fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2330 ]

[ SECRET POST #2330 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2330 ⌋

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Branching off the above topic (suicide posts on tumblr), I have this one "friend" who cuts herself and constantly shows off her scars. I used to self-harm (though I never cut) and just can't grasp why some people are so quick to say "I cut myself; wanna see?". Especially to people they haven't known for long.

I've met a lot of people who do this, both IRL and online, and I tend to instantly lose sympathy for them. I don't want to say that they only do it for attention because I know it takes a lot to inflict that kind of damage upon yourself, but... I don't know. It just doesn't sit right with me.

I guess I'm just wondering if I'm mean for being somewhat disgusted by people who do this. Is there a perspective to this I'm just not getting?

a cry for help?

Basically this. I think it's their way of reaching out, trying to get help but not knowing how.

If someone is that ready to show someone they don't know that well, I think it's just a way of getting attention. Not necessarily the actual cutting, but the manner of showing.

she has issues (not so much for the cutting, as for the desperate cries for attention)

might she have BPD or something similar?

although, how old is she? being young and not yet measuring well cause and effect, action and consequence etc. doesn't help with all those turbulent "my brain is playing MY FIRST CHEMICAL SET on my body" emotions and changes from adolescence

It can be BOTH a legitimate problem (the cutting) and wanting the attention (the random showing). The two behaviors are not mutually exclusive. People with totally legitimate issues can still be shallow and attention-seeking, and being shallow and attention-seeking doesn't mean your issues somehow magically stop being legitimate just because you're choosing to be a jackass about them.

Oh man this is the perfect description of me during my cutting years.

Seriously troubled and simultaneously a huge attention-whore.

(reply from suspended user)

Um, I resent your comment A LOT. I used to cut when I was young and it was not for the reasons you mentioned. I hated myself so much that whenever I'd feel overly anxious I'd slap/hit myself, and things escalated until one day I just grabbed a knife and cut. And it was painful and it was euphoric and I couldn't stop. I never told anyone about it until I started seeing a counselor during my second year of college.

So please refrain from commenting on things you obviously have no clue about. Sure, SOME young people probably do cut for the reasons you mentioned, but to say that all of them, or even most of them do is absolutely ridiculous.

pretty sure stella meant (going by the context of this thread) cutting and then showing your cuts like in the op

DA.

That's not the impression I got at all.

(reply from suspended user)

Yeah I found it a pretty offensive attitude and comment but sadly that's how a lot of people view self injury in young people.

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Cutting yourself.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-21 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Cutting yourself.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-21 04:08 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Cutting yourself.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-21 09:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Cutting yourself.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-21 04:11 (UTC) - Expand

Yes I am sure the person who works with troubled kids knows nothing about kids.

Also, IT'S NOT JUST A PHASE DAD

Edited 2013-05-21 01:53 (UTC)

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Cutting yourself.

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-21 02:52 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

young people do it because they want someone to say "oh my gosh honey are you okay I can see that your problems are very legitimate and I will take them seriously

See, something I've always wondered is, though some people would probably do it either way, if it would be such a thing if it wasn't surrounded by this aura of "this is what all the real fucked-up people do."

On the flip side of this, I've had some pretty gnarly mood/anxiety issues (which are all but in remission now, yay bupropion), but I was always kind of convinced that I wasn't that bad because I didn't happen to do a particular thing that is seen as the end-all be-all of unhealthy behavior. It's only in retrospect that I've realized that, yeah, I was kind of shithouse crazy from age 22-24. I just didn't externalize it in stereotypical ways, which let me live in a sort of state of denial.

(reply from suspended user)

Re: Cutting yourself.

starphotographs - 2013-05-21 02:33 (UTC) - Expand

I am genuinely worried about the kids you work with, I gotta say, if you are this uncaring about their problems. Maybe you should look for a new job.

(reply from suspended user)

I cut now and then when I can't help it. while I don't mind talking about it with close friends for support, I always hide my scars (I keep it to my upper thigh) because I personally consider my habit embarrassing. on the other hand, this girl at my school was almost showing them off--we have uniforms and girls can wear the skirt or khaki pants. this girl in particular wore the skirt every day without tights, and her ankles/calves were covered in cuts. I couldn't help assuming she was looking for attention by doing that. (she transferred out after one year so I never got to know her well.)

but I obviously can't say whether her depression/her habit was less legitimate than mine.

Damn I wish I could remember what the title of this one book I read that went into detail about this exact thing was. It was a book focused on cutting and it took a really great approach and dealt with the different reasons, motivations, and ways of dealing with it. One of the sections was on the difference between those who will show their scars and those who won't (essentially three categories: those who will show when asked by concerned others, those who "show off" their wounds, and those who will not show no matter what but will talk about the act). It was really interesting and I wish I could remember what exactly it said about the different attitudes and what the book was called!

/nothelpful

I have to say, it's not necessarily bad to want attention. I never cut, but when I was in middle school I would hit myself in front of others. And partly it was for attention - it was basically me saying, "I need help, pay attention, I'm distressed and everything feels terrible and no one notices, so maybe you'll notice this!" (And when I realized everyone ignored even that, and indeed just scorned me for it, I started only hurting myself in private, and eventually had a major breakdown because I never got any fucking help.)

No, it is not a healthy way of getting attention. But sometimes you need attention, and younger people especially might have a hard time finding another way of communicating that they need help.

Also, I feel like there's this catch-22 where if you show any visible signs of mental illness, or talk about it openly, you're deemed an attention-seeking faker - as if the only legitimate way to be mentally ill is to hide it from everyone in shame, which of course means everyone thinks you're not mentally ill (because you're hiding it). And I feel like the sort of attitude you have plays into that...

Thank you for summing my thoughts up! I've been trying for hours to come up with an answer to this whole thread for hours now and you've just summed up everything.

+1

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