fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2433 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2433 ⌋

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Dear fandom friend. Dearest fandom friend. I love you. I love you very, very much.
I've already done many things for you, including some I first thought I couldn't, and I'll still do anything I can for you.
Of course you're more than welcome to stay at my place again next time there's a convention in my town. However. The welcome does not extend to lending my bed to you and your girlfriend while I spend a miserable night cramped on the sofa trying not to think of you having sex with her in my bed.
I'm mortified at the very idea you could ever think it'd be OK to ask that of me.

I hope you told this to your friend too.

^ my thoughts exactly whenever I see a post like this.

I agree with anon1, I really hope you told your friend that.

I love my friends and most the time their SOs too, but they all know straight up rule #1: If you are a guest in my house, you do not fuck in my house. It's a very small house, I will be able to hear you, and I'm not dealing with that shit.

uh, what. If you are already letting one person stay over during a con, it is absolutely fine of them to ask if you can house one more as long as they are not pushy about it. And you are within your full right to reject that, but come on, it is not like killing kittens to ask.

Also did they actually ask if they could fuck in your bed? Or did they even do so? Cause else it sounds like you are projecting like hell here. Just cause a couple is sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean they are automatically going to fuck.

Gotta agree with this. OP, you could've said no. You could've laid down ground rules. You could've done anything except be a doormat and then bitch about it later.

And yeah, my partner and I have stayed over several places, but if we're borrowing somebody else's bed, we don't even sleep shirtless, much less have sex. "Sexually active" does not automatically mean "will fuck anywhere." Sheesh.

Wait. You also seem a teeny bit jealous/resentful of the girlfriend? Which is probably a separate issue but kind of clouding my read on your description. Did you originally offer the friend your bed and not know the girlfriend was coming and they assumed the offer extended to her, or did the couple actually invite themselves to your bed without an opening?

Plus "trying not to think of" and "trying not to hear" are kind of two different things. If there really wasn't anything to suggest they were having sex in your bed the first is on you, not them.

Also this might be a regional thing, though the assumption without the offer is strange. But I know areas where people get aghast at the thought a guest might not want to sleep in the married host's bed. It's... kind of weird and awkward.

Not OP

Yeah, see. Here's the thing most people don't seem to get with beds: Some people are very protective of their beds. I do - and I know that. My bed is one of the few things I will actually tell people to get the fuck away from [and I'm generally someone whose more than happy to share just about anything if someone asks]. If someone else where to sleep in my bed it would make me very, very anxious and if it was two people I'd probably have the same reaction as the OP does.

This is because my bed *is* my safe space - so someone else sleeping in it feels like a violation, and if it were two people I knew were in sexual relationship? I might not be able to stop myself from thinking about them doing stuff in my bed. So it could not be a jealously thing.

Also, even if they did offer, a lot of places letting the quest sleep in the bed is generally considered the polite thing if you don't have a quest bed. So they could have felt pressured into it.

I was pretty much asking for clarification on OP's situation because while I get being a little possessive of your sleeping place it's not entirely clear this was a righteous indignation post and definitely didn't seem like the whole story. Honestly I got the impression OP is jealous of the girlfriend and isn't great at communicating or setting boundaries and rather than sucking it up and asserting themselves wanted to have people sympathize about what an inconsiderate person their friend is.

OP's subject line and the strange repeated emphasis on the girlfriend is what had me asking about the jealousy thing. And honestly not being able to stop yourself from obsessing about something someone else may or may not be doing is your responsibility, not theirs.

And as to your last point... are you implying that even if they had offered the guest is responsible to intuit that they're feeling pressured into offering and is a bad friend if they don't? I mean, you yourself said most people don't "get" how protective some people can be about their beds. I'm just not seeing anything that would indicate the friend was outrageously unreasonable.

Edited 2013-09-01 02:20 (UTC)

-shrugs- And from what I read, I got the impression the OP just didn't like their friend's girl friend, and felt put upon because 'Surprise! BTW, my girlfriend is coming too - still okay if we crash at your place?' with the plans already set up.

The thing with offering the bed - my point, since you seemed [and still seem] very 'WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, DUMBASS!' is that some places not offering the bed could, and would, be viewed as slight and have social consequences. Generally the polite thing there is for the quest to offer to not stay in their bed - but plenty of rude [or people who just don't realize it] don't do that. That wouldn't be the OP's fault. But then again, you've already made your mind up.

[ SECRET POST #2433 ]

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