fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2355 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2355 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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03. [repeat]

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[dangan ronpa]

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[Star Trek: Into Darkness]

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(Les Miserables, The House of Spirits)

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(The Scarlet Pimpernel)

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[Coupling]

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[Norma Bates from Bates Motel]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

31. [SPOILERS for Naruto]

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32. [SPOILERS for Defiance, Episode 7]

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33. [SPOILERS for Game of Thrones]

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34. [repeat]

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35. [SPOILERS for OFF]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

36. [WARNING for rape]

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37. [WARNING for sexual abuse]

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38. [WARNING for rape]

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39. [WARNING for self harm, suicide]

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40. [WARNING for suicide]

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41. [WARNING for RL shootings, death]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

24. http://i.imgur.com/Uw6DVAb.jpg

What happened already happened OP. Might as well not let it dampen your enjoyment of it. (I'm guessing Firefly/Serenity). Don't set out to hurt others either, but I wouldn't hold back anything for a friendship that no longer exists.

Just curious, but why do you think it's Firefly/Serenity?

Show and Film.

oops ha I see why you'd think that, but it was actually a TV show and a different film. we met in the show's circles and then both bonded over loving the same obscure movie that shared an actor with the series.

but in any event,thank you for your advice

Aaw OP

Just let them have the space I guess. They may be slower than you at moving on emotionally when they associate a specific fandom with you. Clearly this has both hit you kind of hard. It's been several years and only now could I consider rewatching a show I associate with a friend I fell out with (although mostly my fault really, curse my anxiety. But it's taken years to not remember all the pain and sad when viewing it).
So they may go away from the fandom permanently, or just a little while and slowly move back in. You may or may not be the reason, but you don't need to blame yourself for it.

Suggestion, if you do want to post the fic: Maybe instead of saying it's for them, just post it. If you must explain why you're suddenly posting a fic for that fandom, say it's in memory of a friendship that went different ways (as some friendships do as we all grow up and stumble awkwardly through life. Sometimes it just happens). If drama happens, just politely ignore it (and post a secret here so I can give you a digital hug).

*hugs* anyway.

thank you. this is a really nice thing to say and I appreciate it a lot. part of the reason I considered posting the fic is because the only place to find it now is a pw protected tumblr we shared so I thought maybe they'd like to be able to read it if they wanted without having to go that deep into what used to be and all that. but then I don't even know if they'd want to reread it. I'm scared if I post it without mentioning them at all that they'll feel like I was lying when I said I wrote it just for them or that I'm like... giving it away without their permission. it's a good story that I think other people would like and I'd be interested in other people's feedback on it, but not at the expense of someone I already hurt so much. :

OP, you need to accept something here.

The friendship is over. This sucks a lot, I know, but it's already happened. You will do yourself a HUGE favour in the long run if you accept this instead of hoping and pinning for the good ol' days. Reading this person's journals (especially if they are publicly whinging about the friendship breaking down, which is SO classy) and stressing over their choice to leave fandom is unhealthy and clingy and it doesn't help you.

Don't post the fic if you're only doing it to get their attention, either. You are not responsible for how this person feels about fandom now, and it's not on you to make them feel better. They might never get back into this fandom, or they might get over it in a week and jump back in happily. It's not up to you - it's not something you CAN fix.

It's time for you to think about yourself. Block this person, and STOP going to their journal/tumblr. Tell your mutual friends you don't want to hear about them for a while because you're making a clean break. Go do something fun with other friends. Give yourself time to heal and move on.

it's been almost a year since all this went down so I don't think they're coming back. they didn't make a post that was embittered or anything - someone just said 'oh hey you're all into __ now, what about __' and they just answered that they couldn't stand those things now because the thought of them turned their stomach. that's what made me feel the most guilty. I mean... I already feel guilty but I don't want to ruin the good things they have because lately they haven't had many in their life.

but intellectually I agree that all of this is excellent advice. I'm the kind of person who needs to hear it from someone else before I can really take it to heart though, so posting this has actually been really instructive and helpful to me. I'm really grateful for the responses I've received.

If you're the one that drove them away from the fandom, then so be it. Shit happens, and sometimes you just have to let things go.

I would not publish the story as an attention seeking measure. If you want to publish it as just a contribution to the fandom, fine. But don't use it as a way to draw attention to yourself from the person that obviously doesn't want anything to do with you anymore.

I don't want to do it as a way of being like 'come back to me' or something... I just thought thought it'd be nice if they could see it without having to trudge back into our private stuff and also, I'm really proud of the story and I'd like to see other people's opinions on it since it's a lot different than the usual fic in our fandom. I'm just afraid that if I mention it was written for this person, they'll feel like I'm trying to call them out or something, but that if I don't mention it was written for them, they'll feel like I was lying when I said it was or that I don't care that it was for them or something.

WHY DID I WRITE 'THIS OUR FANDOM' AUGH

It makes it sound kind of reverent, like "you our lord."

It is an honor to be invited to your daughter's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding.

Do you have a specific reason to believe your falling out was part of that? Because I've found a lot of people do it - I have friends who I never fought with, but I can't even mention our old fandoms without them getting awkward. Sometimes it's that the experience as a whole sucked, sometimes it's that they're embarrassed for having liked it, sometimes they're just one of those people who, when done with something, are really done with it. I wouldn't take it personally unless this friend said it was because of your argument. And honestly, if that was it? I wouldn't feel bad - some people were really awful to me in a certain fandom, and I still love the hell out of both the fandom AND the source material.

Post the story, and add a brief note at the beginning: this was written for a friend.

No drama. But if they read it, they'll know it's them.

[ SECRET POST #2355 ]

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Too late

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OP

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OP

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OP

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