fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2479 ]

[ SECRET POST #2479 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2479 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #354.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, I'm sorry for posting twice, but I'm really uncomfortable with the last line in your comment. It sounds to me, and this is probably not how you intended it, but it sounds to me like:
- these are normal flirty things to say
- if you do not think so you must have never been flirted with (implication: because you're unattractive/socially inept)
- therefore it is your fault for being too immature to understand that these are nice normal things

It just... can I use the word gaslighting? It feels like gaslighting. And ugh. Sorry.

Oh Dear God

I was imprecise. I should say: tumblr has never been flirted with by creepy/intensely socially awkward guys. I have.

The experience was not "rapey." It was skeevy as hell, though. Does that make sense? When everything is "rapey" nothing is.

But fuck you (kinda, I know you mean well). Gaslighting? Seriously? Because I disagree with you about a song? I was talking about clubs. I can tell you that I have never been in a club that served alcohol that didn't have Those People in it. Those People come in all genders. Those People are there to get laid and are often really bad at the attempt.

And before you accuse me of being abused again, this is why I stopped letting friends drag me to clubs. I don't like it. So no, I'm not trying to appeal to whatever Male Gaze Panopticonorama you think I'm happily prancing around.

Edited 2013-10-16 23:48 (UTC)

Not because you disagree with me but because of the thing you said. Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry.

And now you're acting like a victim because I defended myself. Geez.

No. I'm just sorry. This is my default reaction to messing up. I messed up, okay?

Arg. That came out angrier than I meant it. Sorry.

But seriously don't throw "gaslighting" around like that. It's a real thing but we're diluting it so much it's getting meaningless.

That is just what it made me feel like. Sorry. It was wrong. I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Okay. Dude. Stop.

All is forgiven and all that.

Edited 2013-10-16 23:57 (UTC)

I don't know if I should respond to this comment or not but I guess I am going to.

I'M TRYING TO SAY IT'S OKAY AND YOU SHOULD NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR POSTING I WAS JUST ANGRY AND NOW I AM NOT

I should when I said stupid stuff.

WE ALL LIKE YOU. YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITES. STOP THIS.

HERE IS A GIF OF A PUPPY

Edited 2013-10-17 00:02 (UTC)

I took a break and I came back and realized how crappy and manipulative my comments came across, probably because they were. You are absolutely right. I was making myself look like a victim. I hope that is not what I am doing now. But I rewrote this comment a few times and I could not find a better way to say it.

It's all good. (continuing the gif)

You have nothing to be sorry for and I don't think you messed up, for what a random anons opinion counts for. And I don't think you're "acting like a victim" or anything.

I did though. I said the wrong thing. I used a term that was not the right term for the situation and I should have known better. And I probably do look like I'm inviting pity with all the apologizing and crap. It's just hard for me to turn it off.

It doesn't look like you're inviting pity. It looks like you're either too immature and needy to know better or are being manipulative. Apologizing is one thing but apologizing while beating yourself over the head kind of forces whoever you're apologizing to to apologize to you and try to reassure you or look like an ass.

Manipulative is the one that I meant. Trying to manipulate people's emotions and make them take pity on me. It didn't come across clearly enough.

How do you define "rapey"? Like, a rapey vibe to a person doesn't have to involve actual rape. A rapey song doesn't have to be explicit rape. Skeevy guys pushing and badly flirting with someone at a bar can have a rapey vibe or tone.

So maybe the whole problem is just terminology here. I think the song is pretty rapey in that when I listen to it it skeeves me out and seems to me like it has a lot of rape/rape culture terms and phrases.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2479 ]

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