[ SECRET POST #2414 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2414 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.
[Akumu-chan / My Little Nightmare]


__________________________________________________



03.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation/Deanna Troi]


__________________________________________________



04.
[The Borgias]


__________________________________________________



05.
[Kaiba Seto and Jounouchi Katsuya from Yu-gi-oh!]


__________________________________________________



06.
[Spring Breakers]


__________________________________________________



07.
[Murder Rooms]


__________________________________________________



08.
[Twin Peaks]


__________________________________________________



09.
[Mass Effect]


__________________________________________________



10.
[Despicable Me 2]


__________________________________________________



11.
[Ice Age]


__________________________________________________



12.
[Arrested Development]


__________________________________________________



13.
[Super Junior]


__________________________________________________



14.
[Halloween]


__________________________________________________









Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 064 secrets from Secret Submission Post #345.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Hmm. I see your point, and it's certainly something to think about.

The thing I will say in response, however, is that everything else about our relationship is gravy, and the reason I'm considering this is because I sincerely do not care if he sleeps with other people. So, to me, my impetus is positive: I want him to be fulfilled in the same way that I am.

But, I don't know. What does it meant to want a polyamorous life? Do I have to want to be with other people myself? If I never become involved with anyone else myself, but my partner becomes involved with others and I'm okay with it, then is that somehow less valid?

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[thene]

It sounds like he isn't that keen on it, though?

(ETA: sorry, I hit 'post' too soon by accident)

What does it meant to want a polyamorous life? Idk, honestly. You could try going to poly events and finding out.

A lot of relationships have the same libido mismatch as yours, though. Just speaking personally, we solve it with lots of masturbation, partially mutual. And hey, your SO could end up picking out a second partner and then finding he's just as mismatched with her as he is with you.

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[(Anonymous)]

Part of the problem is that masturbation hasn't solved it; he still feels frustrated and unfulfilled. The mismatch may be normal, but it seems that he isn't dealing with it as well as he thought he would. I want to help him.

You're right though; it would help to go to poly events or just talk more to poly people and try to go from there.

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[pantasma]

Not less valid at all, no. Poly doesn't mean that everyone has to be in the all the same relationships. But you have to remember that "polyamory" is typically multiple relationships, not just sleeping with another/multiple people. If you (both) don't want him to be in another romantic relationship, I would suggest looking at other options. There are those in the community -- and it is a community -- who are just looking for multiple sexual partners, but they are more difficult to find.

Is there someone he could be friends with benefits with? When you say it's his biggest caveat, does that mean he doesn't want to be romantically involved with anyone else (/afraid he would be), or he does? Which might mean multiple someones, infrequently and briefly visited.

Have you thought about other things, like rules around them?

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[(Anonymous)]

A friends with benefits situation would be ideal. His caveat is romantic involvement: he doesn't want anything with anyone else to go beyond sex.

It's kind of a weird situation, and it will take a lot of discussion and hammering out if it's ever to go anywhere.

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[pantasma]

Gotcha, thanks for clarifying.

It's not terribly unusual, but a lot of people just dive in. I'm glad to hear you're already prepared to talk and work it out if you do pursue it!

Re: Introducing Polyamory into a Previously Monogamous Relationship

[(Anonymous)]

from observations "sleep with whoever you want, so long as you come home to me" is usually a workable policy.