fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2260 ]

[ SECRET POST #2260 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2260 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 080 secrets from Secret Submission Post #323.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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I share a lab group with a guy who I would say is very out of my league and back when we first met he mentioned having a girlfriend who he thought might be "the one".

This was about two months ago and since then he has attempted to open conversations about why I don't date, when I make it clear I don't want to discuss it he will say some combination of 1) I shouldn't be down on myself (I'm pretty, smart, etc., 2) there are 'good guys' out there -- mostly using himself as an example, 3) and when I find the 'right' person any of my "insecurities" won't matter. He seems like he's always trying to impress me instead and also talks a lot about his diet and exercise regime and basically tries to fish compliments out of me. A few times he asked me to go out dancing with him and then weakly invited the others listening in. At every opportunity I shut him down, sometimes even 'teasingly' saying dismissive and sarcastic things.

Mostly I thought that was just his personality but after last class he showed me a picture he drew of me during class and said I had inspired him to draw for the first time in years. To which I replied "Oh, that's very good. You're very talented... and not creepy at all!" then grinned and sort of re-shifted the focus back to our project. And lately he's been very cagey about his girlfriend. He doesn't mention her at all and on two occasions when I, and another member, said "Hey, don't you have a girlfriend?" his answer was a weird face and "Yeee-eeah."

But he's very outgoing and I don't really think I would be his type so I'm not sure if I'm just reading into it?

He kind of also touches me a lot, offers me his jacket, food, etc. Which he doesn't do for the other girls in the group that I've noticed.

Do you even need to ask.

Yes, he wants the v.

That's awkward. I was going to say it just sounds like he's trying to be friends, but then the part where he gets cagey about mentioning his girlfriend....yeah, that's strange.

Why do you say he's out of your league? It sounds like if not for that you wouldn't be questioning if he's flirting or not. Which definitely he is.

He's very out-going and social, likes expensive things, pays a lot of attention to his appearance and seems to be interested in women like that as well. His girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, social group, and women he talks about being interested in all wear a lot of makeup, always have their hair and nails done, and wear bright, fitted clothing and party a lot. I don't do any of those things. I wear sweatshirts, my hair in a ponytail, no makeup, and the only time I willingly talk about something other than our lab project it's nerdy things with two of the other guys in the group. I just don't get why he would be interested.

um. don't take this as an insult, but it might be that he figures you can be his bit on the side.

Well that puts a lovely twist on his "I'm such a good guy!" schtick then. :/

sa
if he didn't have a gf I'd say go for it but since he does have a gf it doesn't sound like he's really on the level...bit on the side is all I can really come up with that makes sense with all you've said, sorry

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:05 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:32 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:23 (UTC) - Expand

da

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:37 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

deenaa - 2013-03-12 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-12 01:33 (UTC) - Expand

I'll admit it also sounds a bit like he's wondering why you're not starry-eyed over him, being a female in his vicinity... It's the combo of his incredulity that you're not interested in talking about dating, assuming that it's "insecurities", his flirting (which he definitely is) which seems to rebound a lot to "how awesome am I, huh?", and his ignoring your shutting him down. Oh, and there's also people who seem to feel like it's their duty to "draw people out of their shell". But the drawing thing lands it closer to awkward flirting to me.

sa, add on to the last sentence: also the weird caginess about his girlfriend.

This actually makes so much sense to me, thank you. It does explain why he has no reaction to another casual, nerdy girl (who I think is prettier than me) in the group who really does try and get his attention.

I have little to no experience with flirting, but...it sounds like it. Everything you said seems to be pointing to yes.

:/ He sounds damn persistent. I hope he stops bothering you! You've made your feelings pretty clear imo, but he doesn't seem to get it.

OT: I am not liking where Assassin's Creed is going, but the really hot protagonists keep drawing me back in. Damn you, Edward, you golden Adonis!

GUESS YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME, ARRRRRRRRREN'T YOU?

~~I can't pirate talk.~~

He sounds like he's flirting with you, yes. I think it's possibly not a good sign that he continues to do so in spite of you repeatedly shutting him down.

I think he might just feel sorry for you and is trying to give you a little more confidence. Reading a little into what you said you do seem like you might come off as insecure or shy.

He's definitely flirting with you. Especially if he's asking you to go out dancing with him and touching you - I mean it can't really get more obvious?

It seems like that, yes. I have to say though...if he has a girlfriend, then it does really sound like he's trying to get you to be his spare. A 'good guy' would not date a woman and then get all touchy feely with another woman. And if he does it to her, and you two get together, he'll do it to you, too. That's if he ever broke it off with the original girlfriend before he got with you, of course.

I'd act a little bit colder to him, or try bringing up his girlfriend more. "Why don't you take your girlfriend dancing instead?" or "Does your girlfriend draw, too?" etcetc. Really drive home the point that you two are just friends, and that you know he has a girlfriend. (One he is mistreating like a piece of shit for going after other women. I feel really bad for her)

Thanks. I don't think I can get much colder towards him but your suggestion on bringing up his girlfriend more was my plan for going forward. I just wanted to be sure it wasn't just me because it would be pretty embarrassing if he was just being friendly and I came off as some vain self-centered twit who thinks everyone is flirting with her.

I'm also wondering if he's trying to give you more self-confidence or something.

This is a bit of a cool story, but at one point my BFF was feeling really down because she kept getting rejected by guys, and she posted a status about it on Facebook. My male friend saw it and started blatantly flirting with her. I sent him a message asking what was up, because I knew he had a serious crush on someone else, and he said he was just trying to be friendly and boost her self-esteem.

Of course I got really mad at him because... pretending to like someone to boost their self-esteem when you're not actually interested is a seriously douche thing to do, but he was mortified and felt terrible when I pointed this out. He was literally dense enough to think this was a good idea, and he said he didn't think she'd take his flirting seriously.

So ANYWAY I almost wonder if it's like that. I'm not saying it's the only possibility, but it seems kind of similar. The getting weird about his girlfriend isn't explained by that, though.

I don't blame you for being confused either way. Boys, in my experience, tend to fail at being clear about romantic interest.

I don't know. He seems to be going way past just flirting. Touching her/offering his coat/food, etc. And then being really dodgy about his SO. Sounds like a player to me.

Huh. I didn't think much about all that. Sharing food and touching seems like a normal thing for friends to do to me, so to me that seemed less blatantly flirty than the other things. As far as the offering his coat thing seems, it might just be my culture, but I know guys who do that to every girl they hang out with because they feel the need to play by gender roles in every relationship, romantic or otherwise. I read it that way in this case, but I guess I could be wrong.

OP said she didn't notice him doing it to other girls in the group.

Re: Is this guy flirting with me?

silverau - 2013-03-12 04:06 (UTC) - Expand

Next time he asks you dancing, I'd say "What's your deal? Why do you keep asking?" in a curious voice. It's not a question that presumes too much (no opportunity for embarrassment if you denies feelings), but it is one that puts him on the spot.

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