fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2551 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2551 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Resident Evil movies]

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03. http://i43.tinypic.com/bg9zlf.gif
[moving .gif]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

04. [SPOILERS for something but idk what]

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05. [SPOILERS for Frozen]

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06. [SPOILERS for Bioshock Infinite]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

07. [WARNING for rape]

[Martin Freeman]

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08. [WARNING for rape]

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09. [WARNING for domestic abuse]

Notes:

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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, I admit this took a while to put up because I kept deleting it and am still partially hoping no one will see it and partially hoping everyone will...

I was drugged and raped when I was 14 years old. It's not something I'm quiet about, because word got out really really fast in my town, and I figured I might as we'll be an advocate if I was going to be outed anyway. So I got linked to the video and you can call me a baby or oversensitive if you want, but I felt like there was a block of ice in my stomach when he did the air quotes around the word rape after he made the joke, because it did feel like he was trivializing the trauma I experienced just because I didn't remember the rape itself. And I was shaking, actually shaking, with a weird combination of rage and I'm not entirely sure what else, because it's been a really fucking long time since I've seen a familiar face (even though I don't actually know Mr. Freeman) saying that what I went through isn't rape. And you can tell me that he was just joking or that I misinterpreted, but that doesn't make me feel any less angry or...afraid, I guess, that nearly everyone here seems to agree with him so if I or another person were in the same situation, our ordeal would be trivialized.

Sorry about all the run-on sentences. I'm just putting in my two cents, for what it's worth. Since I know I'm going to regret this no matter what, I might as well just put this out there.

Edited 2013-12-28 09:42 (UTC)

I suppose this is what bothers me about all the outrage above that got frozen.

In the end, if someone makes a dead baby joke, or a violent murder joke, or a racist joke...when they get called out on it 'I don't find that funny because I/someone I know lost a baby, had a loved one murdered in a gruesome way', a PoC is standing there and says 'dude, not on'...the people who spoke in poor taste are usually apologetic about it. 'So sorry, I didn't know. I'm sorry for your loss/my idiocy'.

But when a rape victim says 'not on, I was raped and there was nothing funny about it', instead of getting the sympathetic apologies, their victimization is immedately called into question. 'Are you sure it was rape? Where you drunk? Why were you there? What were you wearing? Are you sure you didn't lead them on?'

It's the blaming of the victim that occurs afterwards (and the implication thereof) that is problematic with rape jokes. Rape victims never seem to get the sympathy that any other target of a tasteless joke receive when the joker oversteps the boundaries.

elephantinegrace, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Yes, exactly! There's isn't a "murder culture" in the sense that murder gets trivialized or erased (at least, in this country).

And thank you.

I'm so sorry that happened.

And FWIW I don't think anyone here would say that what happened to you wasn't rape, and I definitely don't think that's been the general tenor of the discussion.

It's worth a lot, thank you.

I've stopped caring what people think, because even some people at the survivors' group meetings don't think what I went through was rape. But I definitely felt like the "legitimate rape" (in the Todd Akin) argument was heavily implied in a lot of comments, which is why I made my speech its own comment and not a response to someone.

I just want to say I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you have to suffer through stuff like this.

Just because you don't remember doesn't mean it wasn't rape. Anyone who says differently can step on a million legos.

Thank you for being an advocate.

Thank you. There's been a lot more positivity than I expected.

So sorry to hear this happened to you. I can see how Martin Freeman's words would have upset you.

(Sort of related, I know of at least two young women who were raped and in hindsight I should have handled it better, as in I maybe should have helped them more. It seems that unfortunately we are not taught as children how to act when we are faced with something like that, so how do we know as young adults how to help the victims. It's horrible to think we all know what to do when someone has a heart attack or know how to deal with other criminal activities and their fallout, but are so bad at helping rape victims...)

Um, I don't know Martin Freeman very well at all. But I feel that anyone reading your story, unless they're completely sick in the head, cannot help but feel that what happened to you is wrong.

Thank you.

Yeah, it definitely feels like there's this idea that rape doesn't exist, outside of the rare stranger-forcing-tiny-completely-covered-woman-into-dark-alley-with-a-weapon kind of rape. And if it helps, one of the first things I was taught as an advocate was that if I thought I couldn't provide assistance to someone, to get someone else to do it because if I fucked up, it would be bad. I mean, I'm not saying you would've fucked up, but it's more important to take care of yourself first so you can help where you can. (Wow, I am just all kinds of inarticulate. I hope you understood what I was trying to say.)

I hope you don't regret writing it. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry you had such a visceral reaction to the video. (The person who linked you is pretty sketchy, if they knew you at all, tbh.) I DON'T see you personally saying that your justifiable reaction means the man has to die, or be fired or stop talking forever. Which IS what the SJWs want/what they are saying.

It's not that any of us are making light of the issue (believe me, no), what gets sketchy is where it goes from dialogue (i.e. you explaining your response and feelings) to outright censorship, which is what the SJWs are essentially promoting, with WHOEVER they decide to burn in effigy (MF is just the latest in a long line).

Thank you, and I've actually faced no backlash or "lol ur makin it up" shit, surprisingly.

As far as getting linked to the video, there was no ill intent anywhere. A friend of mine knew that I'm learning Danish for a play and that I like LotR, so she saw a video of various actors being interviewed for a Danish news program and sent it to me without watching the particular section that gave everyone so much grief.

I think what I was trying to say is that, I get that there are people who wish excessive retribution upon Mr. Freeman, but I also feel a little bit...threatened, maybe, by some of the backlash. Because surely there's a way to explain that rape jokes=\=rape without defending his joke or making more rape jokes? Because even though he has the right to say it and be heard, I should also have the right to blacklist everything directly involving him until I feel a bit less sick without getting mocked for doing so. Does that make sense?

Edited 2013-12-29 20:03 (UTC)

[ SECRET POST #2551 ]

Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)

Re: Trigger warning for the rape (well, more the aftermath, really)