fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2486 ]

[ SECRET POST #2486 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2486 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 024 secrets from Secret Submission Post #355.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

^^ What it says.

For me, strangely, it's "please." It's like the absolute mildest form of begging ever, but whenever a fic goes from describing hot foreplay to it, I just shudder. I don't know why.

Dirty talk. Pretty much all dirty talk. Mostly I just find it funny because I don't read pairings where I can picture anyone saying things like "I want your fat cock."

This is mine as well, I think I've read one or two fics where the dirty talk was actually alright but typically I'll skim most porn dialogue because it will make me laugh if I read it.

I can totally picture Marceline doing that (and then laughing while floating, while Princess Bubblegum totally regrets her newest candymass construction).

Same here. I don't get what's sexy about dirty talk; usually it just comes across as vulgar (and awkward) to me, and I don't find vulgar sexy.

Relatedly, you know how in porn, there are basically three options for referring to genitals and the like (vulgar, clinical, purple-prose)? I usually find the "vulgar" route a turn-off. I can get by with "cock" most of the time, but I would much rather hear about a character's vagina -- or even her "throbbing, wet entrance" -- than her cunt.

Oglaf's How to Talk Dirty (nsfw):

http://oglaf.com/talkdirty/

Ugh. Absolutely. Some asshole tried this shit with me (what I get for drunk one night stands, I guess) and I legit got that dick out of me ASAP and we had a 'come to jesus' talk about how that shit is the opposite of hot.

Edited 2013-10-24 16:16 (UTC)

Using the word "bitch" in dirty talk. As in "you're my bitch" or "you're just a bitch in heat" or other such, most often seen in slash fic spoken by the 'top' to the 'bottom'. I love dirty talk, and I like occasionally humiliation/degradation, but I hate the above.

Using the wrong word for the tone of the story. If someone's tied to a bed writhing, I don't want to hear about their 'dingly-woo'.

"You're going to do what to my dingly-woo?"

For me it's using those really stupid flowery ways of referring to genitals, like "his hot manrod" or "her wet cavern" like, damn, just say cock and pussy. It sounds ridiculous to read about his swollen masculine shaft.

Also, the word "dick" just sounds so off to me. Cock, penis, whatever... but dick sounds like either a name or an insult. Never sounds right in smut.

Hot manrod, lmao. I can't take that seriously either. Thankfully it's been a long time since I've ran into that sort of language in smut fic.

This is me with "prick." I will never not laugh at someone using the word prick in a sexy context.

Baby. If you are not referring to an actual child (not involved in the sex either obviously, but, like, worried about conceiving one, "I just put the kids to bed," whatever) then it's probably the most common turnoff I have.
Other stuff like the words 'mewl' and 'suckle' gross me out too, but they're less common.

Sometimes I like the fic okay otherwise, like there was this really prolific author of borderline OOC fluffy smut in my main fandom, and I'd try and replace the word baby with some other endearment. Except a lot of the time the fic would end as babyfic happily-ever-after and suddenly the characters would be talking about "I'm having a sweetheart," or changing their lover's diaper, or whatever.
And it was weird. The author wrote actor crossover stuff, where different characters played by the same male actor were all paired with the same female character from my main fandom, and before the author dropped out of fandom every iteration of said female character called all these different guy characters with the same face and body "baby." But that female character? Has never called her canon love interest 'baby.' Ever. She calls her love interest a shortened version of his admittedly long and ridiculous name. He has called her "darling" and "sweetheart" and "beautiful," yes. But not 'baby.' It was like every version of the female character by this author had a verbal tic.
But then, after awhile all the male characters the author wrote were just variations on the author's ultra-submissive woobie fantasy fixated on one actor and the characters he plays, and only their names and backstories differentiated them from each other. Except their names didn't get used much, because they were mostly called 'baby.'

Anyone saying the phrase 'I'm coming'.

When there's BDSM and the term Daddy is used instead of Master, then it sounds like ageplay and just no. Also not fond of the use of Sir.

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[ SECRET POST #2486 ]

'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.

Re: 'Sexy' fic things that turn you right the hell off.