fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2462 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2462 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 057 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But I don't think she realizes what it is.

You can absolutely make friends on the internet. Realize that there's a difference between real friends and "friends" who are just people on tumblr you only talk about fandom with and will drop you as soon as you stop watching their favorite show (these are acquaintances, which are totally nice to have, just don't lean on them).

The issue is that you seem to have buried yourself in fandomsecrets after losing your RL friends. Human beings need human contact, and while computer friends are real friends, we can't give you a hug, we can't tell when you look upset, and we certainly can't go get coffee with you. Make internet friends, but don't let that replace an in-person social life.

Thanks for including me, by the way!

You said what I wanted to say but so much better.

Playing devil's advocate here, but most of my RL friends are utter shit at comfort. We can go get coffee, they can give me a hug, but it will be awkward and they won't know what to do or what to say, because it's me who is the comforter in the group. I don't blame them for not being me. Some people aren't good at that. And no, "get better friends" isn't an argument you can make here because I'm not going to go make friends solely to depend on them for comfort. I like the friends I have now.

I find my online friends (real friends I've talked to for years, not "acquaintances") are a lot better at making me feel better when I'm down, simply because they are people who are better at it and know the right kinds of things to say. I agree that a healthy mix of RL and internet friends is a good thing, and that a lot of people mistake friendly acquaintances for friends. But I don't really like the implication that just because they're on tumblr, my internet friends automatically can't do things my real life friends can automatically do just by way of being "in person" - people aren't simple and cut and dry like that. My RL friend giving me an awkward comfort hug does volumes less than someone I've known for 7 years telling me they understand - whether it's in the medium of text or not.

TL;DR "Human contact" can come in a variety of media. Physical touch and talk are not necessities for everyone.

Okay, this is a case of not actually reading what I said and instead getting weirdly defensive because I snarked about tumblr.

I find my online friends (real friends I've talked to for years, not "acquaintances")

That's pretty much what I mean by a friend and not acquaintance. Remember, we are on a website where people routinely complain that their "friends" don't talk to them anymore because they couldn't get into Sherlock or something similar.

Also realize that I was talking about the OP specifically, who got really into fandomsecrets because they lost RL friends and appears to be talking to us instead of people in RL, thus prompting their mother's off target but genuine worry.

I'm sorry your friends aren't good at hugging but that doesn't mean OP doesn't need to talk to human beings in person.

Edited 2013-09-30 03:22 (UTC)

Defensive where? I am legitimately confused because I didn't write my post in anger or anything like that. Sorry if I sounded mad? Confused a little...

Um, moving on though, I stated in the beginning I was playing Devil's Advocate. Using my situation as an example that can be true, maybe nobody around OP is good at things like that either - again, people aren't so simple and encouraging OP to find RL comfort may not work out for them either.

You said, and I quote, "[h]uman beings need human contact" and I was pointing out that human contact didn't only mean in-person contact like you were suggesting. Hugs might not be necessary for OP, who knows!

I think this is one of those situations where tone doesn't translate over the internet! Sorry about that.

I think that Chard meant more not to confuse fandom acquaintances (which a lot, but not all interaction on Tumblr probably is) with real online friends.

Though I'd also say that the majority of human beings are probably healthier with some degree of physical interaction with other humans. What with humans being social animals. But heck, most of mine comes from my parents, since my offline friends are busy people and only see me once a week, give or take.

[ SECRET POST #2462 ]

Your mom totally has a point

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