fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2487 ]

[ SECRET POST #2487 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2487 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Vincent D'Onofrio in "Adventures in Babysitting"]

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03.

[Legend of Korra]

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04.

[The Little Mermaid]

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05.

[Twin Peaks]

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06.

[Moby Dick]

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07.

[American Horror Story]

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08.

[Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart]

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09.

[Supernatural]

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10.

[Yogscast]

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11.

[Welcome to Night Vale]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #355.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Okay I have to ask what is all this attraction-action=\=orientation? I'm a little out of the loop but by this logic doesn't that make gay conversion therapy a valid thing? If you can train yourself out of acting on it then you aren't *really* gay?

No one knows. And even if someone did, the definitions will change next month.

I'm guessing that's tumblr bullshit? lol. I mean, I see legitimate areas where that could be argued, but not with normal sexualities. For example, I don't know, is a pedophile a pedophile if they don't act on it? Yes, they still have an attraction to kids, but at the same time, if they don't look at CP or anything, is it okay for that person to try to pretend away the sexuality? But that's obviously abnormal, and kind of a political argument, if you will. In normal situations I'd be pretty comfortable saying attraction does define orientation, but I guess the argument is that some people you're attracted to but don't actually want to do? idk

is it okay for that person to try to pretend away the sexuality?

They'd pretty much have to. It's the only option our society will really give them. We refuse to really treat people. Much better to wait until they break down and do something so we can toss them in prison.

Edited 2013-10-25 00:28 (UTC)

You'd be a homoromantic heterosexual. I think?

So sexual orientation is a choice now? When did I miss that?

Depends on who you ask. There's a new movement of people that hate the whole "born this way" thing and are all about "I choose this life!" and empowerment...or something. I'm not really clear on it, but I've seen it around a bit.

Well if you ask me born this way and my life, my choice aren't mutually exclusive but claiming sexuality is purely choice seems... backwards. It's exactly what fundies argue.

I completely agree.

You can watch all the gay porn you want and find it super hot but that doesn't make you gay.

Or in regards to asexuality, you can masturbate and fantasize and have crushes and still have no desire to actually have sex.

It's a little confusing and can easily be twisted like you said, but it makes sense in a certain context.

What about virgins? They can't claim to be straight or gay? And I understand you can be aroused by gay porn without being gay but if you're attracted to the actors, not just the sex I would say that makes you at least bi. I can kind of understand it in the context of asexuality.

idk, if you watch gay porn and fantasize about the events happening to you, you kind of are a little gay. bi. whatever. If it's just the act of watching two guys do it, that's different, but if you watch it in terms of your own desires, you are a little bi at least. (and that's okay)

I additionally am a little skeptical of fantasizing/masturbating "asexuals". Because you can still be gay/bi without acting on it or having a desire to be in a same-sex relationship.

I can understand masturbating asexuals though because of stuff like bored wanking where someone is not fantasizing about anything in particular but it feels good.

masturbating makes sense to me. you're hungry, you eat. you don't have to enjoy the food to sate the urge.

fantasizing makes sense to me too, but only because we all agree fantasy =/= reality. or at least i hope we do. im sure there are some kinks that you yourself in fic that you have NO interest in IRL or maybe if you don't, im sure a lot of other people here have that sort of "fantasy only pls, thats hot in FIC ONLY" kink. non-con is a good example. people can find that hot in FIC but in real life its like ...no? thats not sexy at all? stop? for asexuals who fantasize, it's like that only for EVERY kink. none of them carry over to wanting to do things yourself or in person or involving another person.

It's the whole "desire to be in a sexual relationship" that defines the asexuality. Fantasizing and masturbating have nothing to do with actually wanting something, which is where the whole action/attraction =/= orientation thing comes in.

Then if a closet gay guy has no desire to be in a sexual relationship with another guy because they are severely not comfortable with it, is he not actually gay? For that matter, I could be very sexual but not attracted to anyone I meet - maybe I'm just attracted to celebrities, fictional characters, whatever, and real people don't hold up. Am I asexual?

Seems to me like "asexual" does have a clear meaning - lack of sexual feelings, or extremely limited sexual feelings. I get masturbating because it can be a biological urge, but if you're imagining yourself getting fucked? I know fantasy isn't reality, but fantasizing about yourself having sex is an expression of sexuality. Still, if someone who didn't want to have sex with people wanted to call themselves asexual, it's fine, but the criteria seems very inconsistent to what we'd use for homosexuality.

This may not make sense, because it doesn't feel like it should, but bear with me. I've had fantasies that involve sex with characters I'm romantically attracted to, but not sexually attracted. The idea of being sexually attracted to them is just part of the fantasy. Is this making any sense? :\

So you... fantasize about not being asexual?

Sort of. More like I fantasize about being in a relationship with them, so I would be emotionally close enough to them to trigger sexual attraction. And then we would do the do. I did say it wouldn't make much sense.

I thought it was just action that didn't equal orientation, and attraction did? Like a gay guy could sleep with women and that action wouldn't make him straight...because he was still attracted to men, and that made him gay. At least that's how I've always understood it.

Me too. Last I heard was people talking about how "gay for pay" doesn't make a sex worker gay if they don't experience genuine same sex attraction.

That's how I've been defining it, yeah. Thank you.

e: And it is also the one I think a lot of people do not understand.

Edited 2013-10-25 01:35 (UTC)

Orientation is a wibbly wobbly sexy wexy ball of behavior, biology, politics, social construction, religion, and personal development rolled together.

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[ SECRET POST #2487 ]

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