fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2504 ]

[ SECRET POST #2504 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2504 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 88 secrets from Secret Submission Post #358.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What would you do if your best friend dated someone you really really really didn't approve of?

What would you do if you fell in love with someone your most trusted friend hated?

Deal w/ it.

Try to understand why they didn't get along, then probably tell them to deal w/ it.

Sometimes I disapprove of someone for something trivial, like they're into loli stuff in anime or something, but sometimes I disapprove because I know they're an idiot, or are an insensitive or irresponsible person. So it really depends on WHY I dislike the person. If it's the latter, I'd point out the problem, but if my friend persisted ... I'd just be there to catch her if she falls tbh.

First has happened to me. Multiple times. I just sort of let her know my concerns, and when she ignored those concerns, was civil but impersonal with the s/o in question, continued to be her friend, and let her come cry in my lap when the person in question lived up to my expectations.

To be fair, if the situation had been reversed, I'd probably have done the same thing. But I've been pretty lucky in dating rather awesome people and am still friends with nearly all of them.

1. The only time my opinion would matter was if they were being abusive. Bar that, I'd step off, because it's not my relationship.

2. Drunken threesome in a hot tub. Note: Don't do this unless you have a friendship like mine and my bestie's.

... with someone they hated? Guess it was that kinda hate.

It's happened, and I just supported my friends; that's all you can really do. Even if you think he might be abusive you have to be careful, because if you say that it can make things worse (though I would suggest trying to help lead her in the right direction).

As for the second scenario, I would ask her why she hated him, and go from there. If it's because he was rude to her or something, then I'll deal with him. If she just doesn't like his political views or something, well, it's her problem.

Ass cliche as this may be, not everyone is going to get along. I have friends who I love dearly, but I don't even force other friends to be with them because of their personalities. I would never expect my boyfriend or husband to want to be their friend, just because they're my friend. And of course it works the other way around. Again, the only problem is if it's a situation where I feel one is trying to push me away from the other for vindictive reasons.

ASS CLICHE is my new band name.

1. None of my fucking business

2. None of her business

We're grown adults and we're not always going to like the same people. As long as the person disapproved of isn't a murder/rapist/something seriously bad about them beyond being someone I/BFF doesn't approve of - Need to put the big adult panties on because I/BFF am not the one dating them

the only time the first situation happened to me, I didn't approve because the guy had a girlfriend who he'd been with for three years. I tried not to be a dick about it but at the end of the day I just couldn't support her and it ended up being one of the contributing factors to why our friendship ended. sucks.

for the second situation, I think it would depend on why she hated him. if it was like "he's ugly" or "I think he's annoying" than I wouldn't care, but if he had been a cheater in the past or something than I would try to take her opinion into account and probably continue with the relationship anyway lol.

Isn't that more a case of you having a problem with her participating in infidelity than disapproving of him exclusively?

"I disapprove of you dating this guy because he has a girlfriend."

I think you're being overly picky.

I'm sorry you had to be put in that situation with your friend. It's a tough call. But honestly, I would have done the same thing you did. *hugs*

When it happened to me I basically said "I'm not entirely cool with, but since you want this I'll support you. Just please be careful."

...Granted, the person I didn't like was a sex offender so...might be a little different circumstances-wise.

I would... not have only been concerned about your friend in that case, but other people as well, who trusted your friend and his/her SO by association. I hope this friend isn't still with him. :/

AYRT

As far as I know she's not, but we both kind of...stopped talking not long after that conversation [not due to that - we'd been drifting for some time, and I moved to a new town].

As for other people...um...well, let's just say that outside of his roommates [and my ex-friend] I've never met anyone who did trust or even *like* the guy.

1. I sucked it up. I told her what I thought of him and why I thought the relationship was a bad idea, but aside from that I sucked it up. By now he dumped her, asked her to take him back, and now they're back together. I once more told her what I thought about it, but when she decided to take him back I sucked it up again. Ridiculously enough she's apparently now jealous whenever he and I talk because he's a bit of a flirt and we've teased each other and made suggestive comments. (To clarify: I knew him before they got together and the teasing back and forth is something we've been doing since we first met, barring when they first got together because I didn't like how awfully he treated my friend then. Still, there's nothing remotely serious about it and that she's jealous of me of all people is ridiculous. It's not like I haven't made it clear how much I think he sucks as a boyfriend, ugh.
/rant)

2. I didn't acknowledged their misgivings but in the end it made no difference to me because I was in love. They made their opinion clear, sucked it up when I wouldn't listen, and where there for me when it blew up in my face.

Unless there's an actual danger (domestic abuse, drugs, etc.) there's nothing but sucking it up once you made your feelings on the subject clear. If they listen to your misgivings, awesome, if not, suck it up and be there in case everything goes to hell for your friend.

Give them a polite, understanding, sincere warning and expect them to either not heed it/lash out/not give a shit, because love is blind. That said, a good friend is honest, especially when it's something that might spare their friend pain and trouble in the future.

Then let them handle it in their own way. Possibly with a bowl of popcorn to watch as they slowly realize the same thing you did months ago. If your words make them come to that conclusion even a week earlier, it was worth it.

Truly good friends, however, will refrain from saying "I told you so" when that happens and that friend comes running to you for comfort and support.

/speaks from experience

The first has happened to me several times and basically I let them know that I don't really like the person, but will try and get along and be polite for their sake.

What I really hate is when later they turn around and confront me about why I didn't push the issue because it turns out the partner was being verbally and emotionally abusive and I apparently should have known and saved them. Like, I made it known I thought the guy was an ass but you said you were in love and told me to stop being rude. What did you expect?

1. If it was an abusive relationship, or if the person was doing something highly illegal, or if the person WITHOUT A DOUBT was cheating on my best friend, I would confront my best friend about it and my disapproval over the relationship. Other than that? It's not my business what my best friend does in his relationships or who he chooses. It would be judgmental and conceited as fuck for me to think that he needs my stamp of approval to date who he wants. As long as he's happy, then I'm happy for him. After all, I don't even have the same tastes as my best friend.

2. Uh well, I'd ask why my best friend hated this person so badly. If it was for any of the reasons above that I would disapprove of in someone he dated, then I would take that into consideration. If it was for something else (ergo, something petty), then I would tell him to suck it up and give her a chance. But considering my best friend isn't a self centered prick, I've never been in this predicament before.

Honestly? if they were a longtime friend whose prejudices and principles I knew and understood and accepted?

I'd dump the significant other.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2504 ]

incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility

Re: incompatibility