fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2540 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2540 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have a character who's a teenage flirt who pursues woman that are his age or older women. He's usualy not the type to say, harass a timid girl who wants to be left alone. or harass anyone, really. Hell if he ran into a girl like that he might offer to help her or get her away from people who were shoving themselves at her.

He's sort of chivalrous in a well intentioned way, trying to "make up" for his father being cruel to his wife. The character has been sexually taken advantage of , so he wouldn't rape or condone raping. He flirts with older , usually dominant women who seem to be interested in engaging in flirting and such behaviors.

I want to write him as flirty but I'm afraid of him being called "gross" or "misogynistic" or interpreted as a predator (by rational people anyway. I know you can't please everyone.

Also lines to use that are less likely to be seen as "skeevy"?

I dunno, flirting isn't necessarily about throwing around pick-up lines. I think that as long as a guy is genuine about his interest in someone, or at least in wanting them to feel good about themselves and seeing them smile then he wouldn't be perceived as skeevy, necessarily. What I've read about 'true flirting' is that it's about making someone else feel good and at ease.

Ohh that helps. and yeah I can see this guy doing that easily. Thanks.

Honest compliments and signals but not TMI or avid staring. Throwing around pick-up lines, or showing more interest in saying and doing flirty stuff for your own sake rather than your subject is gross. Making the subject feel desired and entertained is sexy.

Think about it logically -- the purpose of flirting is to show someone that you're interested in them and convince them that they're sexy/funny/cute/interesting: Good flirting does exactly that. Bad flirting a bunch of weird fake behavior that is flirting for flirting's sake, according to dumb tips that someone gave you.

Ahhhh.

Yeah that really helps (AND makes it easier to write). Writing and remembering that all I want to do is make the girl he's with feel flattered is pretty simple.

....and now I realize how silly my question is.

When he flirts, have him be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. Make him seem like he's not just saying lines; he actually wants to know about them, and he pays attention.

Like, say he starts with the whole "what book are you reading" thing, having him be legitimately interested in what the person is reading, why they like it, what about it speaks to them (or if they have to read it for class), stuff like that.

That sounds helpful , thanks.

and that seems like just the type of thing he'd do, try to help someone leave feeling better about themselves. I had this situation in my head, where he's talking to a girl about a mutual interest in court cases and spends the whole night talking about it, and leaving feeling better about himself than he normally does when he gets with some girl and hooks up.

I like the idea of him being a playful fun sort when flirting sometimes. Flirting and joking.

One thing that might help is genuine appreciation for things beyond the merely physical.

One of my favourite characters is Buck from the Magnificent 7 tv show, and both on the show and in fanon he's a 'ladies' man' but in such a sweet sincere way it's charming instead of skeevy. He doesn't go after women because of what they can do for him, but because, dammit, they're AWESOME and he wants to show them appreciation.

That sounds good, yeah.

I like the sound of that.

Well, for starters you could make him a good person. Your readers will cut your character more slack with his flirtations if they like him and feel like he's not a jerk. To do that, this character is going to need more actively good traits. Simply not harassing women or not raping/not condoning rape is... well, you don't give a guy e-cookies for that because that's the very basics of what a decent person should do. Ditto helping someone in distress.

I'd avoid words like "chivalrous" in this context. A lot of people are tired of decent behavior being elevated like that. It's like oh, you didn't grope a woman at a club even when you had the opportunity? Wow, my hero! I'd also avoid framing it like his good attitude toward women is trying to make up for his mother's mistreatment. You probably don't think of it this way, but it's a bit weird to think that all the women he meets symbolize his mother in that fashion. SO NOT SEXY.

A few things he could do to help:

* respect peoples' physical and emotional boundaries
* no stalking. Seriously, I don't know why people think this is romantic.
* take "no" graciously, without getting upset or trying to cajole her into a "yes"
* sincere compliments that aren't necessarily focused on appearance OR body parts
* an appreciation for a woman's skills and accomplishments, her personality, etc.
* use humor. Silly teasing, self-deprecating without wallowing in self-pity.
* have him be slightly awkward. It doesn't feel realistic to have a teenage kid be Mr. Smooth Operator when it comes to flirting.

Frankly, I'm not sure that looking for "lines" is the way to go, unless it's purposefully lame for comedic effect. A pick-up line has an inherent amount of skeeviness to it, and a teenage boy who has the confidence to flirt (with older women no less!) will already have his work cut out for him to NOT come off as an arrogant little shit.

On the first part, I know that things like not assaulting or not groping are basic decency. I just wanted to get that bit out of the way because I dunno I've seen people assume the worst of a character for being flirty. including other people I consulted about writing "so he's a guy and he's a bit of a flirt" "so he's one of THOSE guys, a skeeve, right?" "No...no he isn't!". But hey...I suck at talking especially late it night when I've had my medication so...bleh.

As for the chivalrous thing, I didn't mean that so much as basic decent behavior as...well let me explain it better. Even outside of flirting context he was brought up in a way by his mother to always be courteous to women and to never strike them. Also his aunt is a very formidable person as is an ex friend of his. He never even raises so much as a hand , even to stand up for himself , in defense. It's not that he sees his mother in all the women he meets, it's just....he has a personal code.

His 'chivalry' is in the sense that he always treats the girls he's with pretty much with high regard, like princesses, even some that don't treat him as well back. He also likes just talking to them, and having conversations. At one point he goes out and ends up just talking with a woman about a shared interest and enjoying himself more than he does when he hooks up with someone. He's often interested in talking with the people he talks to and having interesting conversations with them. He may acknowledged that they are attractive but not say it in a way that comes across ...well predatory.

He tends to view getting drawn into a hookup as a "stupid mistake" rather than an aim most of the time.

So sorry if I made it seem like he's supposed to be great for not groping or assaulting people. Because I don't. Your tips really helped, better than lines. I try to have him come across as a bit well dorky at times, or awkward or "oh shit I don't know what to say now". He tends to start of confident and hopeful and when he gets into the conversation he falters , and sometimes tries to drink alcohol himself to get up his nerves.

Bleh....I still sound like an asshole don't I? Sorry.

[ SECRET POST #2540 ]

writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

AYRT

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

Re: writing a male flirt who doesn't come across as "gross"

AYRT

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