fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2222 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2222 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Adenauer and DeGaulle]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

16. [SPOILERS for Celeste & Jesse Forever]

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17. [SPOILERS for Superior Spider-Man, Scarlet Spider]

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18. [SPOILERS for DMC: Devil May Cry]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

19. [WARNING for incest]

[A Tale of Two Sisters]

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20. [WARNING for suicide]

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21. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #317.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

One of my best friends has, for quite a while, had romantic feelings for me. It was pretty obvious to my friends even if he never said anything to me about it. So my friend convinced me, while I was really drunk, to make a move... so I did. And I immediately regretted it because I knew I didn't feel the same way, and that I would just end up hurting him. I was honest, and he got pissed and acted really cold to me for a long time, until recently when he apologized for being distant... and he basically poured his heart out to me and said really amazing things, but... what do you say when you just don't feel that way about someone? I really wish I could, but I'm just going to end up hurting him.

No matter what you do you will end up hurting him.

The choice is how you do it, either be honest now and tell him you can't be with him romantically or hurt him in a month or in a year when you can't pretend to have romantic feelings for him any more and break it off.

Honesty is always the best policy, so just tell him the truth and maybe you should spend some time away from each other?

This.

I'm sorry the both of you have to go through this, but it's best you be open about your feelings. It'll hurt but he will get over it, and I imagine he'll appreciate your honesty.

Just tell him exactly that. Tell him that he's your friend, you really care about him, you don't want to hurt him, and you know that you will hurt him if you try to have a relationship with him because you don't feel that way. Just be honest and communicate everything clearly. If he's a reasonable person who genuinely cares about you, he probably doesn't want you to just be with him even if you don't have feelings for him, and he should understand that it's not like you can magically whip up feelings for him.

If you get into a relationship with a friend when you know you won't return his feelings and will just wind up hurting him, not only are you doing yourself a disservice, you're not being a very good friend either.

The weird thing is that I've already told him this, after I made the first move. I was really clear and honest about it all because I thought a clean cut was easier for him. It's just, this time, he wasn't really asking for a relationship. He was just telling me his feelings about me, in a ridiculously nice and makes-you-feel-special kind of way. He even said that he knows I don't feel the same way about him. What do you say to that, really? "Thanks for making me not hate myself for once but sorry I can't love you that way" is just... shit.

I think you *can* say that, maybe not in such blunt words, but there's nothing wrong with saying that if it's the truth. Just tell him your feelings aren't romantic, and you can't really make them romantic, but you care about him as a friend and appreciate the things he said. It won't magically make everything fine of course, these things take time to get over, but it'll draw a clear line in the sand and if he knows for sure you don't have romantic feelings for him but you also don't hate or resent him, that's the best way for him to start getting over it.

Romantic feelings aren't fundamentally better than platonic feelings. I know that'll sound hollow in a situation like this, but it's better than misleading him and yourself. You shouldn't feel like you owe him romantic feelings because he said such nice things to you. If you appreciate what he said, that's really all you can do and there's nothing wrong with that.

You have to be upfront. I have been in your friend's position more than once, and I can tell you that a blunt rejection hurts a million times less than sugarcoating it for the sake of being nice. I even told one person, "You can't say something like 'I'm not interested right now' because that will just make me think that someday you WILL be." And maybe that's my problem but, once they made it CLEAR that it would never happen, I was able to get over my crush. And now we're normal friends, and it's so much better.

When I need to tell someone something important, I write out all my feelings as if it's a letter they're gonna read--except they won't, so it's uncensored. That helps me get to the point when the time comes to really say it.

All of this.

OK, let's put it this way:

If you decide to be polite or to spare his feelings or whatever, in the long run, you will end up hurting him far more than if you be honest with him.

You can't manufacture love and attraction. The kindest thing to do in this siutation is to be honest. You don't feel the same way, and you don't want to go out with him.

[ SECRET POST #2222 ]

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