fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2264 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2264 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

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03.

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04.

[Criminal Minds, Dharma & Greg]

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05.

[Teen Wolf/Colton Haynes]

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06.

[Alex and Emma Watson]

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07.

[Anthony Bourdain and Guy Fieri]

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08.

[World of Warcraft]

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09.

[Kuroko no Basket]

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10.

[Les Miserables]

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11.

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12.

[Psycho Pass]

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13.

[Journey Into Mystery]

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14.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

15. [SPOILERS for Buffy]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

16. [SPOILERS for Spartacus]
[WARNING for rape]

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17. [WARNING for child abuse]
http://oi46.tinypic.com/25akho2.jpg
[Kuroshitsuji; linked for (obvious) child abuse, animated]

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18. [WARNING for incest]

[Revolution]

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19. [WARNING for rape/abuse]

[Assassin's Creed 3]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #323.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Matters.

It's the entire basis for language as a concept and tool jfc.

Was it your intent for this to be a reply to something or are you just venting?

Yes. That's not to say intent erases hurt, but when people keep piling on and piling on and piling on when they know what was meant (especially if an apology has been given for causing hurt with unintended meanings), my only ill feelings go for the dog-pilers not the person who had some unfortunate word choice.

Also, I hate when people assign motivation. You want to hate on me because you think my not liking Jon Stewart* is because I don't like Jews? Fuck you.

* I love Jon Stewart. That was just the first example that came to mind.

I was once actually accused of being antisemitic because in a conversation about the Daily Show I said I don't watch and when pressed I said I wasn't a Jon Stewart fan. The whole thing was worth it to point out to her that my very Jewish last name is because I'm Jewish.

Especially if the person is GENUINELY IGNORANT of the issue with whatever they said, my gosh are there ever a lot of morons out there who think that ignorance of a complicated subject is exactly the same thing as deliberately trying to be a jerk about it. My favorite is the "it's not my job to educate you, google it!!1" line, when it's painfully obvious the person doesn't have the first clue what they should even google, and would be unable to distinguish between good and bad information on the topic. I get that a person can get tired of explaining the same thing over and again, but if you have the chance to teach someone the truth about their misconceptions, you aren't gonna do anyone any favors by screaming at them to google something when you could really easily just copy-paste a link to a decent website if you didn't feel like talking about it yourself.

Agreeing with this so darn much!

Yeah, I once saw someone ask what 'cis' meant, and when yelled at to google they just said "Okay I just did, and all I'm getting is institutes and colleges, jackass."

...I'm boggling because it probably took them the same amount of time to type an angry "google it yourself" response as it would to give a quick definition o_O It's not that complicated to explain, geeze...

'Google is your friend' is becoming a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

It matters, but it's not magic.

Not intending to be offensive or hurtful does not magically make what you've done not offensive or hurtful, and if somebody is offended or hurt by what you did, own your fucking shit.

I'm willing to forgive people who genuinely did not intend to come off as offensive or hurtful and are sorry that they did, but the moment they tell me that I shouldn't be offended or hurt by what they've said because they didn't "intend" it to be offensive or hurtful, I'm done.

Are you one of those people who, when someone says "I'm sorry I didn't mean to be offensive", gets all pissy and throws a shitfit because they interpret it as "I don't care"? Because you sound like one of those.

No? Why would I get mad at somebody when that is a perfectly acceptable reaction (and one I've had myself when I said something I didn't know was offensive)? I mean, if somebody says, "Hey, what you said is offensive because of [reason]," what other acceptable reaction would you have besides, "Sorry, I didn't mean to come off that way," and rephrasing yourself or asking what a non-offensive term/phrase would be?

talk about knee-jerk man

sounds to me like OP knows all this and you are reacting to something that is really not there

You might be right, but I wasn't directing it at the OP, but rather others who think that, "intent matters" means something like, "If I didn't intend this to be offensive or hurtful, then it's not," and that's simply not true. Finding out somebody's intent is important in these situations because it gives you an idea of what you can do to help them correct what they've said, but their intent does not make their comments any less subject to correction. And I think that's an important fact people - not just the OP - need to keep in mind.

It says a lot though that you replied to OP with this sentiment that wasn't supposed to be directed at them...

I find that a lot of people who are that knee-jerk and angry about "intent is not magic!!!" are just kind of extreme about it. idk

I agree.

I wish more people would see this as a middle ground thing, honestly. The whole "intent is not magic" thing drives me nuts because it puts the ENTIRE onus of the conversation on the person speaking; I've also encountered the opposite attitude where intent is *everything* and if someone interprets something wrong well then it's all on them.

Communication takes two parties. Intent is definitely NOT everything and you should ALWAYS own up to your mistakes, but it DOES matter and if you can't see that a person who hurt you did not mean to do it and accept that it was an accident and just keep being all bitter and angry at them and never let it go then I think you're an asshole. And also a hypocrite.

Here, I thought this thing was about the "Death of the Author" issue which points out that we can't use a magic crystal ball into the psychology of authors in order to guide our analysis of a given work.

[ SECRET POST #2264 ]

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