fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2231 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2231 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 086 secrets from Secret Submission Post #319.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kind of exasperating to see so many people who don't get that this is NOT what this is about, and are so busy falling over themselves to make it about them.

Or do you think that having lots of partners is exactly the same as being "strong" and "liberated"? Funny, I thought it was about personal choice.

You are an asshole for shaming asexuals by implication, so fuck off.

Or just people who are not sexually active for whatever other reason.

Or monogamous people. According to several people upthread, they all must be prudish Catholics or Mormons. Not, y'know, for example, strong feminists who have made choices they are happy with.

Yet a promiscuous person can never be happy with the choices they've made, amirite?

Uh, no, I'm just trying to point out that non-promiscuous people can also be happy with their choices.

lol you are desperately grasping at straws here

nobody said that

Seriously. I'm not voluntarily a thirty year old virgin, trust me. Stop acting like it makes me childish.

I am voluntarily a thirty-year-old virgin, and I don't think it makes me childish.

AYRT - No, it doesn't.

(Make you childish, that is... there's nothing childish about being a virgin.)

One the one hand, I agree that promiscuity = strong female character is really tiresome, and it's just a hack writing tool to get your tits in a show and stop people from complaining about sexism at the same time. I'm a big comic book fans, and I'll be damned if I don't hear this excuse come up every other fucking female character. "Of course she dresses in a string bikini and fishnets, SHE'S EMPOWERED AND LOVES SEX YOU DON'T GET TO TELL WOMEN WHETHER THEY CAN HAVE SEX." Yeah, k, she's not a real woman, she's your sex fantasy.

OTOH, OP is clearly pearl clutching here by calling promiscuity itself to be a bad decision.

Well, I don't think it's necessarily the having sex with many different people as having sex with many different bad people - I mean like drug dealer, mobster, hit man, and so on. If you continually choose to sleep with these kinds of people (knowing who they are and what they do), some might consider that poor decision making.

And if the person having sex with those people is happy, who the hell is anyone else to make them feel bad for it?

That is slut-shaming.

I would also want to make them feel bad about it if they were sharing their bank account information or going to the movies or having a book club with those people. It is a bad idea to hang out with some people. Having sex with them does not make it any less a bad idea.

Why does it matter to you, though? It's their life, not yours. As long as they're happy, what business is it of yours?

You don't get to dictate someone else's choices.

You might not be able to dictate someone's life choices, but that doesn't mean that you won't notice when people make stupid life choices.

Again, just because you think it's a stupid choice doesn't mean you get carte blanche to make them feel bad about it if they're happy with that choice.

Who said anything about "making them feel bad about it?" The original context was being annoyed at a stale plot line. Although, now that you being it up, "being happy" is a rather subjective concept, especially when you take "happy now" vs. "happy in the long run" into consideration, not to mention "effect on the people around him/her." I mean, isn't that what interventions are all about? Not to mention just honestly telling the people close to you that you're worried about some of their behavior.

The anon I was replying to:

I would also want to make them feel bad about it if they were sharing their bank account information or going to the movies or having a book club with those people.

Again, who they're sleeping with and how many does not affect you. At all. If it does? You are the one with the problem.

Intervention is extremely overrated, IMO, and more about satisfying the need to control others rather than preserving someone's well-being. If they want to run their life into the ground, but they're happy doing it? Let them have at it as long as it's not directly harming someone else.

*shrug* The bank account sharing, etc. would affect a friend less than the promiscuity, and the same rule applies. At the end of the day, it's a difference of opinion and lifestyle. You feel that friends shouldn't interfere or make their opinions known, and other people do.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-02-11 13:58 (UTC) - Expand

visp - 2013-02-11 19:27 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-02-11 23:57 (UTC) - Expand

If they want to run their life into the ground, but they're happy doing it? Let them have at it as long as it's not directly harming someone else.

The problem is, a lot of times people who run their lives directly into the ground do a huge amount of collateral damage along the way. Personal experience talking here, unfortunately.

(Anonymous) - 2013-02-11 23:58 (UTC) - Expand

Well, that depends. How closely am I tied to them? Do I care about their welfare, security, and general well-being? Am I expected to trust them with anything of mine? If the person has absolutely nothing to do with me, then it's none of my business and they'd never hear what I think anyway -- but if you ask me to evaluate the behavior, I will evaluate it according to the standards I know. If someone I care about is going out to the movies with a violent untrustworthy creep, I'm going to be concerned. If my boss is having a book club with a hate group, I'm going to Human Resources. If my spouse is sharing bank account information with individuals purporting to be exiled royalty, I'm going to flip the fuck out.

Some things are really stupid. Being sexual does not make them any less stupid.

because they are CHARACTERS IN A THING

this thank you

People looking at characters and saying "I'm annoyed at ____ for making a dumb personal decision" is a whole different ballgame than doing the same for real people. Unlike real people, characters actually exist for us to enjoy them.

Edited 2013-02-12 01:02 (UTC)

I think people's judgement of characters, though, says way more about their judgement of real people than they realize.