[ SECRET POST #2468 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2468 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 065 secrets from Secret Submission Post #353.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

10. http://i.imgur.com/UjBBtZn.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, all the stuff you listed are things you can do without ever saying a word to anyone else.

Do you actually talk to the people in your clan or guild or whatever? Sit around, shoot the shit? Tell some jokes? Let them get to know you?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. But I monitor myself because I don't want to be One of Those People either, so not all the time. I get nervous that I will come off as desperate and annoying if I do too much.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

OP, if you're still reading this, I feel exactly the same in real life. I had several friendships from school drift away in a painful manner: I realized I was the only person initiating contact, and they frequently didn't return calls or answer letters, and when I finally shut up I never heard from them again.

It was mortifying to realize that, for months, they must have been seeing me as that bothersome 'Oh, her again' tagalong. It's made me extremely leery of relationships in adult life - I won't make social overtures myself for fear of being annoying, and I'm quiet enough that nobody really reaches out. I'm working on it, but it's hard, painful, and lonely.

*hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

I know this feeling all too well. What irritates me about it is when people who have [and generally, make friends in them easily] assume it's from lack of effort of just ~no social skillz~.

[(Anonymous)]

TBF OP never said whether they were trying to make friendly overtures or be friendly or make friends or not. They never said anything about their attempts at being social.

They said they do shit like go along on missions and contribute to the team and you can do that in utter silence while wondering why you aren't recognized by anyone for being 'tag-along NPC #4 who is there a lot.'

[(Anonymous)]

True - but I've also seen people do all of that and *still* end up feeling like the OP despite trying to be friendly. Just because they didn't mention doing it doesn't mean that they aren't.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. But in this situation I wouldn't blame them for asking, is all. I know sometimes it's hard to make friends but I also know a whole lot of people who do the loyal dedicated NPC thing for months then complain that they never get recognized and it can get pretty dumb.

[(Anonymous)]

^ Nice Guys of MMO gaming

[(Anonymous)]

This

[chardmonster]

Perhaps MMOs are a really shitty place to make friends for most people?

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes, it can be.

A lot of it is real time and fast-paced and if you're playing the same games/quests a lot, the focus might shift more toward tasks that don't require a lot of conversation (collecting treasure, quickly killing off a mini-boss, etc).

[(Anonymous)]

yeah, i don't know anyone who plays in an mmo to make friends. do people make friends sometimes? sure, it happens. but it's definitely not the best place to go if that's what you want to do, since most people are in it to play the game first and socialize second.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe the chit chat stuff can come off as trying too hard.

Oddly, when I go into something and just do it with no focus on making friends, I end up with friends.

The best thing for OP to do is relax and have fun.

[chardmonster]

You should probably try investing your time in talking to people if you want friends.

[(Anonymous)]

I only play MMOs with established friends, I can't be the only one and maybe this is the problem.

[lyndis]

It becomes a problem when you refuse to let others into your circle I guess, or, alternatively, when those friends quit and you still want to play...but you're stuck playing alone.

[bored_bitch]

I don't socialize in MMOs.

Soloing that shit all the way.

[lyndis]

Been playing WoW since BC was released and here's my take on it:

1.) To make friends you have to be friendly. Doing nice things for the group honestly isn't enough. You need to interact with them. Talk to them in gchat or on Ventrilo/Teamspeak/Mumble. Offer to do things (don't just do them and then wonder why nobody appreciates it/notices). Someone says, "Man we need some XYZ for raid on Saturday." You could be like, "Oh I'd be happy to farm for that. :D"

2.) While you do dull things like farming TALK TO PEOPLE. Tell jokes, share stories, ask people how they're doing.

3.) Be friendly but don't be annoying. There's always that one whiny bitch in gchat who is like "why won't anyone play with meeee" "why wants to do old raidsssss why won't anyone answerrrrrr" etc. Don't be that person. Be open and friendly but don't pester people incessantly for attention or to do group activities. Ask once, "Anyone want to do ______?" In today's MMO social settings, no response = no. If someone wants to go they will tell you. (Ran into this a few times fairly recently that person wanted decked in the face.)

