fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2300 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2300 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 093 secrets from Secret Submission Post #329.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm just going to share these gems with you all:

"I've had enough. I'm leaving," Harry said, his voice shaking with rage. He backed to the window and peered down at the water below. Taking one last look at the now shocked Dumbledore, he jumped.

The rest seemed to pass in slow motion. Harry could hear Dumbledore shouting after him. He could see Ron and Hermione, standing at the lake front, staring open mouthed up at his falling body. The rest of the student body pointed up at him waiting for his body to plunge into the eternal darkness of the water. But Harry's body skimmed the surface of the lake and then, in a true blaze of glory, he transformed into a magnificent phoenix. And some say, as he soared into the sun set, that he yelled "IT'S MY LIFE" before he retreated into the clouds to never return.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1837471/1/

Myrtle put her lips on his lips and they made love because they were soul mates. Tom never felt more complete in his life. Myrtle slammed him into the bathrroom floor and made hard love to him until they were interrputed.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” Dumbledoore asked serenely.

“FUCK YOU!” Myrtle replied in protest, flipping him off because he didn’t understand true love (AN: cuz he was a prep).

“I WAS NEVER LOVED AS A CHILD!” Tom bellowed in tears while Myrtle was still on top of him.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4177312/1/My_Chemical_Romance

"Jesus! Behind you!" Ron yelled, painfully aware of his and his compatriots' complete and utter impotence in this situation.

Jesus swiveled swiftly, and in the blink of an eye broke off two of the desk's legs. Rolling under one of the vampire's legs, he leaped to his feet, and staked them both in the heart, through their backs. They turned to dust, and he turned to face the last couple of vampires. The vampires, however, had fled, obviously no match for the Son of God's inexplicably amazing martial arts skills.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1860921/1/

There's more wonderful badfics out there but those have to be my top three.

OMG:

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” Dumbledoore asked serenely.

SERENELY???

But isn't My Chemical Romance supposed to be the worst of the worst? As in - someone tried to make it as horrible as possible? Or do I have it confused with another "masterpiece."

I hope I live a life long and varied enough to learn how to shout WHAT THE FUCK serenely.

tell us when you've finally accomplished it. XD

"Wow! You're really fucking hot, Ginny," Tom laughed in angst. They then had sex because book two prevented it. Hermione then appratated and had a threesome with them.

"Tom, how could you!?" Myrtle sobbed, running down to the chamber of secretion.

Intentionally written bad or not, I lost my shit right there and cackled really loudly.

You're probably thinking of "My Immortal" though the world seems to still be split on whether it was actually a troll fic or not. But if I recall the "My Chemical Romance" is either allegedly by a friend of the girl who wrote My Immortal, or it was deliberately continuing in the spirit of My Immortal.

Oh god Jesus and Harry Potter lol. One of the worst but most hilarious fanfics I can recall reading was a Inuyasha/Iron Man cross over. Unfortunately I can't find the link for it anymore but Iron Man basically showed up in the Inuyasha storyline, saves Inuyasha and Kagome from god knows what, then just flies off after being all like "Alright kids take care of yourselves! Don't forget to look both ways when crossing the road!" or something. It was so horrible it was great.

From Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen (yes, the title is actually spelled like that):

"OMG, my sweet lady!" he cried. "What has this frightful asshole been doing to thee?"

from 'Love Beyond Circuits, Love Beyond Flesh'

R2 was shaking and freightened. Optimus anal cavity was dark and moist, had some loose wires and was rusting from inside. He started to think sex was not made to coward robots like him.

"Don't be afraid" said Optimus to R2 "I'll help you!" and Optimus bowels lights got on. Everything wwas iluminated and R2 really saw what it really was. A beautifully adorned rectum, full of portraits of Prime's human friends that already visited the place. A camera apppeared from a wall and photographed R2-D2, and immediatelly put a portrait of him on a the bowel wall.

R2-D2 got very placid and calm. After he saw those happy faces on the portraits, he knew Optimus would never hurt him inside there. So, R2 looked around and found a button. It was an elevator button, that raised him up in the bowels. R2 arrived at a tight place, where his metal body got stucked. At first R2 got scaried, but them, the elevator got down, and got up, and down, and up, making a sine wave pattern movement with R2-D2. R2 thought a bit, and felt a pleasure down his electrical circuits and optical cables. Anal sex is like this? If it is, he really like a lot! He was upping and downowing, rubbing inside Optimus upper bowel. Paraffin wax got sprayed over R2 to help lubricate.

Optimus bowel's walls were made of carbon nanotubes covered with soft pinky pillows of pure petunia's cotton. They ajusted on the fly the pressure over R2 body and the elevator speed, acording to R2-D2 willingness to go deeper with his innermost sexual fantasies. At first R2 wanted togo slow, to fell the texture on his metal cover. But latter, his inhibition got away, and the elevator got faster, and Optimus got a surprise for him. Neon gas tubes apeared on the walls, and a range of different colors illuminate inside Optimus's ass with all colors of the spectrum.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5714348/1/Love-Beyond-Circuits-Love-Beyond-Flesh

Disneyland!

\o/

i am so horrified but i can't stop laughing, the intertubes are FUCKED UP YO

I'm actually laughing so hard it hurts. Thank/damn you!

Also, didn't they mean "all the colours of the rectum" in that last line? :P

From Legolas by Laura:

Legolas got up and went into Laura's room and said"good moring"and then Laura said "good moring too".Then Legolas said"whats a matter"and then Laura said"Legolas I want to know how to ride a horse".Then Legolas said"Ok"and then Legolas said"first you get dresses and have something to eat and then we will go for a horse ride lesson".Mean while Strider and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived and then Strider said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister"and then Gandalf said"I did not know aswell".Mean While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas.Then the boss of the Orcs came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".

Mean while Legolas and Laura was horseriding and then Laura said"Legolas whos that"and then Legolas looked and it was Gandalf and Strider.Legolas said"that is Gandalf and Strdier"and then Strider said"Legolas"and then Legolas said"Strider long time seen" and then Strider said"hows you"and then Legolas said"I am fine"and then Gandalf said"whos this then"and then Legolas said"meet Laura I found her in the woods when she was just a baby".Laura was shy at first and then Legolas said"Laura come and meet Strider and Gandalf"and then Laura said"hello I am Laura".Legolas said"she is the princess"and then Strider said"she is so cute"and then Legolas said"that will be my falut"and then Gandalf said"why"and then Laura said"he protects me thats why"and then Legolas looked up and said"I think we should go back to the castle"and then Laura said"I can feel it too".

[ SECRET POST #2300 ]

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