fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2525 ]

[ SECRET POST #2525 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2525 ⌋

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I guess I just want to put this out in the open, somewhat, despite hiding in comments here.

It's not that I have too much stuff... I have less than the average amount of stuff a person would have, because I live in a tiny studio so there simply isn't space for my belongings. My car is piling up because I've run out of places for things in my home, so that's the only place to put them. I'm typing from my laptop while lying in bed, because after Black Friday shopping, there are bags of gifts in front of my desk, waiting to be distributed for the holidays.

Much of what I have, I admit, is crap. I take loads to the dump twice a month, but I can't seem to get on top of the mess. I've tried to prune down my entertainment collection - CDs, DVDs, books, to digital versions. But I'm a student, so I have to have physical copies of my texts, as well as notebooks, printed pages, etc..

My pets (hamster & fish) are in generally better living conditions than I am in, although I am still not as diligent as I ought to be in maintaining their areas. I know that the pigsty I live in is my doing, and not a reason that they should suffer, so I do put in extra effort to keep them comfortable.

I guess I always had issues keeping my room straightened when I was a kid, letting things pile up until my parents yelled at me to clean. Now I've got no one to yell at me, so things kept piling and here I am with no hope of getting on top of it. I kept telling myself to hold on until I graduate, get a better job, get a real house, and then I will have places to put things... But I'm getting scared.

I have long-term depression and social anxiety. I don't go out much. I don't have people over. So there's nothing to do but stay home and stare at the mess. Which makes me more depressed and anxious. So I just stay home and stare...

Please don't comment if you're just going to tell me I'm disgusting and I should just grow up and clean my damn house. Tell me something I don't know.

You need help. No, I don't mean to be mean. But what you are doing is building a barrier between you and the world due to your social anxiety and depression. You don't even realize it. But that's what hoarders do. Their stuff is a cocoon of safety. Unfortunately, in most cases, they can tell themselves that they will stop tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. Therapy and medication may help and I recommend that. It's nothing to be ashamed off any more than I need glasses for my malfunctioning eyes. (I'm nearsighted) You need glasses for your head to make you think clearer.

+1 to all of mekkio's above comment.

A suggestion: if you are a student then you most likely have free student health center with a counseling center. Make an appointment. You can either walk in or call, but get yourself an appointment and someone to talk to. Take advantage of the services you are privileged to have as a student, because after school it will get a hell of a lot harder to get that help.

Second, try making a schedule and sticking to it. I have a lot of problems with depression and anxiety and my preferred method, if left to my own, is to avoid avoid avoid until things get so out of control I'm forced to deal. That is not healthy. The only way I manage (and yeah, cleaning and cooking and "normal" stuff like that) is to make a really strict schedule and force myself to keep to it. As far as scheduling vacuuming, laundry, TV time, computer time, dishes - everything.

Good luck.

I live in a small studio as well, so I can sympathize with the lack of space for things. it's hard for anyone to manage the space successfully, so it's not just you. I felt kinda suffocated by it until I got a shitload of shelving units so I could organize my space vertically and open up the floor. if you haven't tried that, I recommend it! it might help out.

Try and see if you can scrounge up a bit of time to just do a huge, massive, total cleaning of every corner of your place. Then, look at the actual storage spaces -- hangers, shelves, drawers -- that you have, and label them, whether the labels are just in your mind or with actual physical labels. Try to keep your place looking exactly like it did when you first cleaned it, whenever something gets out of place, put it back in its place. Don't put anything anywhere that it isn't supposed to go. Be ridiculously strict and fussy about this just for the sake of it. The feeling of success and control that keeping your place spic-and-span gives you is more important than just the obvious benefits of living somewhere clean.

Re: depression and social anxiety. I recommend help, the suggestion above about student health and counseling centers is very good. Also, if it's an option, move to a one-bedroom or two-bedroom apartment with a roommate. Especially if you have social anxiety and don't see people a lot, the mental-health benefits of the forced company (unless your roommate is a complete nightmare) outweigh ALL the annoyances and inconveniences of sharing a place with someone.

If it's possible, move to a bigger place and get a roommate. Seriously. Even an annoying roommate helps so damn much.

I can't give you any advice really, but I can tell you what I do, is make a schedule over stuff I have to do every day that "real adults" do without needing an alarm to tell them, which includes to eat, like this:

Then I just try as hard as I can to stick to it, if you notice, I have an hour to clean every Monday to Friday (as my flat has 5 rooms), and I never spend more time than that, and on good months I don't need all that time. I just do how much I can and then when the hour is over and I don't feel like doing more, I am done. Nothing bad will happen if I don't get it done that weekend. So you could try something like that?

Both my friend and I have schedules like this (they are a bit different, because we have different needs in a schedule), and we both have them because we need structure in our lives, her because of her mental health and I need it because I don't function well without structure, and I am not good at remembering what to do, so instead of parents, my computer and phone reminds me. Getting some structure in your life is always good, and it helps.

Edited 2013-12-01 23:16 (UTC)

Oh and yeah, lectures and schoolwork is not included in that one, it tends to have names of my friends and teachers, also it could tell you exactly where I am at those times and so on and that isn't smart to put in a public forum. Blue is things I have to do, purple is television shows. The writing might be a bit small, sorry about that, dunno how to fix it really.

