Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-12-03 06:49 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-12-03 06:49 pm
[ SECRET POST #2527 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2527 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #361.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 01:33 am (UTC)(link)It IS OP's step-child, not their actual child.
Anyway, it's not just an American thing. I'm European and I'm pretty damn sure that if I ever lived at home again, my parents wouldn't expect me to pay rent or anything, but there would definitely be rules about which household chores I would have to take care of. And if I didn't do that, my parents would be rather pissed off at me for being an entitled brat who thinks she can just live there for free and not do any work.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 01:52 am (UTC)(link)1st world countries' thing, then.
So, step-child =/= not real family? What a way to reinforce stereotypes (I'll have call my remarried cousin to tell her to stop caring about her step-children, since they aren't her actual childrend :D
and also send a note to those children so they stop caring about their step-mother, since she isn't their actual mother either)And hey, somehow we manage around here to "not being a entitled brats" even if no one says we HAVE to do something.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 02:09 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 04:18 am (UTC)(link)Wrong comment? Because I didn't make any generalization (other than implying that people with different cultures can manage to be *gasp* responsible)
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 02:11 am (UTC)(link)You say "somehow we manage around here to not be entitled brats even if no one says we HAVE to do something." In other words, your parents wouldn't dream of exacting "payment" from you in the form of rent or household duties, but on the other hand, you wouldn't dream of going back to your parents' home and expecting to be treated like a guest, who is entitled to receive hospitality without being obliged to contribute to the household in any way.
This is actually the ideal situation, in the US and anywhere else: adult child living with parents is a contributing member of the household, because that's what adults do. Specifying duties by way of "payment" for living at home really only comes into play when child moves back home for an unspecified period of time and expects to be treated as they were when they were small and it was their parents' duty to provide for them because they could not be expected to provide for themselves.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 02:15 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 02:16 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 04:26 am (UTC)(link)Oooook. I got annoyed by the implication of lack of blood ties = not real family. I came back to apologize for taking it so badly, and now I find this.
You pretty much don't get my point that I GET NOW THAT IT'S A CULTURAL DIFFERENCE. And cultural difference are perfectly ok and no one is saying they have to change
unless they're actually hurting someone, which isn't the case in this. But you know what? It's also ok for people to say "hey, that's different and it's weird for me for this and that", no need to prove that one say it's better or worse.I'll still think it's weird for a child to have to pay* their parents and I see as a way to treat their child less as part of the family and more as a renter, but you thinks it's normal. And guess what? That's fine.
*And honestly, if an adult think they can live without doing anything where they live (either helping with chores or with the bill), I'm pretty sure the issue is the adults that raised that child. Pushing them to be "responsible" after not teaching them that during their childhood/adolescence show the parents weren't that responsible themselves.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 04:57 am (UTC)(link)Also: I did not suggest that it was normal in the US to treat one's child as a tenant rather than a family member. My point, which seems to have escaped you, is that home is supposed to be the place where, when you have to go there, there will always be a place for you--but on the other hand, that an adult child returning to the parental home behaves as a member of the household who has an adult duty to contribute to it. Not as a guest to whom the other members of the household have a duty of hospitality, or as a small child who has a right to expect their parents to care for them and can't be expected to do a great deal in return.
And this is apparently how things are seen in your culture--your parents would not dream of putting your relationship on a cold-blooded pecuniary footing, but on the other hand, you would not come home and expect to be waited on like a guest or catered to like a small child. So I don't get why you are screaming "IT'S A CULTURAL DIFFERENCE OKAAAAAY?"
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 05:10 am (UTC)(link)Ok, sorry that you weren't that anon. It something that hit too close to home and it's hard to stay calm after that, that's why I stepped back for a while.
But, you missed my point?
It's a cultural difference because here it's different. It's not an owned duty, it's not about having to do something. That's all and it's something that seems small and yet it isn't.
I'm too sleepy to try to express it clearly, so I'll leave it at that.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 06:13 am (UTC)(link)Still, I think I see your point--if there's a cultural difference, it may be that in America, people need to treat something as a pecuniary obligation--even to the extent of spelling it out in contracts--that you would do as a matter of course. It's that even where money isn't changing hands, it's still often spoken of, here, in a very legalistic way--quid pro quo--all counting up and measuring out, with a fear of doing something for someone else that isn't directly compensated.
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 04:12 pm (UTC)(link)So you, as an adult living with your parents, could just watch TV all day and yell for your parents to bring you food when you're hungry, and they'd happily do it because that's okay in your culture?
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(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 05:52 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 06:04 pm (UTC)(link)I'm really curious where that anon is from. I kinda want to say Thailand, but I know a woman from Thailand (who never moved out of her parents' house), but she's told me stories where her adult siblings and brother in law behave like spoiled asses, so that can't be right.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-12-04 08:32 am (UTC)(link)