fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2392 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2392 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Wow, so many comments.

I just want to add that a 13-year-old is a baby. They do not have the mental capacity to think and rationalize like an adult and anybody in the education field will tell you that.

They will also tell you that if you can't understand how a 13-year-old works/functions, you have no business judging them based on their decisions. Just because, at 13, you didn't make a bad choice like that, doesn't mean you wouldn't have under different circumstances. He made a mistake, and you know what? I bet he regretted that mistake every day for the rest of his life.

As adults we know and understand drugs and their consequences but when you're a 13-year-old, things seem a lot more grey-area. This is especially true in urban areas or extremely rural areas.

My sympathy is pretty limited. I personally have known a great number of people who died to drug overdoses. I felt sorry that they made poor decisions as young teens and got addicted in the same way. I had/have relatives who were such bad alcoholics that they couldn't drive from Pennsylvania to Ohio without having withdrawal seizures.

Cory checked himself into rehab, iirc, multiple times. My relatives and acquaintances/classmates did not. He knew he had a problem.

IF YOU HAVE NEVER SUFFERED ADDICTION YOURSELF DO NOT PRETEND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS.

That drives me nuts. I understand a lack of sympathy, and I understand not feeling sorry for someone. But the whole "They chose to do it and now it's their fault that they don't get better" argument is completely invalid. Severe addictions are not easy to break and if you've never broken a legit addiction don't pretend that you understand the process because YOU DO NOT.

Like a boss my grandmother quit smoking and it was the hardest thing she ever did. My parents stopped smoking and stopped doing drugs just before I was born. That shit isn't easy.

You can pretend you're as strong-willed as you want but in the end it's not an easy road and just because it doesn't sound difficult in text or on paper doesn't mean that it's easy. Protip: it's not easy to break an addiction.

I know it sounds so stupid, "Just say no" isn't easy, especially when you're 13, especially if you're having a rough time, especially if your family isn't supportive or you don't have any friends or whatever. "Just say no" isn't easy even for adults who have been struggling with addiction. Just because he was 31 doesn't mean that all he had to do was say no. Not only was he mentally addicted to that shit, his body was addicted to it, too. It craved it. It probably drove him crazy. That's not EASY to work through. It's frustrating. It's scary. And he struggled with his addiction BUT HE LOST.

And here's the real scoop, guys: that doesn't make him a shitty person or an idiot. It just makes him human. We all struggle with things. Maybe we don't all struggle with drugs, but we struggle with our tempers, and not feeling emotion that we probably should be, and with ADD/ADHD, body image, etc. There are a million struggles out there and none of them are easy.

Yes, he chose to get into drugs at 13, but if you think he consciously understood what that entailed, how easy they are to get addicted to, what the actual consequences were...YOU ARE WRONG. A thirteen-year-old's brain is not developed to the point of an adult; THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLDS DO NOT THINK LIKE AN ADULT. They can't even think on the level of a 15 or 16-year-old.

I'm sad that he's dead. I'm sad that he fought against his addiction and that he lost. But that just proves that having money and fame and a loving significant other...is not enough. Love does NOT conquer all. Sometimes it makes things easier, sometimes it helps, but it's not a cure-all. His girlfriend and supportive friends were helpful, I bet, but having those things doesn't automatically make you able to overcome difficult odds.

But I guess since people are always writing fanfiction about how love conquers all, it's hard to understand that, well, IT DOESN'T.

This. 13 is just, nothing. I tried committing suicide at 13. Then again at 14. Then I self-harmed for the next 5 years. At that age everything felt so extreme and insurmountable. At that age you just look at the world differently. There seemed to be almost something romantic about being self-destructive. I do not know how to explain it. Like it was a bittersweet pain, but a nicer pain than the anxiety and depression and chronic fatigue I was suffering from then.

Honestly it wasn't until almost two decades after my suicide attempt that it REALLY hit me what that would have meant to my parents. To make matters worse I'm an only child.

I also once foolishly believed I was cured of mental illness. But I self-harmed again after finding out my dad had cancer after like 10 years of not cutting. I was fine through most of college, but the stress of not finding jobs has lead me to anxiety again. I also have a food addiction.

I realize now that this will never go away, and it's a constant battle. Some days I want to die and some days I want to live forever. But I realize in retrospect I was unstable since childhood - it's something inside me, and it might yet end up killing me.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad someone in this thread can understand what it's like to have a problem that doesn't go away with a loving family or good friends or whatever else is out there that helps.

/hugs you. It's an ongoing struggle--you're absolutely right. People with depression or addictions or whatever don't just magically get better. And sometimes the fact that it's going to be a struggle forever is enough to make it worse...if that makes sense. "I'm always going to have really bad days mixed in with the "okay" and the "good" days." That's hard to deal with sometimes. But not everyone understands that.

Thanks for your reply. <3

ayrt

You're welcome. I'm just really horrified that the blaming in this thread. Yes, you do choose to take drugs the first time. But, I also chose to take a knife to myself the first time. The first time I actually tried slashing my writs (but failed) but at the same moment I found out cutting myself could give me relief.

But that first time, that was driven by sadness and desperation felt by a 13-year old girl. And on the outside, I came from a nice middle-class family who lived comfortably. I was the gifted, golden child of two older parents who went to one of the best schools in the area. When I was little everyone thought I'd grow up to be a doctor or whatever. Yes, my parents made mistakes, but not maliciously so, mostly just because they had no experience with mental illness, and because of denial, not malice. So on the outside, people could say I had it all, too.

I remember when I was like 19 (and trying to get my high school diploma, two years late) when there was this teacher who said my problems were "luxury problems" and I remember being so, so angry and hurt.

Yes, obviously, I'm not a starving child in Africa, but I was completely and utterly convinced that this woman didn't go through a fraction of what I did, and it was especially hurtful at a time where I was trying so hard to put my life back together. And so many people in this thread sound like that: so very judgmental of someone trying to get his life together. It's strange, too, because I'm only a little older than Cory, so our stories would have for a large part been simultaneous. I guess that makes it worse, because it makes me realize I'm still not out of the clear. And never will be.

That's what was bothering me, too. It was clear to me that most people in the thread either forget what it was like to be 13, or didn't struggle with the problems some 13-year-olds struggle with. All the love in the world won't keep you from doing sad things.

That teacher was an asshole and as a fellow (soon to be) educator (I'll be there when I hit 30!) I'm horrified that someone would say something like that. People joke about "first world problems" all the time, and sometimes I do too, "Man today is such a bad day, I'm so depressed...first world problems." But it's still sad. I'm only a few years younger than Cory so I felt like that's just so young for someone to be when life just STOPS. But in the end he was still a talented man.

Also, your post makes me also want to teach GED classes and stuff. I considered it before but I love adults and I would love to help adults get their high school diploma/GEDs even more than I'd love to teach high school or college-level stuff. ;_;

Please do! You could make such a difference.

[ SECRET POST #2392 ]

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