[ SECRET POST #2489 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2489 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #356.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

All the responses to this secret telling OP to just "get over it" like getting over having an awful parent is that easy make me feel really sad. You don't have to be abused for someone who's there for a good 50+% of your life to leave a huge impact on your life. If OP's mother was a racist, sexist, homophobe, whatever, that tried to make her hate certain groups of people all her life, would everyone be telling her to lol "get over" years and years of someone you love telling you really bad shit and just forget about it, you're too old for that plus it wasn't even abusive? Maybe I'm having a very personal reaction to this because I do have a mother like that who isn't abusive but bad anyways but jfc people have no sympathy.

I'm sorry, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

i have a mother who is still racist/homophobic/etc, taught me to hate, taught me i was worth less than a man and needed to stay pregnant in the kitchen, etc. i'm in therapy. i do not need to spend the rest of my fucking life whining about it. because you know what, she DID shape me in bad ways but also in good ways because she taught me what i didn't want. it sucked while it happened but i'm a fucking adult and i'm owning my own growth now. if she can't grow it's on her but i'm not going to be sitting around in my 30s throwing a fit over my non-abuse and refusing to move the fuck on with my life until my mom connects with a shitty fictional character. at a certain point my obsession with my mother's behavior is just going to make me more miserable and will do NOTHING to change her. what the fuck is the point? get in therapy and live your damn life already

[(Anonymous)]

I have gotten over it. But I can see why OP would wish she could get through to her? I do that too. Jfc everyone is so judgmental and assuming of the worst around here.

[(Anonymous)]

sorry my "your" wasn't meant to be at you, it came across like that because i wasn't thinking. it was more about the OP.

da

[(Anonymous)]

Moral of the story: don't EVER EVER EVER make a fandomsecret about a random stray thought, because taking 5 minutes to slap text on an image means you've devoted your entire life to the train of thought you were typing and it is V V IMPORTANT TO YOU BECAUSE THIS IS FANDOMSECRETS AND SRS BSNS ISSUES ONLY

rolling my eyes at everybody.

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

No I don't care what people are replying. I clarified below to chadmonster

Re: da

[chardmonster]

We are not the ones who started complaining about their parents

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

Lol I'm on no side in this debate, I find it fucking hilarious everybody is arguing 'it's fandomsecrets so OP MUST BE SERIOUS AND THINKNIG ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME AND HUNG UP ON EVERYTHING. they made a FANDOMSECRET about it'

like lol really. really

[(Anonymous)]

OP isn't pointlessly whining into the void about their mother, they're trying to find ways to mend the relationship because apparently they want to keep having friendly contact with her. I assume you avoid your mother like the plague today because she's such an asshole that refuses to change? Some people might like not to do that if at all possible, because some parents do change.

[(Anonymous)]

Did you ever think that people handle things differently? People like you are shit for not realizing this.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe talk to your therapist about learning to be less of a judgemental asshole yourself. :) It might enrich your life.

[(Anonymous)]

concern troll with passive aggressive smiley-check.

[(Anonymous)]

Well aren't you special. Good for you that you've found peace but you don't get to dictate what someone else needs to do to find peace, much less accuse them of "whining" and yelling profanity at them. WTH is wrong with you? Why are so many self-proclaimed victims of abuse in this thread so angry at someone who isn't handling their situation exactly the same as you?

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe I'm reading the secret completely wrong then? Because I think there are miles, like you said, between "sometimes I wish I could show my mother this" and "I obsess with my relationship with my mother."

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, except "get over it you big baby!" isn't empowering at all and it's making me feel like shit for sometimes wishing the same and I'm not even the OP. I'm out of this thread. I'm sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

if the OP is making enough effort to examine every single mother character with "boy i wish they were the RIGHT kind of awful so i could make my mother watch that show/movie and maybe she'll finally get it"... that sounds obsessed enough to be a problem, even if it doesn't take up a huge amount of time the underlying reason behind it is still an issue.

now let's say the OP saw a movie. a mother character in it was not abusive but had some bad behaviors. the OP realizes, "her behavior seems familiar... almost like how my mom was. i wonder if my mom would see it like I do", that's its own thing. but OP seems overly focused on TRYING to find this elusive character so that s/he can MAKE their mother watch it and magically make up for all the 32 years the OP has apparently been focused on this.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Yep.

[chardmonster]

Perhaps you should show this post to your mom and then she can cry and cry and cry and tell you you're right, you were always right, and then you can post about it and it'll have like 10,000 reblogs and your life will be fixed, no more issues for you!

[(Anonymous)]

this

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I don't really understand some of these responses, but then, I'm really close to my mom as an adult (which I wasn't as a kid, because she wasn't a good parent, either) and that wouldn't be possible without hashing out our past problems in detail instead of just pretending it's "all in the past" and somehow has no impact on our interaction today.

[(Anonymous)]

This.

I mended my relationship with my dad, which was a lot of work, but totally worthwhile! I can now actually talk to him about more than superficial topics again, without us winding up yelling at each other. I'd call that kind of an improvement - and it wouldn't have been achieved if we hadn't both been willing to work on the relationship.

That's kind of key though. Mending a relationship is not a one-person job. My brother has a much more casual relationship with our dad than I do. He's decided for himself he doesn't wanna put in the work of really working things out.

Both our solutions are working out for us. My brother moved past wanting to have a parent-child relationship with our dad, and I moved past not having one by putting in the work. No, this does not undo my childhood (and the relationship we have now is different from what I wanted all this time, although I guess that's normal since I'm an independent adult now).

Everyone in this thread trying to push OP one direction or another is kind of confusing me. OP's obviously going about it in a clumsy way (and appears to be aware of the fact that it's clumsy), but they gotta figure out whether they want to mend ties with their mother or not for themselves - and people do get to set the parameters of whether or not and under what circumstances exactly they want to have a relationship with someone, family or no.