fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2221 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2221 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm the anon from last night. I'm sorry for being such a baby, you guys.
I didn't end up going to the counseling center, but it's still open tomorrow. But today I learned that my mom, thought invading my privacy, now knows about (at the very least) my self-esteem issues, and I'm afraid that she'd find out if I went to counseling.

So?

Forgive me, i didn't see this so there might be some complication I'm not aware of... but I think that you working towards improving your well being is more important then your mom's perception of your well being. Especially if she already knows at least part of it anyway?

Whenever she thinks somethings wrong with me, she tries to shame me back to normal. She already thought that I had an eating disorder, but her solution was to make fun of me whenever I ate while I was home. Then she was bullying me into food. Thankfully, I'm in a dorm right now.
Plus, I really don't want my parents to find out that I'm gay (which is causing some anxiety). They don't tend to give me privacy so I'm scared that they'll dig it up once they think something's wrong.

if you are away from home, I don't really think they can be told about your going to mental health. If anything it sounds like this is the best time for you to persue just that. And keep mum about it where they might be able to find out.

I really hope you are able to get help and I'm so sorry your mom is acting that way. I really think it's harmful to you. Don't listen to her if she shames or makes fun of you - do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

<3

Try not to feel ashamed of seeking counseling. It doesn't say anything about you, except that you're having some trouble and seeking assistance with that trouble. It's the same as going to an accountant to help you file taxes, or seeing the dentist for a cavity, or something.

Yes, also this, seconding, etc. I was really hung up on getting counseling for a long time out of shame.

Which situation would you rather be in: have your mom know that sometimes you have issues about shit and you're in counseling, while working towards trying to get to a place where you can live your life - or keep your mom in the dark, and just remain in the place you are now in total stasis with all the pain you're feeling?

I mean, I really, really know what you're feeling. I really fucking do. Not in terms of the depths of anything you're going through, your issues seem a lot more serious than mine ever have been, but in terms of secrecy and all that - I'm, like, obsessive about secrecy and I felt the same way you do and I hate to have anyone find out that I'm weak in any way. But at the end of the day, you have to fucking do something, and if having to appear weak and not being able to keep things is the price you've got to pay, well, then that's the price you're going to have to pay.

I'm just in the closet and I don't want to get kicked out.
Plus my mom tends to try and solve my problems with negative reinforcement even when it doesn't make sense. (Like making fun of me for eating when she thinks I have an eating disorder)

Well, your moms sounds like kind of a shitty person, but c'est la vie. I mean, it's totally understandable that you wouldn't want her to know, for good reasons and just out of inclination. I totally get that. But on some level, you have to make a choice here.

I assume there's a paying-for-college kind of a situation going on here, or some other kind of financial support?

yeah, my parents are paying partly for college. And for other expenses like food and clothing. I'm just a freshman right now.
And I feel like I'm cheating them out of their money because I know that there is no way in hell they'd pay anything if they knew how I am.

DA - If they're shitty enough to pull the rug out from under you just because you're the way you are, then they deserve to be "cheated" out of their money. A parent's love and support shouldn't be conditional on things like that - it is, I know, but it really shouldn't be. And if they'd support you if you were straight and neurotypical, then you deserve that support. Even if you have to lie to get it.

Don't be ashamed of yourself or of what you have to do to make it. Life is hard enough as it is; do what you need to to make it that much easier. And as a legal adult, I don't think the health office can inform your parents unless you give explicit permission. Just explain that you're in a precarious situation and you can't have your parents finding out - you're not the first person to be in this situation, and I'm sure the college has ways to deal with that.

anon who was involved in this conversation - i agree with this, and think you for saying it. I couldn't find a way that wasn't... uh... impolitic, to say the least.

I don't believe in unconditional love.

Not going to counselling out of shame (and because I didn't want my parents to find out how bad was I) was the worst thing I ever did. I should have started on 2006/2007. I had to almost die to acknowledge I has fucked up and in deep, deep shit, and that I needed help. Don't make the same mistake. Help yourself to get help.

DON'T APOLOGIZE.

Seriously you're not a baby, you need help. Like, serious help. Like, "biohazardgirl read your comment and is afraid you might kick the bucket" kind of help.

If she finds out about counseling, then she finds out. I am fairly certain she would rather you be going to counseling than if you were dead or hospitalized because you didn't go get help.

Thank you so much.
I think I'm fine though. I ate dinner today and everything.

Yeah, but anon, this shit comes back. It's medically proven. Save yourself the trouble and just go to counseling. Stuff gets worse the longer it goes on.

[ SECRET POST #2221 ]

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