Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-04-23 07:07 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-04-23 07:07 pm
[ SECRET POST #2303 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2303 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #329.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: My little brother...
When you meddle in these situations, are you actually helping, or are you just staving off the next tantrum/parental shoutfest?
When you meddle, are you helping your brother by letting him avoid punishment for his bad actions, or are you further enabling them?
When you meddle, are you helping your parents notice that his behaviour might be consistently problematic, or are you letting them dodge their responsibility to tending their child by taking that on yourself?
When you meddle, are you stressed, upset, and unhappy?
Here's the thing. This is NOT YOUR JOB. You are his sister, and you love and care for him, but you are not RESPONSIBLE for him.
Speaking from a LOT of experience, at your age and in your position, there is NOTHING you can do that will make this stuff better. This sort of thing needs time. Time for your brother to grow up and get his head on straight, or otherwise time for your parents to see that he does need help because the behaviour is continuing/worsening.
In the end, this tense situation is going to continue regardless of whether or not you meddle. The only thing that changes when you bow out is that you will feel infinitely less stressed and unhappy not having to deal with it every day. Start practising disengagement. Walk away when your brother chucks a fit - don't enable his tantrums with an audience. Walk away when your parents complain about him - you're only seventeen and it's not your job to listen or lecture. Go find a quiet place and play some music and let them scream and scream like they will if you're there anyway.
It's not easy, I know that. You want to be the good older sister and you want to help, but right now you need to take a big step back. Be supportive when your brother behaves well and DON'T be a punching bag when he acts up. Same for your parents. Take a deep breath, let their problems go, and look forward to college. You can't fix their problems, but you can certainly stop making them YOURS.
Re: My little brother...
(Anonymous) 2013-04-24 02:50 am (UTC)(link)...all this talk about not "enabling" his "bad behavior" makes me sad, because a lot of what he's doing sounds more to me like a kid who is very overwhelmed and can't figure out how to communicate it except through actions.
people ignored me when i freaked out when i was younger, when i cried and hurt myself because i was just so panicked and unhappy all the time - and so i didn't get any help. all i learned is that when i am overwhelmed and freaking out and upset i should never bother anyone and instead should just go hurt myself in private.
...probably i'm projecting too much, but. i think if someone seems so upset all the time, there's probably something that's stressing them out or something. idk...
Re: My little brother...
I specifically said that OP, as a seventeen year old child herself, needs to stop acting as the buffer between her brother and her parents. It isn't her job to engage him when he is screaming and throwing things because he doesn't want to eat his vegetables (example up thread if I'm not mistaken). Doing so causes her a large amount of stress and solves absolutely nothing.
If her brother has problems, then I hope he gets the help he needs, but expecting a seventeen year old to provide that kind of help is completely unfair. OP shouldn't expect that of herself, and neither should her parents. Asking someone who shouldn't be handling his discipline/mental health to disengage when he gets out of control =/= ignoring him. It just means that she takes a step back and lets the people who SHOULD be engaging him (the parents) do their jobs.