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F!S Anon Meme (the ??th)

Secrets, rants, opinions, anything you want to say about your fandom or a fandom or fandom in general, do it here! Anonymously, of course. Get it all off your chest.

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That's about it, though!

(Today's post is below.)

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I have a super awkward crush on a friend. We met at work and found out pretty quickly we shared 101 fannish interests. We're good friends now and have even formed a film club, going to see all the latest geeky comic book releases with a group of other friends. Sometimes we just hit the town and go drinking together. On one of these nights I realised I was looking at him thinking "Jesus god boy, I could just climb you like a fucking tree". I'm even dreaming of him.

The kicker? I'm married, and completely in love with my husband. He's amazing and I would do anything for him. I feel so creepy and guilty and awful for having this crush outside our marriage, but I just can't help it.

So talk to me and make me feel better. F!S. What awkward crushes have you had, and how to you get over them?

I had a huuuuuge crush on my thesis advisor (who also happened to be about twice my age). I had to meet with him one-on-one every week for a year, and I'm pretty sure I spent at least 60% of that time blushing madly. If he noticed (and he probably did, because it was pretty obvious), he was nice enough never to say anything about it.

And... I didn't get over it. In fact, I just saw him this past weekend, and had to restrain myself (only moderately successfully) from hanging around awkwardly in his vicinity while he was trying to talk to other people. >>;

omg university tutors are the worst. I think because you already have a common interest - whatever subject you're studying - the connection's going to be there no matter what you do.

Hope you work it out anon. <3

Aha, well, I graduated (and live in a different area now), so I won't be seeing much of him anymore. So the crush will probably just fade with time.

Won't stop me from thinking he was basically my perfect man, though. *wistful sigh*

I've sort of had this weird crush on a very good friend for years. Part of it may be that we cosplay together and it seems like every time, either I've picked a character and she picks a character that we ship with mine, or she's picked a character and looking at our group it just seems like I'm the best fit for the character we ship with hers. So I can't help thinking, you know, maybe it's mutual, and so it keeps dragging on.

She and I are both seriously involved with other people, though, so it's not like I ever thought it could go anywhere. Except for the part where both she and my partner (and maybe hers? Not sure) are, er, open to open relationships. I never thought I was. But I'm mostly over it these days, and I don't know exactly how or why... just kinda dwindled away.

Yay, awkward crushes! I'm good at those! XD

I think the most awkward one is the crush I have on my uncle's wife. I know nothing's going to happen and I'd never let anything happen, but it's there.

My past crushes on French teachers and university tutors become much less awkward in comparison....

When I was a kid I crushed really hard on this guy, who I called "vampire". I pretended I hated him, but it was so damn obvious. (He was also the first person I ever kissed, sorta. It was on the cheek) Anyway, I sorta-kinda felt the same after I moved. A few years ago I found him on a website and learned that not only had he become an emo/gothy pothead, but he also knocked up a teenage girl. Like, not-18-teenage girl.

Luckily that killed my awkward crush REALLY fast.

Several college professors. Usually I just had to wait until the semester was over and I no longer had class with them. I did notice one of my history professors got President syndrome and super-aged in between me having him sophomore year and seeing him in the halls my senior year. And I'm not saying it was just a perception on my end, he physically looked more tired and haggard; he was also going through PhD dissertations/defenses/other shenanigans which was probably part of it.

And then there was this one guy. We were good friends, shared both classes and fandoms. Like the professors were just little crushes. This boy's been my one time full on major crush. Almost nothing about him annoyed me, even though there were several things that definitely would've if it'd been someone else. I pulled the "super tired on a trip let me oh so casually nod off and use your shoulder for a pillow" move; it was fantastic.

The only problem is that he had a girlfriend. A sweet, perfect, beautiful girlfriend that lived in Canada. A long distance relationship that they'd been keeping strong for years. They didn't have a single huge fight or temp breakup in the four years I knew him. So I let the shoulder thing be the farthest I ever got with him. Luckily - or unluckily - he stopped taking the elective class(es) we were in and, with me not actively pursuing the connection, we gradually stopped seeing each other.

I'm split because I would've have loved to have been closer to him for longer, but it wouldn't have been fair to me, him, or his girlfriend. So ultimately I don't regret the decisions I made.

OP here - Wow that is so difficult. I really appreciate your honesty and you sound like such a genuine person, also you write very well!

I think you did the right thing, and I'm glad you managed to have that shoulder moment and then be self-aware enough to leave it at that and not let yourself go further. That must have been quite difficult to do, but that choice makes it crystal clear that you are highly respectful of both him as a friend, and his relationship with his girlfriend.

You post has kind of inspired me to do the right thing in my situation - to enjoy our friendship as just that, a friendship, and not to keep dwelling on how good a couple we might be if circumstances were different. That way lies madness! Thanks anon, you sound like an awesome person <3

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