[ SECRET POST #2462 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2462 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 057 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. http://i.imgur.com/J552fxG.png?1?8136

[(Anonymous)]

I don't like this school of thought. That internet friends can't be real friends, or "real" anything. Because it leads to this: if everyone on the internet is only numbers and nicknames, it doesn't matter what you say to them. You can be friends, and it won't matter. You can also say the most vile, evil, nasty, hurtful things... you could bully and harass "users" past their breaking point... and it won't matter. It can't, because they aren't "real," you'll never meet them, and it's "only the internet." Therefore, there is no reason to care.

Ask your mother if she agrees with that, too. If she doesn't, maybe she should think about it.

[(Anonymous)]

This. There are still people behind the numbers and nicknames. Forgetting about this is what causes online-bullying, and similar crap.

[(Anonymous)]

This is true.

My cousin said the same thing to me years ago and I asked her if her pen friend she was very close to at that time also wasn't a real friend then. Shut her up pretty fast.

[kaijinscendre]

I have met some of my closest friends on the internet (particularly WoW when I played). Older people just don't understand how the internet community works. There is a lot of bad, but there is also a lot of good.


I never noticed that little hand coming out of the portal on Chard's icon.

[littlestbirds]

Um yeah. Noodle's hand. That's what that is.
I'm curious why vethica is hiding up in the corner myself.

[(Anonymous)]

I have relatives overseas that I have never spoken to except over the phone or Facebook. I have penpals in other countries that I only write snailmail to. I guess all of them they don't exist or aren't really my friends? Lol, old people.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't listen to your mother, please don't listen to your mother. She obviously doesn't get what it's like to be isolated from "real" life friends and how you need to cope with it.

I went through it when I was younger, and my internet friends helped me get through to the point that eventually I had the confidence to go out and get local friends again. And I wouldn't trade them for anything, I met a lot of them IRL, and many of them are still some of my best friends.

She may be concerned because yes it's not a great idea to spend all your life online, but when you don't have other options it can be a life saver. If you enjoy your time on FS, then let yourself enjoy it.

[(Anonymous)]

Older folks tend to not understand not having met someone and still being friends with them, and that sucks when in conversations like that.

However, that doesn't mean you're deceiving yourself. It's completely possible to be friends, even really close friends, with people online, and in some ways it's easier to get closer to people online than off since most people tend to be a little more honest online [at least, according to studies and all that jazz.]

[(Anonymous)]

You should find your own definition of friendship. If you're spending time with them and they make you happy and it's not hurting anybody, then what's the harm? There is no set guideline about what kind of people can and can't be your friend. It's up to you to make that judgment and not your mom.

[kamino_neko]

Numbers and nicknames aren't friends, but the people behind them can be. Some people tend to forget that there's people on the other side of the tubes.

[vethica]

hOLY CRAP my icon is in a secret that is weird and flattering but weird??? Can I ask why? Also why am I in the corner. :\

[(Anonymous)]

normally i'd agree but you're referencing shitty troll accounts. THOSE i'd agree aren't real friends, because they aren't even presenting the real person behind the bullshit.

Well, gee, I guess I'm not really anybody's friend, then

[elephantinegrace]

Since, you know, I go by a nickname both online and off.

And because I wasn't included on this list of lovely people...half of whom I don't know.

[forgottenjester]

I don't get it. Is F!S making you sad and you're happy you can say we're just numbers so you shouldn't feel so negative about this place? Or does it make you happy and your mom said we were numbers and so you don't feel like you can build an emotional connection with us?

Because my reply really varies depending on what it is. It also helps me figure out if you like the named users in your secret or you don't like them.

So, um, which is it, OP?

Either one I guess I would say that, you know, we're real people and we're going to create emotional attachments to one another regardless of the fact we only meet over the internet. Does that mean you're as close as the friend in real life whom I told I wanted to get friend-married to and she agreed? No. Sorry but there are some things to be said about real life interaction with a person. On the other hand, do I look forward to talking to people on here who I consider my friends? Yeah, I do. That's not a lie or wrong. It's just a different form of friendship because of the medium it's over.

Now, if you're upset by the things that happen here then you have every right to be upset. Those are real feelings. However, I would also advise that you stop coming here or at least stop reading wank if it's making you upset.

If you are actually, genuinely enjoying your time here and you're worried it's all a lie... um, I can assure you I am a real person and not a figment of your mom's imagination. It's all real. It matters to you if you let it matter. The emotions that are evoked by another person are legitimate even if it's over the internet.

Lastly, even if you have us it would be a good idea to get real life friends. Internet friends are great but I find they just can't do things real life friends can.

So I guess in the end my feeling is, it's not that internet friends aren't real, they're just really different from real life friends. However, the emotions you feel, positive or negative from them, are completely legitimate. How can feelings not be legit?

[dreemyweird]

It surprises me a little that the whole thread is all like "older people don't understand this kind of relationship". There are tons of stories of awesome penfriendships going around - how folks exchanged correspondence for decades without seeing each other and became epic bros in the end. Isn't that essentially the same?

[blueonblue]

I don't think real/not real is a helpful way of looking at online relationships. They're different, if you only know someone online, there's more projection and fantasy involved, but that doesn't make online relationships fake. Your mother and you are probably using the word "friendship" to mean different things.

