fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2339 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2339 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #334.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...people think this is a good way to break off with people? I've had a few male "friends" do this to women they were seeing, and it's actually happened to me once before. Basically, what they do is when they lose interest is they act as insulting and as cruel as possible, until the other party dumps them. The idea is that it will make the break up "easier", because it will give the other person power (Or something? IDEK)

I've tried explaining to people who were thinking of doing that, that it was the exact opposite and that it would be easier (And more KIND) to explain to their girlfriend/boyfriend that they were no longer interested in a relationship. But the argument is always. "No, it will hurt her! This way she'll hate me, and it'll be easier for her!" And then there's nothing I can say to explain to them that obliterating a person's self-esteem is not helpful nor does it make a breakup easier. I know it made me feel worthless for a long time.

/shrug

Because our society threw out the manual on How to Relationship, and now everybody's winging it in the worst way possible.

lol

I think it'd be more common sense not to emotionally abuse the person you're dating until they break up with you. Though I guess what happened to me wasn't awful-awful, just a huge self-esteem blow. (He asked me to give him a blowjob once, and then when he climaxed he started groaning/going "ow". I asked him what was wrong, in case I'd hurt him and he told me he had hurt himself forcing one out to me. And just things like I was ugly, he'd act disgusted if I made a flirty joke and scream at me, told me eventually he didn't mean to hurt me, he just wanted to date a beautiful flower, which I was no where near, etc)

(reply from suspended user)

Well, I was young and naïve I suppose. I'm ashamed to admit it took me longer than it should have to not see what he said as truth.

Because deep down they don't want to make it "easier" for their partner. They want to make it easier for themselves.

At least that's my experience.

This was my first thought, too.

(Being terrified of confronting people as I am, I've sometimes felt the impulse to reject people like that. But I never considered it for more than a second because I have a heart and common sense.)

Shitty dumping isn't always about making it easier on themselves [or the other person, honestly] - I had an ex that seriously made me worry about my physical safety - so I dumped them in a way that wasn't exactly fantastic...but it wasn't because I lacked a heart or common sense.

That's not what this is, though. This is when people lose interest and then act like pricks until the other person dumps them. So, in other words, the person you dumped would have been then one acting like an ass, not you.

That's... kind of entirely different than what I was talking about. Of course if you were worried about your safety, dump them however you want. I'm talking about cases where the other person hasn't done anything terribly wrong.

because they are afraid of confrontation and the fallout

They don't want to be the bad guy, and in their minds, they're less of the bad guy in the situation they construct than if they just broke things off with them. Because if they just broke up with them, they are ending something that their partner wanted - taking something away from them - whereas in the other scenario, something is ending that neither person wants anymore, so nothing is lost and they haven't done anything wrong.

I think that's the emotional logic anyway. Obviously it's loopy and discounts the fact that the process involves doing something wrong, but that's the thought process.

Because they're fucking cowards. "It'll be easier for my boy/girlfriend!" is just a lame excuse because acting like a major asshole is easier than sitting down and having a potentially uncomfortable talk with someone. It shows they're not mature enough to be in a relationship, period.

[ SECRET POST #2339 ]

Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...

Re: Why do...