fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2244 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2244 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I really hate my maid/domestic helper/[insert whatever term you find inoffensive here]. It's bad enough that I get anxious around strangers, and this is one stranger we have to keep in the house, but whenever we ask her to do something, she replies 'Yeah, yeah' in this really condescending tone and it PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF every time she talks to me.

And we can't get rid of her because she's my grandmum's charity project, and we don't want to let her down :| But I hate that she treats all of us (including my mother!) like children whenever we talk to her. If I try to tell her that she's doing something wrong, she'll argue, and I just ... c'mon, she's paid to do the chores. Can't she just do that and shut up?

Still, I sound like a major asshole (yeah, my family is rich enough to afford a maid. In my defense, having a maid is kind of the culture and even families that aren't well-off have maids) so I never say that aloud.

There's nothing assholish about this. She's an employee, not a family friend, so that alone would give you a right to expect her to just do her work. Or does your grandmother pay her and the rest of you are just a obligatory nuisance for her?

Well I guess I just feel that way because I know plenty of people who feel that their maids are part of the family, but I can't imagine letting her in like that. Still, it isn't my grandmother paying for her, so I guess you might be right.

think of her the way I do when I'm somewhere I feel intimidated, like a snooty restaurant where the waitress is looking down her nose at me - YOU work here, I'M eating here

they are only being antagonistic because they know they're serving you, so laugh it up

Do you know anything about her as a person? You don't have to bond with her, but if you're living in the same house it'll help if you're able to interact with her on some level of interpersonal empathy.

I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have a maid working for you and where the natural boundary lines you want/need to draw are. But from the other side and done janitorial/cleaning work, sometimes employers can be really awful about not sticking to (or outlining in the first place)the specific responsibilities you'll have. With the best will in the world they can end up treating you as a generic drudge though poor organisation, and that's really dehumanising. That very quickly leads to getting taken advantage of and that can be infuriating.

If you're thinking of this woman in your head as a 'charity project', is there any chance she might be feeling trapped in a situation where her self-respect is being undermined?

Idk. I mean I would hate to be in your situation and I feel for you - it's your home and you should be able to feel at home with your clan there. But trying to see things from her point of view might help make things easier to understand and then to deal with.

Yeouch! I hope you'll have a better maid or at least get to solve your anxiety problems.

I'm exactly the opposite, though that may be to my Indonesian maid literally raising me like a second mother since I was a baby.

Edited 2013-02-24 00:08 (UTC)

[ SECRET POST #2244 ]

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