fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2492 ]

[ SECRET POST #2492 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2492 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 028 secrets from Secret Submission Post #356.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You certainly don't have to explain yourself to me, but I'm not clear what type of emergency requires stealthily expensive international calls.

My dad lives overseas. The convivence here has been so awful lately, my mother has left me crying several times, and one of those times was because she beat me. I was trying to contact my dad. That's all.

If she's beating you, contact the police. Because that's not OK.

I wouldn't do that to her D: It's not like she has left me bruised or anything, but whenever she's too angry, she has kind of an habit of throwing at the cause of her anger whatever she has on her hands and-- well, she doesn't miss. And I'm the cause of her anger often. It had been years since the last time she did that, but she's been way too stressed these last weeks.

I just want to go away from this house, which was the reason I was contacting my dad, but no dice.

THIS. IS NOT. ACCEPTABLE.

Whether it leaves a mark doesn't matter. You have a right to not be harmed, no matter who you make angry.

Okay, I gotta step in here and say if your mom is knocking you around that is the opposite of okay, it is not acceptable, and you have the right to not be treated like a punching bag. If she does it again, report it to someone.

dude I am late as hell, but THIS IS ABUSE. It doesn't matter that she isn't leaving bruises, if you were one of my students at the school I work at, I would be LEGALLY OBLIGATED to notify CPS if I heard about this. I don't know how old you are--it sounds like you're at least in your late teens, so it might not be of any benefit to you, but if you have younger siblings, please consider calling the authorities for their sake.

She has never done anything to my younger siblings o/ She knows better now, has a whole different view on education. My younger bro (now 18) never got beaten, and mom balks at the idea of ever laying a hand on my youngest sis (who is 7). But I'm the oldest, and when I was growing up she had a different mindset, and came from a culture in which this was ok.

I'm 25 now. Last time she had been physically violent with me, I was 15. While this is certainly horrible, has risen my stress levels through the ceiling, and has made this house a veritable battlefield; I'm worried about her at the same time. I don't know what the fuck is happening to my mom, what has gotten her so stressed and at the end of her rope. It's like she's regressing in time. But she only vents her anger with me. And I'm a disappointment of a daughter so I guess it's not like she lacks reasons to be angry at me all the time. It just gets so tiring.

And I'm a disappointment of a daughter

woah, no, that is the abuse talking!

I'm sorry for bringing this up, but do you see the pattern here between this and the relationships you've talked about before?

you are not a disappointment

you don't deserve abuse

you don't deserve abuse

If you won't/cant get the fuck out of the house, at least don't put up with that bullshit. Maybe eat some of that meat you keep ignoring and regain some semblance of primal instinct to NOT LET PEOPLE THROW SHIT AT YOU.

My brother seriously threw something at me once. What saved him, and I do mean literally saved him was that he missed and only broke a power socket on the wall.

I realize you are probably not going to have the same reaction in a flight or fight situation and I'm not telling you to go crazy on your mom or nothing, but bear in might the flight part. At least pick something up and use it to deflect while you GTFO. Chairs, cushions and jackets can all work well.

You can't sustain your current lifestyle on that 50. You will have to make sacrifices. walk somewhere. Therapy by phone (edit: I see this was mentioned down below) Eat something you don't normally eat, just for this month. Skip therapy (rough but possible)

GTFO of that house as soon as you can.

Edited 2013-10-30 21:56 (UTC)

I am really, really sorry to do this, but I'm wondering about the context of beating?

I have several roommates from Ecuador, and they recall parental hitting as more being a cultural artifact than abuse. I ask this, as someone from the States, because anything aside for spanking small children is seen as abusive, and I'm not sure I'm qualified to weigh in one way or the other. I know you're in a Latin American culture, so I wonder if this is just your mom believing this is within her rights?

The only reason I bring this up, is I'm wondering if this more needs a perspective change? Yes, it does sound tough and kind of shitty, but how shitty is it?

My dad can, under today's standards, be considered as verbally and emotionally abusive toward me. But to be honest, he was just socialized under a different set of norms, and what he says/does is okay for how and when he grew up. Which isn't to say it doesn't hurt, just that I'm not going to flee the house or call the cops because he flipped out. I learn to live with how he behaves, because that's just how it is with him, as it is with like 90% of the people who live where I come from.

And before anyone says "abuse is abuse", no it's fucking not. Abuse is a mutable standard that changes over time and culture. Some people argue spanking is abuse because it's hitting; I say it's not because everyone and their pet dog was spanked when I was a kid.

I'm really not trying to trivialize you or your situation, I'm just not sure how to respond.

Eh, don't be sorry, I fully understand where are you coming from. Indeed, parental hitting is kind of normal in this culture (though the parameters of what constitutes mere punishment and what constitutes abuse are really sketchy and vary wildly from household to household; and under the law). I used to get spanked a lot when I was a kid, and as I said, my mom had somewhat of an habit of also throwing stuff at me. Usually shoes. And it was seen as totally normal back then.

However I'm 25 now. By any means, even if I'm living in her house, I'm still an adult and hitting an adult is NOT kosher. I'm not even sure if hitting a teenager is socially acceptable here; but the way she flips out at me, the hurtful things she says, and practicing her aim with me... something's wrong with this picture, I think.

ayrt

Okay thank God, I'm glad I didn't hurt or offend you. I know that my roommate was smacked up until she was about 16 because she wouldn't wake up at the breakfast table. (Her mom worked full time, but got up every morning to make her children breakfast; when my roommate wouldn't wake up, she would get her hair pulled and get slapped. But even she admitted she was kind of being a bratty asshole, so contextually she was fine with it.)

Still, I'm with you that your mom's behavior isn't acceptable aimed toward an adult. If you have friends in the city, can you spend a week or two, or even a few days living with them instead? That way you and your mom get some space apart, and maybe she'll chill out a bit?

And before anyone says "abuse is abuse", no it's fucking not.

Yes it fucking is. Just because it's "how it is in their culture" or "how they were raised" doesn't mean it's acceptable. There are cultures where women who are raped are stoned to death because they're considered to have "committed adultery" while nothing happens to the men who raped them. Just because it's part of another culture doesn't mean it's immune to criticism. Purposely harming another human being, unless it's self defense, is wrong. Period.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2492 ]

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes

Re: Money Woes