fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2285 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2285 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[NCIS]

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04.

[Kirk Cameron]

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05.

[Lindsay Lohan, Sean Penn, Sean Bean]

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[MCU/Marvel movies - NOT the comics]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

10. [SPOILERS for Spartacus War of the Damned]

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11. [SPOILERS for Dangan Ronpa]

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12. [SPOILERS for The Walking Dead]

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13. [SPOILERS for House MD]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

14. [WARNING for rape]

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15. [WARNING for abuse]

[the beatles]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #326.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think we're just fundamentally incompatible because of the differences in the ways we resolve our problems.

I had a friendship like this once, too. Going to her for advice was kind of horrible, because we just looked at things so differently that any solutions she offered didn't work for me, and then I'd feel bad that I couldn't do it and it made me not like myself even more and feel even more jealous of her for her practicality and sensibility and all those things I admired about her. And still do admire her for, I guess.

I didn't even have the bravery to say 'I need to take a break from you' to her, even though I really did because she had seriously hurt me a few times and hadn't apologised adequately or at all.

It all ended with me messing up (oversleeping on a day we were supposed to go out) and her coming over to my house and shouting at my mother for the crime of telling her that sometimes bad things happen and we have to deal with them when they do.

To be honest, that's the only thing that still bothers me - that she shouted at my mother instead of me, and was so rude when normally, all she ever talked about was how people needed to be good-mannered and so on.

How did I heal? I guess partly by going through it all in my head, looking at the mistakes we both made, and coming to the conclusion, like you have, that we were just incompatible as friends and that at least I am not in that bad relationship anymore, even if I do miss the good times we had and regret that things couldn't have been more amicable. By finding other people to have more awesome friendships with. By having fun.

By getting on with things. That's really all you can do.

Good luck, anon. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. :)

Ah, I guess it's different for rl friends, too. I should have mentioned that we're--we were--only online friends who'd met once. I don't know if being in physical proximity to her would have made it easier or harder to work this out.

I'm sorry yours had to end so dramatically, especially in a way that dragged your mother into it too. That's really not fair at all.

For us it has a lot to do with something I saw in another recent f!s thread--she's a venter and I'm a fixer. So whenever she tries to tell me her problems, I try to offer solutions, but then she shoots them down and leaves to work on her problems alone and I'm left with all her heavy issues festering inside me and it's infuriating. It sounds stupid and selfish when I write it out like that--she asked me herself "so you blame me for making you feel bad?"--but I just can't handle it. She said she'd stop venting but I don't think she can change that and I don't think she should have to just because I can't deal with it.

She said she would welcome me back with open arms if I chose it, and I think that's the part that hurts most of all. I want to go back. Instead I'm slowly cutting off the ties I have with her, and eventually there'll be nothing left.

I'm sorry for rambling. Thank you. :c

I suppose it probably might be a bit different, yeah, though I don't know about harder vs easier. I'd guess it varies depending on the friendship.

Thanks. It still could have been a lot worse, and my mother dealt with it, but... idk. I just wish she hadn't done that, when it should have been me she confronted about my mistake.

Ahh, I see - that must be really difficult. I generally don't mind people venting to me, but the negativity builds up, doesn't it? :( I don't think you're stupid and selfish for not being able to handle that. From what I understand you're infuriated because you can't help a friend, and also that she keeps on venting, which is, as far as I know, a perfectly natural response.

Oh, damn. :/ Yeah, I can see how that would hurt a lot, because you're in control of how it goes.

But still... you probably are doing the right thing.

It's fine (I've rambled too... oops). I don't mind at all. I just hope things turn out alright, anon. :)

Best of luck!

[ SECRET POST #2285 ]

Re: how do I get over myself

SA

Re: SA