fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2545 ]

[ SECRET POST #2545 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2545 ⌋

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #363.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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There's a tweet going around about how the concept of virginity was invented by men who though their dick was so important, it literally changed a woman's identity upon sex.

It's bullshit.

Whenever people ask me whether or not I'm a virgin, I either say "n/a" (/Does Not Apply) or start asking for increasingly precise and asinine definitions of virginity just to prove a point. I do that for a reason - to prove how stupid the entire concept is.

Laugh.

Stop it. That's pretty insulting too. For some people, losing their virginity is an important step for themselves and they do want to make that moment special, or only lose it to someone special, and sometimes it genuinely does hold importance to them. They don't think the concept is stupid and it's shitty to ridicule them for it. Stop. Not helping.

Why do people ALWAYS have to "comfort" someone by saying "no, you're not stupid, but everyone who feels differently from you are the stupid ones"?

Why not say something actually positive like "virginity only matters if it matters to YOU and don't let anyone else define its meaning for you"?

"virginity only matters if it matters to YOU and don't let anyone else define its meaning for you"

Thank you. This >>>>> "lol no, you shouldn't let other people make you feel bad if you have this view, you should instead let me make you feel bad if you have the opposite view."

You're making it sound stupider actually.

Making what sound stupider?

Nyx wasn't ridiculing people who want to share their first sexual experience with someone they trust. Nyx was ridiculing the idea of virginity which is a completely different thing.

Virginity as a concept is stupid and harmful no matter how you dress it up. Many stupid destructive rituals and beliefs hold importance to people that doesn't make them less stupid or harmful. "Virginity", the "losing" of it, and so much of its surrounding language is stupid, dehumanizing and cruel. There is no inherent value in being a virgin.

That does NOT mean a person's first sexual decisions, experiences or choices aren't meaningful life decisions no matter how they choose to express them. If you only want to share that experience with someone you trust that is probably an excellent life decision for you but it literally has no meaning past that that isn't stupid and destructive.

If that's what she meant, she should have said that.

But perhaps I was being overly sensitive -- after all, I'm familiar with nyx and I should know she's constantly putting her foot in her mouth with really problematic and narrow-minded wording that has perfectly okay and innocent intentions behind it.

I didn't say that because I assumed it was a given. And I'm...not sure if your last line was a backhanded comment or just an amusing observation.

But anyway, I'll agree that for some people their first sexual experience is extremely important to them. But the idea that this somehow changes who they are as a person? That's an unhealthy thought process and a stupid concept that has been used for centuries to demonize and control women. So go ahead and memorialize first sexual encounters, because I get that it's important and the first time experiencing anything can be important. Just don't pretend the idea of virginity, the idea that having that first sexual experience changes who someone is and changes their value as a human being, is a good one.

WTF? Nyx did say that. At no point did she say anything in regards to someone making a personal decision. All she talked about was the concept and definition of virginity.

Seriously show your work on how Nyx's wording was really problematic and narrow-minded.

Also ayrt was me, I keep forgetting to log in on my phone.

There's a tweet going around about how the concept of virginity was invented by men who though their dick was so important, it literally changed a woman's identity upon sex.

Well that seems to be ignoring the opposite phenomenon of "you're not a real man until you've had sex" mentality. Is it that a vagina is so important that it literally changes a boy into a man?

I think it's more rooted in the idea of seducing or subjugating a woman to get her to accept your sperm proves you're a man whose virility and studliness can ravage nations and continents with the power of your manliness, or something like that.

Whatever. Men who are obsessed with their virginity are really immature and WAY more of a turn-off than men who are virgins. Managing to plead and obsess your way into finishing having sex once SO does not magically make you into a better sexxor than a man who has had actual experience and experimentation with his sexuality and his partners' for the pleasure of experiencing it at a pace that suits him, and just hasn't gotten all the way yet.

Edited 2013-12-22 03:17 (UTC)

I think you're making some logical leaps in you're assessment of the male psyche.

I was half-joking throughout the comment, and I was talking about the cultural attitude, not the psyche, but I'm curious -- what leaps?

When a man has sex, his perceived cultural value goes up. When a woman has sex, hers goes down.

QED, dudes who fuck other dudes should by rights be a cultural gold mine

In some ways, depending on context, they are (or at least are culturally perceived that way).

NA
Wouldn't that prove counter to the original line of reasoning?

I.E. if the original idea that Penises are so awesome that they change the lives of women forever, wouldn't that change serve to increase the woman's value?

I mean, in both situations sex changes the value of the people involved, so if the male value increases after having experienced vagina, and the female value decreases after having experienced penis, well then wouldn't that imply the PVAE (Penis-Vagina Awesome Exchange) favour the female genitals?

I might not be making sense, it is very early and I am without coffee.

The penis is Awesome and it changes the woman. It does not change the woman for the better, for the Awesome does not rub off.

And, the reason why you're not making much sense is because the whole thing doesn't make sense, which is pretty much my point. The "he's a stud, she's a slut" double standard is party of why virginity is such a stupid and fucked up concept - it attached value to the status of (not) having had sex.

For another perspective, take a look at purity balls. Young girls promise not to let themselves get tainted by sex, but young men promise not to taint women/"someone's future wife" with sex - if they had sex, they would not be tainted. Only girls get tainted by sex.

MRA alert.

How can what AYRT said be construed in any way as an MRA comment?

~wah~ men are oppressed too! stop complaining, women, and think about the men!

typical MRA derailing bullshit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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