fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2328 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2328 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 098 secrets from Secret Submission Post #333.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I do not know the first thing about true social anxiety and your problems feel way out of my armchair-analyst league.
But, just, for pity's sake.
Women aren't some whole other glamourous, mysterious, and potentially man-eating species. They're the other half of the human race, and just as likely to be insecure and fucked-up and self-doubting and a mess. Stoppit with the pedestal-placing that makes them look like they're looking down at you, it's dizzying up there. I'm extrapolating, but - stop staring and pining after the gorgeous giggling socialites and prom queens and/or mentally loading every opportunity at conversation with someone female-identifying as HOMG THIS IS IT THIS COULD LEAD TO A RELATIONSHIP because i get that could be cripplingly anxiety-inducing. Stoppit with the "ladies" chivalry because that vibes as a sexist alienator. Your cardboard cut-out is the sort of slim, pretty girl that causes self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy in girls considered not that cute, can you grok that? Try and interact with another flawed and nervous human being who happens to be female.

Jesus. Way to project your own issues onto somebody in pain reaching out for help, anon. Why not just get right to the point and hit OP with a fucking bat while you're at it?

I saw lots of support in previous messages, and no one pointing out what seemed an obvious and *actually intended as helpful* other side to the story.

I was with you for the first 2/3 of what you said, tbh, but I don't see how the last few sentences are meant to do anything but make OP feel bad for being attracted to a slim, pretty girl. How girls like that make *other* girls feel isn't really something OP should be called on the carpet for, IMO.

Fair enough; on re-read, I get that I come off callous, and OP if you read this, apologies. Intent is not magical. I had this notion that with lowered expectations as to what OP expects from interaction with a "lady" - such as starting with a casual platonic friendship that makes for more familiarity with, and less idealization of, the female gender - and also as to the "social status"/pecking order of date-ability of the girls approached (while admitting the whole "out of my league" thing is very high school and a not-good mindset), things might get easier. That was the theory, but there's no arguing with whom one is attracted to, and I get that it comes off as another load on OP's back.

yeah, except you know what? the last part of what you said is bullshit because there are plenty of girls who ARE in fact slim and pretty irl.

it's not their fault that you have self-loathing and inadequacy issues. agreed with the above anon, you're totally projecting your own issues here. op can be attracted to whoever the hell they want. you're not entitled to their attention, or anyone else's.

My talk of female body issues was largely theoretical, in this case, for all anyone cares. I'm just saying, and I know someone upthread mentioned Nice Guy syndrome, that with all my sympathies for the depth/pain of OP's sense of alienation, I got a funny vibe from "ladies" and his(?) choice of fantasy girlfriend. Of course OP is entitled to find whoever the hell they want attractive. Maybe I'm operating under too high-school a mindset, but my misgiving was about the slim, pretty girls USUALLY being the popular and outgoing and socially-smooth ones (though naturally there's an entire spectrum of different strokes for different folks and real life is not Mean Girls...), and therefore not the easiest for OP to interact with.

[ SECRET POST #2328 ]

The female of the species...

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