fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2275 ]

[ SECRET POST #2275 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2275 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

18.

__________________________________________________

19.

__________________________________________________

20.

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 072 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ like 7 or 8 troll secrets. Stopped counting ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I heard someone say today that spouses should be expected to give each other their passwords to things like email accounts and Facebook, as a matter of trust. What are your opinions on this?

(Personally, I think it's BS. Even if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn't want my spouse seeing my stuff. Yes, couples should share important things with each other, but everyone has a right to keep day-to-day details private.)

Why not just let each couple decide on their own what they're ~expected~ to do?

I don't see a problem with doing it, but I don't think it should be REQUIRED. Everyone has their own dividing lines and being married doesn't mean you need to have your spouse know every little thing you do.

I can see how it could be helpful say if something happens to one of you- it'd be easier to retrieve certain information. But that's still up to the individuals in the couple.

I don't think it's expected. I know I will - my ex and I knew each other's passwords - and would be bothered if my spouse were blatantly against it, but I don't consider it a standard for every couple. It's more a matter of convenience to me - I don't think I ever once checked my ex's email or Facebook without her sitting lazily across the room asking me to do it for her.

That's a BS reason. You either have trust between you or you don't. Making a display of it for the sake of making the display is just stupid. And the person who demands that of their spouse has put the other person on the spot. They can either say yes even if they don't trust their spouse with it (I wouldn't trust anyone who demanded my password), or they can say no and cause a shitstorm of drama that way.

My husband and I have each other's passwords for many things because we've needed to share them for various reasons over the years. He even has my LJ password but I'd be horrified if he went back and read the last 12 years of entries. But because neither of us demanded passwords of the other and never knew them until we'd been married several years, we don't feel like granting the other access if needed is a problem. He isn't using my LJ to read my entries or those of my friends; he has it so he can notify my friends if something happens to me (which he's had to do twice).

(I wouldn't trust anyone who demanded my password)

This, exactly. My husband knows all my passwords (he creates them for me) and I trust him to never use them unless something bad happened to me and he had to. But if he had demanded I give them to him? I'd wonder if he was planning to invade my privacy, which would mean an immediate no.

And to answer a possible question, I don't have his passwords because I don't need them (he doesn't have nearly the online life I have) or they're work-related.

I think it really depends on the couple in question? I don't see anything wrong with it, but I think couples, even married ones, sometimes need their own spaces to themselves, so if they want their email (or whatever) to be private it should be private.

That being said people who want to keep stuff like that private shouldn't use that to badmouth their spouse behind their back (or worst stuff like cheating) IMO.

I've always found this completely ridiculous and unnecessary. It actually makes me feel kind of angry at it if I think too much about it.

I mean, even if you are the most trustworthy person in all the land, at the end of the day, your spouse is going to read messages how they want to. A simple "hehe" reply could get them raging over how that's flirting or something, I don't know.

The whole thing is just stupid to me.

total bullshit. Why would being a relationship mean the end of privacy?

not enough 'this' in the universe

I really don't like how the concept of 'privacy' is becoming more and more blurred (I also hear about employers wanting social media passwords, and there are people who think this is acceptable, wtf wtf wtf)

I'm curious in what sense you meant this. As in celebrities "private lives" or "what you do online will come back to haunt you" or "Big brother is recording your every move"?

I'm thinking the demand for social media passwords is a conspiracy to keep people with kinky sex lives out of the work force. Or at least weed out the ones who aren't properly paranoid about it.

Why on earth should I give my password to anyone? They are mine, heck if my significant other used my computer without asking (or telling me afterwards) I would be angry.

Not because I have anything to hide, but because I value privacy, and I would not go through anyone's personal stuff if I didn't have to (emergency, looking for something I need and so on), so if anyone did that to me I would be furious.

And it has nothing to do with trust, it has something to do with respecting my right to keep things private.

Expected? That sounds kinda weirdly possessive and invasive to me. Wouldn't it be more a matter of trust to respect privacy? That doesn't sound like trust to me tbh.

My sister and her fiance did make an email account they will both share though, so that it's easy to pass info along that might be relevant to them both. I don't think that's quite the same thing at all as what you're talking about ofc.

I think it depends. I have an email sitting in an account that has the passwords to *everything*, and my SO knows, so if something where to happen to me, he could access the bank and such online.

But - he doesn't know the password to my lj or my fb, and i don't know his for his fb or his phone. Mostly because neither of us care. I have zero interest in looking at his phone or what's on it.

If he *demanded* passwords, i'd say no, 'cause i don't like that, but recording some and putting them where we can both access them is smart (like i said, bank, c. card, that kind of thing).

Even if I love and trust you to death, I don't predict the future. If we breakup or something, I don't want them to have passwords to anything of mine. I'll show them shit if they ask, but giving someone carte blanche for my personal accounts? Nope, nope, nope.

(This is the same reason I didn't have a shared bank account or credit card with my ex-husband. Paid off in the end, trust me.)

Ahahahahahaha NO NEVER

Total bullshit.

The only case in which I'd give my SO my password would be if I were in danger of dying very, very soon and I needed someone to tell all my online friends when I'm gone.

But I wouldn't give out my passwords for something as stupid as a "display of trust." If your relationship requires displays of trust, then you probably shouldn't be in it at all.

Of course, that's just my stand. I think it's perfectly okay to exchange passwords if both parties are willing. It can be good as a means of communication if one of them is in an accident or something and family needs to be notified.

Expected? No. My partner and I do know each other's passwords, but really mostly as a matter of convenience. We still respect each other's privacy and don't go snooping around. Even so, I'd never advocate that a couple divulge that information to show trust. There are other ways to do that that don't involve leaving people feeling like they have no sense of privacy when they need it or want it.

If they want to, sure. If they don't want to, don't.

I've exchanged passwords with very close friends and family members before, but only if there was a practical reason for doing so. But the one time my ex-boyfriend INSISTED I give him my password for no practical reason, but just because he didn't like the idea that I had any secrets from him, it and just made him seem like a clingy creep... which he was.:/

When you're actually MARRIED it's a bit different, but I'm still bothered by the insistence that all married couples MUST share their passwords with their spouses. There's nothing wrong with wanting privacy.

Yeah, no. That is...kinda weird to me. I don't really have anything to hide from him, but...I dunno. It feels...invasive? Like those things are part of your own identity to a degree, so it's really blurring a line to let anyone else at all have access. I'd never ask for his either.

I personally value privacy a lot, so I'd be hesitant; I mean, I'd trust my spouse to not mess up any of my internet life (mostly blogging and stuff), but on the other hand shouldn't we trust each other to not mess up stuff?

I like space to myself, so I wouldn't really want this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2275 ]

Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Fuck no.

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?

Re: Spouses exchanging passwords?