Now:

Making friends isn't easy. A raid group is the best way but most MMOs are shit and only the really long-standing ones have good end-game. Good endgame = people are actually playing = groups might actually stay together. I know when my brother realized end-game Guild Wars 2 was shit (acc. to him) he and his friends stopped playing. So did my sister and her husband. Etc. that was like a mass guild exodus.

Also if you suck at the game, people probably don't want to befriend you. They take you to a raid and you derp around, you talk more than you help, you argue over loot or you can't fucking heal or whatever--they don't want to bring you with them and they probably don't want to be your friend.

Like it probably makes me an asshole but I don't want to be embarrassed in random groups by your shitty DPS/tanking/healing. (I'm a jerk for that but man you represent the guild and therefore me as well so...)

That said, there's one type of player I can't stand, and it's the "gamer gurl" thing. LOOK AT ME I AM A GURL PLAYIN GAMEZ OMG ^_^ LOL LOL HEEHEE. These people automatically get punted out of sight and out of mind. Some people don't mind interacting and befriending them, but I have better things to do.

Not saying you (OP) are any of the above problems or whatever, but it's something to consider.

As for me, I have very few ingame friends. I started playing with RL friends. Coworkers, my boss, my siblings. All my siblings quit. My boss & coworkers moved servers, I quit my job (this was before realID), blah blah blah. I finally found a raid group with mostly people I liked, but two people had job changes and couldn't make raid anymore so the raid group shut down. Recruitment was impossible on my server so the other raiders stopped logging in. Gleader and his wife stopped logging in. I play alone most of the time now.

Still friends w/ the gleader's wife but outside of the game instead. New games are strong for a while and then gradually fall apart, but World of Warcraft is really bad in that it's REALLY FUCKING BORING so most people are too bored to log in and play for long hours and then without anything to do at endgame but derp around on alts or raid, non-raiders usually end up quitting out of boredom. So then just when you're about to befriend someone...they're gone.

I wish I had advice for you OP but I honestly don't. I think making friends on an MMO is awkward and that's because you have playing a game in common instead of other more concrete things. I don't know. I find most men who play WoW? I have nothing in common with outside of WoW. And women, ehhh, it really depends but there's a good chance I don't have anything in common with them, too.

Let's not forget massive age gaps in players. You might easily befriend the 30+ year old crowd but struggle to fit in with the 13-18s. Sadly the 30+ crowd tends to not log in as often, so less time to make friends.

etc etc I'm rambling now. good luck to you OP.

[elialshadowpine]

All of this. Very excellent advice.

I'd especially emphasize the question about whether you're asking people if they want to do stuff. I GL a pan-MMO guild (we are a small group, bouncing between WoW, SWTOR, and GW2... currently on the latter atm), and while if people are on, we're generally talking, we don't always do stuff together. A lot of people like to just do their own thing while having someone to chat to, so if you actually want to group up, make sure people know it. (But don't go overboard, either; I have one guildie who, much as I love her, is somewhat passive aggressive about feeling crappy playing alone but she never asks anyone and it drives us batty).

Finding the right group of people really is key. I run my own guild after far too many instances of crappy leadership, even if it means we're small and flitty and such. Some games, like WoW, have large communities on LJ and such that often have guild recruitment; that might be a place to look. I have had better luck finding guilds on related sites than I have in game itself, tbh.

[(Anonymous)]

How is this different from life elsewhere? The odds are higher on making friends when socializing around your favorite interests than elsewhere, but there's no guarantees and it gets more difficult the older (and pickier) you and the rest of the group get. Keep trying though. Only solution.

[world_eater]

I really haven't a clue why it doesn't work for you. There's just people you click with and people you don't click with - are you just randomly trying to befriend anyone, or people you actually like? This is not an accusation, just wondering.

I can only recommend TS/Vent/Whatever. Talking to people makes it way easier to bond than just writing. Raids (or whatever equivalent your MMO of choice has) help - having regular intervals in where you do a group activity help you get to know people better.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, OP, it happens. I'm not a gamer but I've been accused of being boring. :( Just hold your head high and be yourself. <3