fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2256 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2256 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Most Popular Girls In School]

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[Rust and Bone]

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[My Mad Fat Diary]

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[Sailor Moon]

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[Harvest Moon: A New Beginning]

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[American Horror Story Asylum]

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[Homestuck]

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[DC Comics]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #322.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Holy fucksticks, how the shit are her feelings towards someone else a betrayal of them? Unless he's evil! Is he evil and has he said, "OP's friend, your attraction to me is JUST AS PLANNED and NOW YOUR FRIENDS WILL NEVER... never... or they'll HAVE TO... or won't... something... WELL NOW THEY CAN'T ALL THE THINGS" and then your friend is like "I CONCUR" and then SAD LESBIANS EVERYWHERE I GUESS

And have they never questioned their sexualities or known anyone who has? Like what response did they have for "sexuality isn't black and white"? And... erghrawrrrrrr

I dunno, would a handy comic help explain some? (right-to-left)

Sorry, that's a frustrating situation, OP. Hopefully your other friends are able to see what it is they're saying or implying and back off (hugs) :(

sa

Also, as anon above points out, reasonably reiterating the points you've made above to the group of unreasonable friends is aces. Like a slow IV drip of CHECK YOURSELF

That's what I don't get. Her feelings for him have ZERO to do with them. Sure, she's their friend (at least they claim to be friends, although I'm starting to question that at this point) but they're not her, and who she dates really has no bearing on their lives.

They've all known they were gay since they were kids, and she thought she was too and is just now questioning things, so maybe it makes them feel insecure? Like "this happened to her and maybe it could happen to me, too, so maybe I'm not as sure about things as I thought I was" or something like that, I guess. Which to me is not a big deal since I've been questioning pretty much as long as I can remember, but I guess it might freak them out to feel like maybe there's some uncertainty there? (But of course I have no idea what's actually going through their heads so this is all just speculation on my part.)

As for the "sexuality is not black and white" thing, anytime that concept has been brought it up they just dismiss it, like it's something so ridiculous it's not even worth talking about.

The whole thing is just really frustrating me.

ayrt

Ahh, ok. I'm curious if you've ever brought up the self-questioning part to any one of them... I'm bi, too, but I have to admit that ime, the majority of people who have brought up "sexuality is not black and white" (which I do agree on) were thinking of that grayness in terms of being life phases (oh, lots of school girls get a little crush on female friends!) and were hoping I would "eventually choose", specifically heterosexuality. So I have a bit of a kneejerk reaction when it comes up and have to remind myself to listen to the context. No idea if that's what's happening with your friends.

And I think it's not a totally unheard-of experience to have this line of questioning happen in a group of gay friends. Happened to a friend of one of my siblings (but afaik they were more like "Wha? ...Huh. Ok."). And I apologize for my gratuitous comic examples, but the series Dykes to Watch Out For has a lesbian character who, after finding herself interested in a man, has to figure out how this fits in with her identity, with the attendant criticisms/acceptances/etc from others, eventually deciding on "bisexual lesbian" -- an arc about which the author writes was her "barely keep[ing] up" with different lesbian self-identities but which she saw and wanted to address.

...Forgot about it until now, but there's even a strip where two of that character's friends talk about the feeling of betrayal (can't find the strip online and don't have a way to get it online atm); one argues that she feels left in the lurch because the friend will get approval and support from everyone else in the world in the new relationship that they won't necessarily ever get themselves, and just how different her life will be. More speculation, I realize... I don't know if these are the sorts of things you want to ask any of the non-supportive friends about, to understand what's going on, or if these are even possibly in the ballpark.

Hang in there :(

Holy fucksticks, how the shit are her feelings towards someone else a betrayal of them? And have they never questioned their sexualities or known anyone who has? Like what response did they have for "sexuality isn't black and white"?

OP knows these people best, but maybe they're the kind of radfems who think that "if bisexual women had an ounce of sexual politics, they would stop sleeping with men."

Sauce (http://ontd-political.livejournal.com/9742438.html)

[ SECRET POST #2256 ]

Re: Best friend/bisexuality drama

Re: Best friend/bisexuality drama

Re: Best friend/bisexuality drama

Re: Best friend/bisexuality drama

Re: Best friend/bisexuality drama