fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2220 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2220 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Sherlock, The Hobbit, Doctor Who]

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[Hotel Transylvania]

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[Skyfall]

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[Love Actually]

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[The Walking Dead]

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[Small Wonder]

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[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]

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[Downton Abbey]

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[Magi]

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[Homestuck]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #317.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

alright y'all. there's this guy who I find 100% unappealing at school...he cracks his back all the time,also he is kind of lurky and annoying, etc...I know it sounds shallow when I shorten it like this, but the important thing is that I am not and never will be interested in him. anyway, for my homeroom I got him as my secret santa back in december and decided to bake him gingerbread men wearing the jerseys of the team he (very publicly) supports. ever since, he keeps trying to sit near me in classes and stares at me constantly. usually I have no problem with being up front, but in this case, I just feel very uncomfortable and I'm terrified every day that he'll try to ask me out or something. I'm trying to hard-core ignore him, but he will actually go out of his way to get in my line of sight these days...I'm struggling alone with this because I know my friends would be like, "but he's so nice it's not that big of a deal" and all that. does anyone have any suggestions about what to do? this is really awful.

If he asks you out, be blunt with him. Tell him you just aren't interested. If he starts harassing you, go to the school administration.

Are you absolutely sure your friends wouldn't understand? I've had experiences just like this, and I think a lot of other women have and would understand.
I second the recommendation above about saying no clearly, but also having friends who know how you feel and who aren't going to giggle when he approaches you or otherwise encourage him would probably help a lot.

He needs to get over you. It sucks and it sounds like you feel guilty. You shouldn't.

Emit waves of disinterest or be generous with the stanky eye. Good ol' hostility works wonders for nipping crushes in the bud! or, uh, bloom I guess?

Though seriously, I hope this guy's not invading your space. Rejecting people is kind of a thing you need to deal with or learn to do anyways, just as with most any variety of common social situations that can nerve wrack people (eg: like taking rejection). Why not mentally prepare yourself on what to say if it does come up.

I'm with above anon on being blunt.

Wow, you're a complete asshole. "Oh no he cracks his back!" for fuck's sake...

No, you're a complete asshole. She's on an anonymous forum and even here she feels the need to make excuses about why she doesn't want to date the guy. What is wrong with you.

Oh, you're so right. Anon should totally just be okay with having their personal space invaded. She totally owes it to him for no reason.

Oh Anon, I am in the exact same situation...

And my friends are all: oh but wont you date him, he seems nice.

And I just go: HE GOT LONG HAIR AND HE IS LIKE 5 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME! and most importantly I don't like him, at all.

Anyway, ignoring seems to be the best way to go, say no if he ever asks you out and if you get really uncomfortable talk to someone at your school.

and most importantly I don't like him, at all.

Why should THAT matter? He seems nice!

I know, oh and not only is he "nice" he likes Doctor Who, so we must be made for each other...

Here's the thing: you can't manufacture chemistry. Why we are attracted to people is a mysterious formula that doesn't necessarily follow the dictates of logic. Someone might be perfect for you on paper and a super nice guy but not at all compatible with you in reality.

Never ever feel guilty or allow anyone to make you feel guilty for not being attracted to someone.

*hugs*

I've been in situations like that and it sucks. People who act like this guy is acting are usually not the kind of people who can take a hint and will act like you are the worst bitch in the world if you bluntly say "go away."

I think you should try talking to your friends first and letting them know that this guy is making you uncomfortable. Hopefully you can get them in your corner before you actually say anything to the guy.

If anyone tries to make you explain why you're not into him, just say "I don't need a reason." Really - attraction is an "either you feel it or you don't" kind of thing and you don't have to give supporting evidence for your feelings.

As for the guy, perhaps you could approaching it something like "I'm getting worried that maybe you think I'm leading you on and I wanted to say, that wasn't my intention and I just want to be clear that I'm not interested in hanging out with you. I'm sorry if I mislead you." (I'm not saying you mislead him at all, but I think it might help if you act like you're taking the blame.)

If he does ask you out or make a move, be direct with him. Don't say "I'm not sure if I like you..." or words to that effect; it's better that you be honest and tell him: "I don't feel the same way about you as you do about me, and I never will."
Hurting his feelings momentarily is better than lying about feelings you don't have.

(But yeah, I know how annoying it is when guys do that whole "hover" thing and just stare at you and never fucking resolve anything. Try to avoid him as best you can.)

Anon, I'm sorry, that seems really annoying and stressful for you. Remember you do not owe him anything but normal politeness, and even that is only true as long as he's polite to you. You don't owe him attraction, attention beyond what common courtesy demands, and definitely not a date. If he asks you out, you're absolutely not wrong to say no, and if your friends think they have more of a say in your love life than you do, then they, frankly, need to shut up.

Captain Awkward gets a lot of questions like this one. I think you might find this particular reader letter, and especially the answer, really useful: hhttp://captainawkward.com/2012/05/08/242-can-i-tell-guys-i-dont-want-to-date-them-before-they-ask-me-to-date-them/

Good luck, Anon, and remember: you haven't done anything wrong.

[ SECRET POST #2220 ]

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