I have a rl friend who always gets in these intense "friendships" online, and then is hurt when they aren't exactly who she thought they were. I always feel bad for her, the hurt feelings are real, but at the same time I know that when she was in high school she spent a year online pretending to be a gay boy dying of cancer, so I would think she would know that maybe other people aren't always completely truthful.

[thene]

I have been married for over 5 years to someone I met on a fandom BBS in 2003, and last year we picked a place to move to because it was a couple of streets away from someone else we knew from the same BBS. I met my roommate because we had a mutual fandom friend who was staying with me to go to a con.

Obv not everyone I know and care about came from the internet, but an awful lot of them did. Internets can make pretty valuable friendships happen.

[elaminator]

But the people of f!s are real! HOW COULD WE BE REPLYING TO THIS SECRET IF WE WEREN'T?! (Can ghosts type?)

Okay, but seriously, she's wrong. Of course not every friendship you make online is going to be a lifelong one, or an incredibly deep, intimate one, but that's true for friends you know locally and see all the time as well. Can online friendships be a bit different? Sometimes, sure. But that doesn't mean they can't be just as meaningful.

[(Anonymous)]

So, no one thought all the typos and mistakes in this secret suggested a troll? A troll who wanted to bitch about the users they've referenced in the secret? Like, make the troll who called all those users 'troll accounts' in the comments? Just me then? Okay. I'll be moving on.

Ffs, troll, stop it, it's not funny.

[(Anonymous)]

After continually being hurt by people online who I thought were legitimately my friends, I'm starting to subscribe more and more to this school of thought. And it's not because of my age or that I don't 'understand' the internet, it's because the people that are there for me IRL are always there for me. They're not looking for something to satisfy their own selfish needs, they're legitimately there for me in good times and bad.

I'm tired of being hurt by people who claim to care for me, which is why I've been gradually shirking away from online communities.

Your mom totally has a point

[chardmonster]

But I don't think she realizes what it is.

You can absolutely make friends on the internet. Realize that there's a difference between real friends and "friends" who are just people on tumblr you only talk about fandom with and will drop you as soon as you stop watching their favorite show (these are acquaintances, which are totally nice to have, just don't lean on them).

The issue is that you seem to have buried yourself in fandomsecrets after losing your RL friends. Human beings need human contact, and while computer friends are real friends, we can't give you a hug, we can't tell when you look upset, and we certainly can't go get coffee with you. Make internet friends, but don't let that replace an in-person social life.

Thanks for including me, by the way!

Wait, wait, wait...I'm on here? o.O

[nyxelestia]

I'm kind of assuming that's me...

But anyway, OP, as many other people have said on here - you should be careful in relying on online friendships, but the same could really be said for RL friendships, too. It is absolutely possible to have real, online friendships. One of my oldest and strongest friendships is someone who I met online several years ago, though we only met in person a few months ago.

When someone is just a name on a screen, yeah, that doesn't mean they're your friend. But, when you become friends with someone who you happen to know by that name on a screen, that friendship is just as strong as any in real life. You can know someone by name and face and not know them or be friends with them.

And seriously, seriously seconding the first anon who responded to this secrets' thread about how dangerous the line of thought of people on the Internet not being real is. Don't let that attitude get to you, OP, and don't let your mom's words get to you. Yes, you should be careful when it comes to online friends because there it can be a lot harder to see when something goes wrong, but that doesn't mean you should never have an online friendship (or relationship of any kind) or that RL friendships are exclusively safe and true.

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

EEEEEE! I GOT MY FACE ON A SECRET!!!

Seriously though,, I will disagree with you mother that people online are just "numbers and nicknames", because like others have said, there are real people behind these icons.

I don't even hide who I am, and I'm Mimi Sardinia everywhere, so if you see that name or reasonable variations there-of (MimiSard or MerrySard), it's likely me. The only place I don't use this name is FFN (MajinBakaHentai) and Ebay (not telling that one), which both predate the change to the "Mimi Sardinia" identity.

But I will say, and say from long experience online:

Online friendships can be a lot more ephemeral than RL ones. You change fandom? They change fandom? You drift apart. One or other decides to move website (move from LJ to here on DW, or to Tumblr) but the other doesn't? You drift apart.
It happens so very easily. Take it from me - I tend to drift from fandom to fandom, only spending a year or so in one before somethign else draws my attention. I've lost contact with numerous friends I've made over the years - friends I consider to have been serious internet friends, instead of mere acquaintances.

So it's good you have at least some avenue to friendship left to you, but don't rely on the internet too heavily.

[(Anonymous)]

Pfft, I'll echo what many others have said here: there are real people behind those nicknames and numbers.

If online friends weren't real, I wouldn't have gone to different cities to meet them face to face. In fact, I met my ex-boyfriend online first when I was away at college, only to find out he lived less than an hour away from me when I was home!

My local best friend can't come see me right now due to family issues (and isn't on the Internet, though we talk on the phone practically every day). But I have Internet friends who help fill that gap, and that if I had a chance to go visit them, I would in a heartbeat.

I may have several aliases online, but once I get to know a person and if they're curious, I'll connect the dots, so they can get the whole picture of me instead of the one-sided persona that might have been their gateway into my world.

I don't comment much, and I've never actually made a secret, but for me, coming to fandomsecrets is like going to a job I like and see all my coworkers. Familiar faces. Heck, I know more about some of the regulars here than I do about real life acquaintances! So I believe there's no shame in seeking comfort here, OP. Whether you're a troll or not!