fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2527 ]

[ SECRET POST #2527 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2527 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Who makes their kids pay for their lodgings?

Kinda weird bro.

Not when they're 20 years old and, my guess is, not contributing much to the household monetarily. And probably having a rather entitled attitude about being allowed to live at home rent-free with JUST the dishes to do.

Very strange how these conflicting mentalities mesh. I used to assume it was purely a cultural thing, but considering how many people from my own culture who have had drastically different views on how things should be and how they are, now I'm not so sure.

I consider my life to be fairly easy, in that the odd jobs I do for a small income are not that demanding on anything but my patience (tutoring and homework assistance), my father will give me extra money if I need it without much fuss, and my only chores that extend beyond cleaning up after myself are cleaning and putting away the dishes, cleaning and fixing the (unstable) toilet, helping take care of our dogs, and the occasional other small mess I'm expected to clean up if I come across it even if I'm not the one that made it. My family wants me to get good grades in school, and this is their way of helping me, and I am very grateful for them and do my best to show it, mostly by trying to minimize my own interference in their day to day lives, keeping quiet while at home, and not cooking for them (yes, this is a gift; I am not allowed to touch anyone else's cooking for a reason).

I used to think that my mother (who I do not live with - my parents are divorced) constantly worrying about me having too much to do was ridiculous. But even that is just rooted in a different perspective, in that where my father believes school should be my primary priority, my mother believes that it should be my only priority - a difference in views that is mostly due to their different perceptions of how important school is in getting a good job.

Then, I ran into someone who thought of my situation was "overtiring and tyrannical" (if any of you read my "wtf just happened" thread and my later comment in it describing that person's friend, you know who I'm talking about). Apparently, the fact that I try to earn as much of my hand expense income as possible and strongly dislike asking my father for extra money is some form of internalized emotional abuse or something. Because clearly a college kid feeling embarrassed about having to ask her dad for extra money to go see a movie is a victim of abuse. >.<

Then I made the mistake of mentioning that one of my step-brothers doesn't do as much around the house as I do. I thought it was logical, as he works outside the home and contributes to the household financially in a way that I don't, but no, this is some kind of step-family abuse and sexism to boot. Despite the fact the other step-brother does about as much work around the house as I do because he doesn't work, either, being in middle school and all...

*eyeroll*

/rant

Their kid is an adult. Of course she should pay for her lodging.

They're 20, and while the wording was weird, I got a sense that they were just asking her to contribute to the house she was living in, not necessarily pay a monetary rent. And asking someone who is living under your roof and not paying a full monthly rent to help out by doing the dishes is far from unreasonable.

A parent who is doing parenting.

They are expected to move their kids along the process to self sufficient adulthood. Getting them to start doing household chores and realizing that in adulthood lodgings need paid for, cause at 20 years old that ain't a bloody kid that is a young adult, is the type of person who makes them pay for lodgings.

If the young adult in question doesn't learn that living at home gets progressively uncomfortable and demands more and more time/money as they age then they end up a 30yr child in an adult's body and an all around entitled brat. Dishes for lodgings is something I'd expect starting at 16, a twenty yr old should be doing more than just that. The only mistake Cinderella's stepmother made was not getting her own brats sharing the scrubbing duties with Cinders.

Forced petty labour is the worst form of encouraging self growth, and self actulisation.

If you're leaving it until they're twenty and they're in that state, either other factors exist, or you've already failed.

Forced petty labor or just doing the chores in exchange for a bed, call it what you will.

I'll agree that just starting them off with doing the damn dishes at 20 is a pretty big failure though. Like I said, that is the sort of thing that should start at 16, or maybe even 12. A 20 year old adult should be doing a lot more than just the dishes if they are still living at their parent's home instead of getting one of their own. They should have been prepared for it long ago, but better late than never, and better 20 than leaving it to 30.

Nah.

Constant chores take away from critical time enoying their childhood, and focusing on studying, which matters a tad more than learning to do the dishes right. And makes the family realationship more one of love based upon productivity.

That is just hippy bullshit. You start childhood off doing chores together, then gradually give the child their own chores to do themselves on their own. Kids will enjoy their childhood regardless of schooling and chores, they manage it in Singapore and S. Korea, its a parents job to get their kid shaped up to be an adult capable of handling responsibilities. All this crap about sheltering them to enjoy childhoods just generated the biggest generation of 30 year old pre-teens and indulged brats in history. Kids know how to enjoy themself, they need to be taught chores.

You mean the South Korea and Singapore that has kids constantly having breakdowns because of exam pressure.

That's not an ideal social model.

(no subject)

bringreligiontothewamwams - 2013-12-04 01:50 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-12-04 02:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

nyxelestia - 2013-12-04 03:51 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

ariakas - 2013-12-04 04:47 (UTC) - Expand

Exactly this. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who sees this.

You're not exactly a child at twenty. If you were living in an apartment while going to university, you'd have to pay rent, buy food, do laundry and pick up after yourself: are you against that too?

Don't you have cleaning people? I'm not inclined to take anything you say seriously then.

Oh, jesus. Nowhere were "constant chores" mentioned, and there's nothing wrong with giving your children chores (though, not as a requirement for living, obviously). It forms good habits that the kids will need when they're adults and it gives them something to be responsible for, promoting...responsibility.

If you can't see the difference between a kid with chores and forced laborers, that's a pretty big problem, but it's not on the part of parents who give their kids chores.

(no subject)

nyxelestia - 2013-12-04 03:54 (UTC) - Expand

I pretty much disagree with you. I wish my parents had made me do more chores when I was little. Then maybe I wouldn't have had so much trouble keeping my own home tidy now that I'm an adult. Making your child do the dishes or clean their room or even another room in the house is not the same as constant, petty chores, it's preparing them for adulthood. I mean, my mom and dad taught me how to cook, and that was some great family bonding time. Why couldn't they teach me how to keep my home tidy (or at least in a state where I can let people in without being ashamed of the mess)?

LOL. Obviously because I was expected to empty the dishwasher I was denied a proper family relationship and my studies suffered. Thank you for showing me the light of the abuse I ensured as a child.

(By the way, being assigned chores helps you learn responsibility, among other things. But you're probably one of those lazy, entitled brats that the OP is talking about.)

"Forced petty labor"? Are you under the impression OP's stepdaughter didn't just eat from those dishes, or that OP didn't cook the meal? It's called helping out at home.

Shush, we're counter-trolling each other and having fun doing so. You're ruining the game.

Everyone? When the child is over 18 at least...

My parents. (At least after freshman year of college.)

Parents who are trying to help their adult kids prepare for the "real world", for one. Typically it's a trifling pittance that's more about the gesture of "we will always be ready to help you, but don't expect it to be a long-term arrangement we have here" than about the money.

If you've got a full-time job (not sure from the secret whether this is the case or not), I think you should absolute contribute financially. I paid my parents some rent when I had a FT job but was still living at home - it wasn't anywhere near to market costs, it was probably around 1/5 of actual rental costs, but the point was to contribute. I'm living there, I'm eating food, I'm using resources - why shouldn't I contribute?

I find the opposite opinion kind of weird, frankly.

It's a pretty common practice here.
My parents charged me rent. And my grandpa. Like an anon said, it was a very small amount. Just a reminder that as an adult with a job, I'm expected to pay for my own lodging, whether it was my own apartment or a room in a family member's house.

Apparently many people.

Which is weird to me because no one I know, friends and relatives both, would ever do that. Parents also buy a lot of needed things for their adults children because why not if they have the money? It's more sensible to give money/things when the children need it than it's to let them have it later as an inheritance, especially since it means no one has to pay any inheritance taxes.

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