fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2219 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2219 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Oofuri]

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03.

[Adventure Time]

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04.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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[Gangnam Style/PSY]

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06.

[Arthur Conan Doyle]

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[Sherlock]

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08.

[Richard Armitage]

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[Bioshock 1&2, Heavy Rain, Silent Hill 1&3, Alias, Taken 1&2, Once Upon A Time]

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10.

[Lizzie Bennet Diaries]

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11.

[Steam Powered Giraffe]

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[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]

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13.

[Ghost World/Safety Not Guaranteed]

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14.

[Patalliro]

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15.

[Bones]

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16.

[Hetalia]

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17.

[Dynasty Warriors]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #317.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not sure what you mean, so sorry if my answer is not the right one.
He doesn't really argue about this stuff. For example he said we couldn't get married if we didn't move together and I disagree - because why not? But he wouldn't be moved from that sentiment because "that's not how it's done" so to speak.

Maybe it would have been better to say he's very traditional about these in a way? But not because he likes tradition so much, but because he's just very convinced that some things have to be done a certain way.

With all due respect, how the heck is moving in together before getting married traditional?

Unless you're suggesting you get married but live apart?

Yes I mean the latter of course, like I said in my original post I don't really want to move in together at all.

Didn't get the vibe that you "didn't want to move in together at all." Knowing that, I rescind my previous "let it play out." It doesn't sound like you're all that into him or at least not as into him as he is to you, and you should probably move on.

Now that is just rude.

How is that rude? She (or you, idfk) asked for advice, I gave some, then realized it was inadequate when more information about the situation came out. If they're on that separate of pages, they're not seeming like a good fit, and generally it's the one who doesn't want to move the relationship to another level that is the least involved in it.

Yes I'm the op. And it's rude to judge my decision and conclude that it must mean I'm not invested enough in the relationship. So if I didn't want to marry would that mean the same? Or not have kids, stat? Most people would admit that there are perfectly understandable reasons to reject both, but you draw the line at having your own apartment?

It implies that I would change my mind for a different person, even though nowhere did I say so.
So yeah, rude.

Fine, but if you don't want honest opinions then learn how to deal with your own shit instead of whining for other people to solve your problems for you.

So you're allowed to give your honest opinion, but I'm not allowed to respond with mine? No, go on, that seems about right.

And it's turtles all the way down.

DA

It's not about honest/dishonest, it's about how you jumped to rather insulting conclusions about OP's degree of involvement, and then won't apologize when they point out your conclusion was incorrect.

For some people, love is about wanting to be near the other person as much as possible. For others it's more about being reallyreally happy the other person exists and likes them back. I'm guessing OP, like me, is more in the latter group. Some people just need more space than others.

....girly, you shouldn't marry someone you don't want to eventually live with. Break up now you can't have your cake and eat it too.

??????

Your original comment was problematic because it invalidates relationships that do not have the goal of cohabiting/marrying/having kids. It implies that you can only be committed to your partner if you follow a certain path.

I agree OP and her partner might not be a good fit based on the info we have. However I find the whole concept of needing to "take a relationship to another level" deeply flawed; because it implies that there are indeed "levels" and that a relationship needs to follow a certain course to be good, genuine or committed. This of course is nonsense, and there have been great love stories lived by people who did none of the above.

Edited 2013-01-30 02:56 (UTC)

But...relationships do have levels, though. That's not to say they're levels on a *path to the top* or whatever. But a relationship is different between people who have just started dating and people who have been dating for years and people who want to live together or get married.

Okay. That isn't really a traditional marriage at all.

Moving in with someone you're in a relationship with is scary. It damn well should be scary. I myself am terrified of it. Moving in together means your horizons are permanently limited by what the other person can handle unless you break up. I don't know what your professional aspirations are, but there are going to be opportunities you can never take without hurting them. Perfect job for you far away? You can't take it unless they're willing to move with you. This might make you miserable. Hobby they don't like? You might not be able to participate in it without hurting their feelings. Moving in with someone can mean losing a great deal of autonomy and freedom. Frankly it usually does. This is going to be even worse when you have kids.

If you aren't compatible enough with someone that you're willing to put up with all that, I don't know what to tell you. Talk to him about this.

Edited 2013-01-30 01:55 (UTC)

So, he wants to live together before (maybe) getting married some day? That makes perfect sense. You can never know all of a person's habits and quirks just by dating with the occassional sleepover. And some of those habits and quirks could be pretty big deal breakers.

Yeah, but you're moved in already. What if you can't move out easily? You're stuck.

No lease lasts forever. Also, I don't think moving in together isn't an decision that should be taken lightly or with just anybody, but I'm stepping out of this thread, because OP doesn't appear to want me here.

Edited 2013-01-30 01:42 (UTC)

Yeah, but it can last a hell of a lot longer than the relationship's happy, with the less financially stable partner scared to break up for financial in addition to romantic reasons.

Moving in together shouldn't be treated like a compatibility test unless you're really sure you're compatible otherwise.

[ SECRET POST #2219 ]

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