[ SECRET POST #2442 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2442 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________
















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[vethica]

Hmm, okay. You'd say most people are like that?

[(Anonymous)]

A great many of the people I know are like that.

The progression goes a bit like this:
1. Yes, that is a handsome man/pretty woman. Goes about daily life.
2. Yes, this is a handsome/pretty person who is nice, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist or whatever draws you to other people.
3. Yes, this handsome/pretty person and I have things in common and that pleases me. I would like to get to know them better.
4. *looks again at person they like and whose company they enjoy* Damn, they're even purtier than I thought.
5. I really want to sleep with this person now.

[vethica]

Would you differentiate between being sexually attracted to someone and wanting to sleep with them?

[(Anonymous)]

I will be back, because this is interesting, but the family just got home. :/

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Yes, but I think that has exactly nothing to do with sexuality, and everything to do with being a rational person not driven by a/b/o dynamics. I can find someone hot as hell and not want to sleep with them because, for whatever reason, it would be a bad idea. Most people do that.

[vethica]

Exactly; I'd differentiate the two in that way as well. AIRT seemed to be conflating them in point 5, though, so I was wondering.

[(Anonymous)]

Point 5 is a nice, to-be-hoped for ending to the progression, if you want a relationship, if you would like to find somebody to love in that way.

This does not in any way mean that we are ruled by feelings of attraction. Just because I feel sexually attracted to a person, does not in any way, shape or form mean that I am going to jump right the hell in bed and fuck their brains out when there is a good reason not to.

Like, this person is married. This person dating someone else. This person is my boss. This person is my dentist.

Where the hell did the notion come in that people are CONTROLLED by their sexuality or sexual feelings? WTF?

[vethica]

Don't ask me, dude. I agree with you. That's why I'm confused as to why so many people seem to think sexual attraction and sexual behavior are the same thing. :\

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's because sexual attraction is usually the initial force leading to sexual behavior (I may be phrasing that badly.)

Technically, in a dying, post-apocalyptic world, asexuals might see the profound need to breed, lest the species become extinct, and find some way to behave in the most basic sexual fashion (which is, for the sake of procreation.)

But hopefully we rarely encounter scenarios where we do sexual things that we have no personal sexual motive to do, because most of those scenarios would suck out the ass for people in them.

[vethica]

Yeah, but they are two distinct things. As anon above (are you anon above?) said, you can be sexually attracted to someone and not have sex with them. You can also have sex with someone and not be sexually attracted to them (and I don't think it's as bad as all that - I know an asexual person who was in a relationship with a non-asexual, and she didn't mind having sex because it was a thing her partner enjoyed). So for all these people to characterize demisexuality as "I don't have sex with people unless I'm in ~love~ with them unlike all those other sluts" just doesn't make sense to me.

[(Anonymous)]

This person had a personal motive for sexual behavior though. Because she wanted to allow her partner a thing they enjoyed.

Having sex with someone you are not sexually attracted to sounds boring (in the most innocuous situations I can imagine) or potentially horrendous in the worst that I can imagine. It does not sound pleasurable or desirable.

[Innocuously, it would be like going to see the kind of movie you really, really don't like because your friend loves them. Sort of. Kind of. "Did you have fun? You did? Okay, that's good, then."]

The problem is, that for every five sane people who don't feel sexual attraction until they have an emotional connection, there is some asshat out there using their similar sexual experience to slut-shame people who enjoy casual sex.

That's the problem. The self-righteous asshat problem.

[vethica]

Okay, I feel you on that one. I think we're in agreement here. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm back.

I need to add the Great Big Caveat that the five steps also apply to people who are not considered conventionally attractive, and to people you first look at and think only, "This person is no masterpiece."

And in my experience, no I don't differentiate it when it has become my own personal emotional perception.

I can recognize that by many standards, Person A would be considered to have a handsome or pretty face. I can recognize that by many standards Person A would be considered sexually attractive. These two things can go hand in hand, or not.

To feel sexual attraction effecting me is a whole nother ballgame.

And once I feel sexual attraction, then I want to sleep with that person.

[vethica]

Ugh, I think I'm getting too tired to read and answer this correctly. I'm not even sure at this point why I asked that question. @_@ I can come back to it in the morning, if you're still interested. Just. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you. You seem pretty chill.

[(Anonymous)]

If you're up for coming back to this long, long, long thread in the morning :D , I'll check back on it tomorrow. That would be cool.

[vethica]

Ugh dude, I'm sorry. I put this off for too long and I'm still not sure what it was I was getting at when I asked the question. I am also just kind of feeling burnt out on this whole debate right now (which is totally not your fault, it's just this whole big thread business). I'm sorry if I disappointed you, man. :(

da

[(Anonymous)]

"most" might be overreaching

but I'd say anywhere from 25-50% of the population, yeah

i daresay low sex drives/not wanting to bone everything in sight are far far more common than people think

it's just that a) not everybody likes to label themselves as gray-ace or demisexual or w/e (I reject those labels myself even though they'd technically cover me)

and b) western culture is so sexualized that there's social pressure on people (especially men) to make pretenses at hypersexuality even if they're not really feeling it

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

DA

SERIOUSLY. Just because I find someone sexually attractive, does not mean I automatically imagine us boning.

Re: da

[vethica]

I don't think that imagining boning has much to do with it one way or the other. I mean, I imagine having sex with people who I'm not sexually attracted to, so.

[(Anonymous)]

I do too (but I have a weird mental... reflex? where I imagine sexually inappropriate and/or graphically violent/destructive situations at awful times)

[(Anonymous)]

in all seriousness, that is one of the symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

[(Anonymous)]

people have told me before that they think I'm OCD but I have resisted getting a diagnosis because

a) mental health treatment is expensive as fuck where I live and I've only recently gotten insurance that would even cover it

b) other than those visions, which I deeply suppress and never discuss IRL, I show no symptoms that negatively impact my day-to-day life

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

also wrt a) some people are completely unaware of the fact that labels exist for such things and/or they don't find it that central a facet of their identity