[ SECRET POST #2412 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2412 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 093 secrets from Secret Submission Post #345.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

OP

Okay, I'll come clean. I put this secret up to see what sort of response I would get. The BNF is actually a friend of mine and yes she is just as sweet as the secret says she is, only genuine. There are a group of passive aggressive fans who bitch about her behind her back but won't say anything to her face or if one of them does it's always under a sock. She knows who some of them are and I want her to call them out publicly so the rest of the fandom knows some of the nastiness thats been happening. She won't do it though, because she says she doesn't want the drama and there'd be too much of a backlash. If a bunch of anonymous strangers on the net can stand up for her, then what's to say the fandom won't do the same. I'm going to show her these responses and I'm hoping she'll see I'm right and she doesn't have to put up with people being douchecanoes to her. I consider this my litmus test and I think its passed with flying colors.

[(Anonymous)]

...this is a terrible litmus test.

Saying that someone shouldn't pretend to be another person friend to try and find dirt on them isn't even close to the same situation as what you're describing.

[(Anonymous)]

OP

But these people pretend to be her friend, they totally suck up to her in public and the bash her privately and she's still nice to them. I want her to see that people will stick up for her if she names names. There's a reason she's a BNF and its not because she's some major fandom wanker, she's a genuinely nice person. She needs to call these people out and reveal them for who they really are. People will have her back if she does, the responses here just prove that.

I didn't mean to hurt or upset anyone with this though. I really just wanted something concrete I could take back to my friend and show her that even people who don't know her would still defend her.

[(Anonymous)]

...okay, posted my response below too late before I saw this. Interesting, OP! Well, handle it delicately, and don't get too caught up in the PA.

[(Anonymous)]

That is indeed a terrible litmus test, and also just a terrible idea. It's her choice whether to call them out or not, but it sounds like her not calling them out is both better for her and your fandom community. No one needs that drama and nastiness, and if currently the only bitchiness that is going on is by socks, then she's lucky. She (and her friends if she gives permission) should call out any overt nastiness that is posted directly to her, if that's what she wants to do - but leave the lurkers and socks alone, otherwise you'll end up looking as crazy and overinvested as they are.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Listen to what the anon above has to say. There's a reason your friend isn't calling people out, it usually causes more drama than what its worth. I've seen call out situations go bad where people get called out, they bring their friends into it, or maybe sometimes friends who are on both sides get caught in the middle, wank ensues, fights, drama, fandom gets split into who takes whose side, etc etc. It's not worth it, and the fact that your friend seems to have implemented a 'no call out' policy would suggest she's the bigger person for it. I must say, you have a weird way of wanting to help a friend. If you really want to help her, just be there for her as a listening post when one of these socks or passive aggressives do come at her so she can blow off some steam and move on.

[(Anonymous)]

The bullshit is strong with this one.

[(Anonymous)]

You mean the OP's secret went down like a lead balloon, and now they're trying to back pedal their way out of it? Maybe they assumed that BNF meant insta!hate and everyone would be cheering them on.

Bad play OP, very bad play.

On the off chance they really are being legit. I still don't get how this is supposed to be helping a friend. You didn't really think this one through, did you OP.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I have a friend in a similar situation. She's not a BNF like your friend is, but she's fairly well known and liked in our fandom. She also got involved in charity work, and through that she's been able to make contacts with people like the show's creator. There are people who are jealous of this, even though she worked very hard for it, and didn't just have it fall into her lap. They try to trip her up all the time, they try to find 'proof' that her contacts are faked, and that she's exaggerating things. They send her abusive emails under anonymous accounts, and I know all of this upsets her more than she lets on. But she still won't call out anyone, even when she does know who the abuse is coming from, and I suspect its for the same reason your friend won't call anyone out either - she doesn't want to deal with the drama, and she'd rather focus on more important things. You say your friend does charity work as well. Maybe she doesn't want to call anyone out because the ensuing drama it would cause might affect the work she's trying to do. Maybe that's more important to her than the momentary satisfaction of naming names, as you put it.

The fact that your friend is a BNF makes it even more fraught with difficulties in terms of calling people out. Your friend being a BNF has certain expectations on her. What if she calls these people out and the fandom backlashes against her, because she's seen to be abusing her position of power in the fandom - even if she is in the right.

tl:dr You can't force someone to respond to a situation the way you think they should. It's their choice how to handle things.

[(Anonymous)]

This is an absolutely terrible idea. If your friend calls these people out, it will backfire horribly (and this is assuming she's right in thinking she knows who they are - internet detective work isn't infallible, and making someone miserable by calling them out erroneously will only serve to hurt both parties). Regardless of the intent, it will look to some people like your friend's using her popularity to get others in the fandom to dogpile people she doesn't get on with, and her discreditors will be all too happy to fan those flames.

Avoiding the drama is a good decision. Ignoring them is a good decision. If they harass her, going to the admins of the site they're using with their usernames (sock or otherwise) is a good idea. Banning the socks from her own spaces when they pop up - and banning the people behind the socks if she's reasonably certain/they anonfail - is a good idea. There are ways to protect herself from nasty, backbiting bullshit without campaigning against people.

[forgottenjester]

Regardless of the intent, it will look to some people like your friend's using her popularity to get others in the fandom to dogpile people she doesn't get on with, and her discreditors will be all too happy to fan those flames.

Exactly. You said it better than me.

[forgottenjester]

I don't like you for doing this. Know that.

That said, I don't think you should push her to do something she doesn't want to do. Besides, if she calls them out she becomes the bad guy. She's the one who name names and she's the one who starts the drama that will engulf the fandom.

She becomes the thing people talk shit about.

Either she should confront them privately about their behavior, like a nice person would, or you get the job of shit-slinger. What if you called them out? Doesn't seem so appetizing anymore, does it? No. It doesn't. Honestly, she should confront them privately and in a nice, calm way. Say that their words upset her and she wishes they would stop or keep it to themselves. Now they look like the bad guys they really are and she comes out looking like a shining star and no one in fandom was the wiser. Maybe she loses their "friendship". So what? They weren't worth it, obviously. Now, if these people then start making it public and pulling shit in fandom they are then the ones that started it. They are the ones people will condemn. They are the ones who look bad.

Your friend will look all the more innocent.

But seriously, why can't she just quietly unfriend them and be done with it? Why must it be a fandom wide hoopla?

[(Anonymous)]

Call-out journals/announcements never work well

Yeah, some people will know the accusers are jerks and steer clear of them, but then the jerks will have more ammo and support from others: "see? see? She is unleashing her white knights on us! if she was innocent she wouldn't need to be on the defensive!!"

it makes tons of people act impulsively/silly in an effort to be supportive of the people they admire

you'll end with a divided fandom

it seems your friend already knows that her actions and general behavior speak for themselves better than any call out ever will

[(Anonymous)]

Interesting, but just remember that f!s is not always a great indicator for fandom as a whole. I've found people here tend to be more supportive and positive (lol yes, even with the trolls and occasional wank) than many spaces on the net. Depending on what fandom it is, this could really backfire, and it will probably be her that pays for it, not you. So think carefully before you encourage her to make herself vulnerable like that.