fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2242 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2242 ⌋

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I think I’m drifting away from one of my best friends. A lot of big changes have been happening lately, especially in her life, and I don’t know… it’s just suddenly hit me that we both seem to need each other less than before, and I have no idea what to do with that. She used to be the person who knew me the best, the one person I knew I could turn to day or night with anything big or small, but lately there’s a weird sense of awkwardness and a couple of times one of us has said something that just makes it clear that we don’t know each other quite as well as before (usually her, but I could be saying lots of stuff that’s weird to her and just not know it). She still matters a lot to me, and I want her in my life. She’s still being a really good friend to me, and I of course strive to be the best friend I can to her, in spite of the awkwardness. I get that people and relationships change, and I’m open to our friendship developing and us maybe not being as close as before (as much as it would pain me), but I’m really scared that I’ll lose her completely.

Have you had any friendships like this, f!s, and what did you do to make sure you didn’t lose the friendship entirely when it changed?

Well, I have had friendships like that, but as I pretty much have no relationship whatsoever with the people involved anymore, I guess I don't really have any advice.

(It's probably been for the best in my case, though)

I've had many friendships that have fallen by the wayside, not all of them gracefully. Unfortunately I've not mastered the trick to maintaining friendships past a certain point of difference. Worse, sometimes a split just plain is inevitable. I'm not saying this one is likely to result in that, but if things keep going the way you're describing, my only advice to you in that situation is not to end it on bad terms. If it looks like you're developing some irreconcilable differences, instead of letting it build up into a big showdown, carefully and quietly just disengage, and if she says something hurtful or otherwise off-putting, don't be afraid to back away rather than react. Let her go her own way and you go on yours. Maybe in a few years you'll orbit back to each other as you get older and realized, hey, you kind of miss each other.

Edited 2013-02-21 23:49 (UTC)

I'm worried that this is about me.

op: I doubt my friend knows about this place, so I think you're in the clear :) Sorry you're going through something similar, though

Well, good. My friend isn't a regular here, but knows about it, and your typing style reminded me of them. I'm sorry it's like that for you too but maybe you just have to go with the flow for now. :(

I think the best thing to do in this situation is simply to make sure you keep in touch as normally as possible and make sure your friend knows how much you care about them. Maybe tell them that you still deeply value their friendship even if it isn't exactly the same as it used to be.

Though tbh, I don't have good experiences with this, and sometimes even if you make an effort things won't work out. :/

Good luck!

This was me. At first you'll try to reconcile things but eventually it will probably fall apart, if it was headed that way, which it sounds like it is. Hate to break it to you OP. :( To be fair, having really close friendships fall apart isn't as bad as you think. It will suck at first but eventually you'll move on and make new friends.

I've had the same best friend for 10+ years, and like any other relationship, friendship has its highs and lows. It's possibly that you feel you're drifting away because one or both of you are changing. That's okay! No one stays the same person forever. The important part is still to be there for each other and stay in touch. She may wanna do things you don't or hang out with other people, that's fine. If you keep the communication open, at the end of the day, you'll still be her best friend.

My best friend and I had the same interested in high school and college, but now that we're adults (not lol) our interests and priorities are shifting, but we still stay in touch and listen to each other. Even if I don't get what she's saying, I try to at least be supportive and that goes a long way for us.

This is good advice.

I just read this again and wow so many typos. Eek.

I've had lots of friends who I've drifted apart from, but it's usually fun just to reconnect every now and then even if it does happen. I love getting together with old friends for coffee. :)

I hope things work out well for you and your friend, OP, and you find a level of closeness that is comfortable for both of you. <3

This sounds almost exactly like me atm, but I'm scared to lose what my friend represents (safety and companionship) rather than her as a person.
If you really are scared to lose your friend, you should make every effort to solve the problem. Talking to her about how you feel and getting her opinion on the differences you've developed may help, but as others have said, sometimes you have to accept that some friendships just don't work out the way you'd like.
(I'm actually writing what I need to hear, so sorry if it's weird.)

This kind of thing has happened to me, too. All I can recommend is try to stay in touch and make sure she knows you still care. It's possible that right now you two are just going through a phase where you're not as close, but that doesn't mean you can never be close again.

I hope things work out between you two! *hugs*

yeah, my best friend right now. we're still friends but not as close

catch ups ever couples of weeks or so. i'm initiating them less since I'm tired of the one being invested in keeping it going.
especially since she got a boyfriend and distanced herself

and especially after she said something hurtful about my recent medical problems.

so i've scratched a lot of things off our talk list so its real small now and awkward and i think she realised i hurt cause it was awkward next catch up
and then she talks about being lonely all the time but is rarely the one to contact me.

also i have fulltime work and she doesnt and i got a baby animal recently so I can't stay out too late
and all she wants to do is go out and party and hitch me up with girls and I've been telling her for years that's not fun for me.

we have been great friends through familiarity and roomates but now we're growing apart after 13 years friendship...

idk op. i'm pretty sad and confused and lonely

Could it be that she's just feeling awkward too?

You said she's feeling lonely but doesn't try to make plans with you, and also that she realizes you're hurt... it could be that she wants to stay friends but isn't sure how you'll react to just hanging out so she uses the parties as an "excuse" (not the right word, but I can't think of anything else) to hang out with you.

Anyway, I'm sorry. :( I hope things get better.

Oh hon :( I'm right there now, and it sucks. I can't offer you any advice, but you have my deepest sympathies. *Offers all the hugs*

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