[ SECRET POST #2560 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2560 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 052 secrets from Secret Submission Post #366.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: This pissed me off (TW: suicide)

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs* I know exactly what you're going through. To even knowing what it's like having a mother who is dating a complete abusive asshole. It fucking sucks having to be the strong one and have no one to turn to when you happen to be at your darkest hour. I've had to mentally stop myself about three times from offing myself even though I desperately wanted to, just because I knew who it would affect and how I wouldn't be the crutch for them anymore. :/

Re: This pissed me off (TW: suicide)

[making_excuses]

Family is fun eh? I've thought about killing myself so many times, most of it is just an odd sort of comfort, not really suicidal, just a "if I didn't live anymore no one could make me solve their problems" thing. I moved far away from them all, so currently all I can do is over the phone which is better than when I lived in the same city.. When I was a teenager I did almost kill myself quite a few times, but other than a couple of scars on my ankle I have no lasting damage. And like you the only thing that stopped me was the fact that my family would fall apart, also I was scared I would fail.

I hope you are okay Anon? And if you need anyone to talk to I am around!

now I want to live because I am curious of what my life will lead to, but yeah.

Re: This pissed me off (TW: suicide)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a little bit better now that I'm living with my boyfriend. I don't tell him everything that my crazy family has put me through, because I guess growing in that environment made me naturally hate the feeling of overwhelming people with troublesome information. But he knows enough to want me to stay with him then let me live in a household that triggered my stress levels through the roof.

My stepfather is a manipulative and abusive piece of work that has been the cause of emotional and sometimes sexual and physical abuse to me. So trying to make my mom understand that his abuse towards her and to me was inappropriate and that he at the very least needed to get a therapist was like pulling teeth. It was totally useless to try and talk sense into her. Even though I sometimes feel pangs of guilt for leaving her behind where I can only consult her through the phone, I refuse to go back to that place. She also can be emotionally exhausting, having called me at least 60 times in less than an hour because she wanted me to talk right then even though I was at work. On top of that I do have a schizophrenic aunt who needs care, but as long as I'm compliant with her and use a soft voice, she gets along well with me.

For the longest time of feeling like I would burden my friends with this information, I did struggle a lot with suicidal thoughts. But venting once in a while to them kind of helped the depression. I just graduated, so I'm kind of fighting off depression; I guess not having to deal with school anymore made me burnout or something. I'm just trying to take it easy for maybe another week, then find some work when I'm energized enough for it.

If you do have any advice to get out of this exhaustive state, please feel free to give any. I don't really act abnormally or anything, but I cannot seem to get enough sleep. I can sleep for 12 hours and still feel exhausted. I want to get out of that habit really badly because I need to get out and find a job.

Re: This pissed me off (TW: suicide)

[making_excuses]

You don't have to tell your boyfriend everything, but if you can go to some kind of person like a psychiatric nurse (or a shrink) to talk that could help, or maybe just write it down somewhere. I write bad poetry about it, that seems to help.

Also realise you can't fix everything, but if you are anything like me you can't just ignore your mother, but try to make her understand that she needs a professional to talk to her. And remember she has survived this long, she can survive longer. So if you don't pick up the phone it isn't the end of the world.

I think you got what I tend to get with regularity. Not depression but something close to it, which in Norwegian is called "burnedoutness". And the only cure is time.

Well time and some dedication, you just have to not push yourself too hard and set goals that you can reach. Also try to get enough sleep (but not too much, as that can make you tired), try to do something productive every day. It does not have to be much, clean the dishes or make dinner. And in your case, try to look for jobs one day and mark those that seem good then the day after write some applications and the day after that hand them out and so on. If you only manage to apply for one job, that is good enough!

Making a schedule is also an good idea, and schedule everything, because then you can add in time where you do nothing. If you are interested I can show you mine? (I schedule cleaning and times to eat and so on)

Also if it is possible find someone else that is doing the same (or me, I can be that person) that also is trying something similar.

Other than that, try to eat as healthily as you can manage (and afford), but don't worry if you eat something unhealthy. Same with everything else that has to be done, if you can't do it today, tomorrow is also a day and you can do it then.

Oh and the sleep thing, are you sure you have all your vitamins and minerals? If you could, go to a doctor and test it, and then take supplements for whichever vitamins/Minerals you might be missing. Because I was having trouble getting enough sleep and it turned out I have half as much B and D vitamins as I should have.