Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-09-17 06:40 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-09-17 06:40 pm
[ SECRET POST #2450 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2450 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: I feel bullied in my home
You mention in one of your comments that you've sent out 20 apps. What sort of area do you live in? Because unless you are in small town nowhere where there is literally nothing, 20 apps was... what I would send out in a bad week when I was looking for work. Where are you looking?
Some people have suggested Vocational Rehab, and I actually would strongly agree with this suggestion. The state has resources to help people find work, and Voc Rehab is there specifically for that, and also to help you find work that you can do with your disabilities (I also have disabling anxiety and mental health issues that have existed since childhood, so I have a lot of sympathy for you there). They may also be able to help with things like resume building and interviewing skills, which I would suspect would be something helpful to you.
Something a lot of younger people do, too, is not apply for jobs if they don't meet all of the criteria. The criteria, in many cases, is a wish list. Most times, yes, they'll find someone that meets all the criteria, but if they don't, they may look at your app, because getting someone who needs a little more training is better than no person in many cases.
I ran into a similar issue with your parents with my ex, after I had taken six months plus to recover from a work related injury. She didn't understand why I couldn't just get a job NOW, because when SHE was my age, she could get a job in 3 weeks if she tried. Now, when she was my age, that was the early 90s. Big difference! Your parents probably have a similar thing going on, where they are judging not by today's standards, but by what they remember, which isn't fair to you... but at the same point, it also does sound like you could be doing more, which I've gone over above.
You say that you are on medication and that's one reason you can't leave. I'll be honest: If that medication is for your mental illness, it doesn't sound like it's doing the job. I've recently had to see a new psych because I was getting panic attacks 3x a day, on average, and she put me on a different medication that has reduced it to 3x a week, on a bad week. So, if you have the option at all to see a doctor about medication adjustment, I would definitely look into that. (Others have mentioned therapy, too, and since you mention having mild autism and OCD, that would also be useful, if your parents would go for it.)
As far as the license thing, unless you live in an area where there is good public transit, I think that is something you need to bring up with your parents, because how are you supposed to get and keep a job if you can't get to it? Are you supposed to rely on them forever? What if they aren't able to get you to your work? What if something happens? If you are in the US and outside of a big city, driving is IMPORTANT. Even if they drive you most of the time, having the option is major, and honestly, that out of everything here concerns me the most, because it sounds to me controlling and/or codependent.
I hope some of this is helpful. I really do feel for you, because with mental illness, all these things are a lot harder, but you still have to do them. Please keep us updated. *hugs offered*
OP
(Anonymous) 2013-09-18 02:09 am (UTC)(link)Yeah I suppose I'm not doing everything. I guess I worded this vent poorly. Bullied isn't the right word. I was just doing it on an emotional high because I had just been yelled at the same as I was yesterday after I actually DID what they asked.
So yeah I've decided to try harder because I do want a job.
I am limited because since I am unable to drive my parents drive me and they have limited the distance I can look in. Also I can't get a job at a gas station they won't allow it. Believe me I have been trying to search everywhere,. I can't afford to ignore any places.
I have done vocation rehab once when I was seventeen. I didn't do to well and i feel embarrassed for wasting their time.But I guess I can look into it. I mean I recently got a job for a year before without a job coach and had a good rapport there.
My parents recent;y started looking for a counselor at least. My medical problems are physical.
That's my biggest issue. Not being able to drive makes me feel trapped and limited. Like I'm in a prison I'll never escape. They've recently considered letting me learn if I get a job and insurance money. But....I don't know if it's sad but my dream right now aside form getting a published work out there is to learn how to drive. i'm stuck here feeling like some pathetic womanchild and that makes me hate myself even more. Like literally the only thing I sort like about myself is what I've created. I think they just want to protect me and other people because they think I"m dangerous in a car.
Thank you very much. I'll work a little harder and maybe look into something like Etsy or commissions for money on the side.
*hugs taken gratefully*
Re: OP
(Anonymous) 2013-09-18 02:49 am (UTC)(link)If you are legally old enough to drive and a legal adult, there's nothing your parents can do to stop you from learning to drive. They can refuse to teach you and they can refuse to let you use their car - which, admittedly, are very big road blocks - but they can't stop you from signing up for a class or finding someone else who will teach you or supply a car and help you practice. Getting a job not only would give you leverage for encouraging your parents to help with the driving problem, but it might also help with the money and social connections that you would need to learn anyway in the event your parents won't help you. Find out what the laws are where you live regarding learning to drive and getting a license and then think about a realistic plan for doing this, then see if your parents will go along with it.
Good luck, OP. This is the one part of your post that really trips me up because while yes, you should look for work and no, your parents are not required to help pay for you to go to college, keeping you from driving veers off into an area where your parents seem to be actively trying to sabotage your ability to become an independent adult in a way that undermines your self-confidence in the process. Everyone is dangerous in a car when they first learn to drive because there is no substitute for experience in this case. Whether they continue to be dangerous after practice remains to be seen, so honestly, your parents have no leg to stand on saying you shouldn't drive unless you've been practicing regularly for years and still nearly cause accidents all the time.
Re: OP
Voc Rehab may be able to help you differently now that you are an adult vs. when you are 17; plus they may have different people and different resources now. It definitely can't hurt to check.
I think it would be important to let your parents know how important learning to drive is for you. It is a basic life skill, and it's something that you should know even if you don't get your license/insurance right away. It takes awhile to learn, and honestly, it's probably better if you learn now, while you have the free time, than when you're trying to juggle work.
My sister, who had difficulty driving a cart in Walmart without hitting people, learned to drive successfully. I have faith you can too. :)
(And as far as publishing works, I actually have some experience there, so if you want resources, depending on what you are looking at doing -- NY, self-pub, small press -- I can pass you some resources if you like. I actually know some people who are self publishing to complement their part time income.)