can be hard not to fall into using "But I don't do that!" as a way to assert that you're not that gender. I used to be that way, and I know now that my comments weren't okay, but they were also coming from a place of anger and frustration, and I needed to grow up a bit to recognize how to better word myself to assert my identity without attacking anybody else.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a discussion. It's just rather near and dear to my heart, and I'm a little over-protective. It hurts knowing that there's all this in-fighting within and between minority groups :c

Oh yeah, a lot of it is definitely a reaction to our culture, and a lot is insecurity, too. Unfortunately, especially for newly-transitioning guys, its easy to confuse acting masculine with dudebro douchebag behavior, because 'masculinity' is actually a lot more subtle than 'drink beer, watch football, hate women'. But this sort of thing can make trans* spaces seem like very unsafe and unwelcoming places to people who aren't okay with that kind of posturing. (And there are lots of reasons beyond just 'I don't like sexism', like not wanting to have surgery, not wanting to transition, being a trans person without body dysphoria, etc.)

It's cool! Its a discussion that needs to be had, after all! :D

[ SECRET POST #2216 ]

Re: Activist Communities

Re: Activist Communities

Re: Activist Communities

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Re: Activist Communities