Not OP, but that looks like something that would be terribly handy for me. What program do you use to make the schedule?

I use a mix between google calendar and the default calendar program on my mac. So what you see is blue for my mac calendar and purple for (one of) my google calendar. I also have a couple of other ones added to my google one, all my lectures can be added through my schools calendar system. also the Formula 1 schedule which I just found searching through calendars on the google calendar site, they have a lot of useful calendars for random stuff, also during group work and stuff you can share calendars with other people.

Google calendar is better if you don't have an iPhone (like me) because then you can have it with you everywhere. Both of the programs are easy to sync and switch between colors and so on. You can also choose if you want email alerts or not.

~~I think I managed to answer your question in there?~~

I've been tooling around in excel to make a calendar like this for next semester. :3

They are pretty useful, helped me loads the last semester or so, and it is definitely something I will keep using! I thought about using excel. but my schedule change a bit week to week so I figured that using something that is easily moved a bit and I also get alerts, because I am not great at timekeeping...

Anon, I think I could be you, except that I have a cat instead of a hamster and fish. He deserves better.

Been there, and I can definitively say it's a symptom of depression and/or anxiety. If it's of any use: You are NOT disgusting, and being too sad or stressed to keep an apartment clean if you live alone is not something childlish.

Maybe you already know this, and there's people in the thread who are telling it to you too, but yes, you need help. Look for a mental help proffesional you can afford; and meanwhile, try to get people you trust to help you clean the mess once in a while. That will be something you look forward to, because (I know this) social anxiety is damn awful, but being lonely is worse, isn't it? It's different, being alone because you want to be alone and it helps you recharge your energies, and being lonely because (you think) nobody cares.

The thing is, there are people who care. There always will be someone who cares. Please take my word on this.

Having someone over will help you manage your flat better the rest of the time, too (because you will know there will be someone coming over to visit) - and when that person (or people) come to help you keep your living quarters orderly, after you finish cleaning, you can treat your friend(s) and you to something nice. It doesn't have to be fancy, just something cool to do as a reward to everyone (including you) - even if it's only watching a movie on streaming together. Procrastinating on cleaning is a sign of an avoidant streak in your anxiety.

As told by the wisdom in Utena, you can have someone else to open your doors for you, but getting out is on you. What worked for me may not be what works for you, but I do know that making an effort to build good memories to balance out the bad ones helps a lot.

Hugs offered if you want them, Anon.

I don't really have tips for you. My parents (or at least my mother, but my father doesn't help) are both hoarders, don't keep the place tidy and never taught me either. Maybe I'm just used to it, but you're not horrible for it, I don't blame them. Although not being able to invite people is of course a major draw-back.

So I'll just give you you a thumps up for keeping your pets well enough and tell you what a major fucking liberation it was to move to a tidy place. Even though I was used to it for all of my life. It's the best. I struggle with keeping stuff tidy, but it's wonderful to know where the pans are, where to keep my canned food, to see the carpet in its full glory :P You can do it! Sometimes it helps to get out to a neat environment to really see the mess.

Seconding basically everything that's been said already, so I won't rehash it all. But it's good advice and you should seriously consider it.

I also wanted to suggest that you look around for various sites/apps/etc that might provide you with the motivation you need? Nothing seemed to really work for me until I found Unfuck Your Habitat:
http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/ (website)
http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ (tumblr where a lot of the action happens)
It's, shall we say, blunt in motivating you (look at what it's called and you get an idea of how things are usually phrased). But it's also concerned with people who're suffering depression and other disorders. Even if the rest of the site doesn't help you, I think you should read this post:
http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/post/56181930156/the-depression-messy-house-cycle

The important thing is, do what you can. Don't think "I've got to clean this entire area," because then you're likely to get overwhelmed, and probably even less motivated to try cleaning again - because what's the point, right, you're never going to make a dent in this.

Instead, try doing two things: one, have just one clear spot in your house. The bed's a good place to start. Make your bed every morning, and that way you always have a space to return to if the rest of the house is overwhelming you. (Or it could be a couch, or a seat at the table, etc.)

Second, do what you can. If that means ten minutes of cleaning, that's great. If that means five minutes, or two, or one, that's great too. Personally I'd suggest starting with things like the dishes, and any food containers that might be lying around (things that could attract pests). And work at your own pace. Don't compare yourself with others, don't think "I should be able to do more than this." What's important is doing what you can, and bit by very little bit, you'll get on top of things.

One UfYH thing that really worked for me was, every time you go out of a room/area, bring one thing with you that doesn't belong there, and put it where it's meant to go. For me, that means things like: leave the living room, bring a cup to the kitchen and put it in the sink. Leave the kitchen, bring the cooking book back to the bookshelf. It's just one thing, so it doesn't feel overwhelming - and you can stop if it does, and start up again later.

It's not going to be instantaneous, but you'll get there. Good luck, Nonny!

SA

Forgot to say, UfYH has stuff specific to cleaning tricks and tips for people with depression and hoarding both:

http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/tagged/hoarding

http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/tagged/depression

There are some great articles by people who've gone through similar problems, and they've written about things that worked and didn't work for them. Hopefully some of those might help you?

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[ SECRET POST #2525 ]

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